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Work Place Pot Luck Thread of Futility

CooterBrown

By CooterBrown
in Food and Travel

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CooterBrown

CooterBrown 18015

Posted
Posted (edited)

I'm tasked with bringing turkey and ham on Friday for a work pot luck.

I will smoke a couple of turkeys on Thursday and buy a couple of hams from HEB, if it's open.

The rub is that there's no way to heat anything up other than some shitty low wattage microwaves so crock pots are the way to go.

Here's the plan:

  1.  In one crockpot, I'll put the sliced turkey with some giblet gravy on low until lunch. I figure it'll stay moist enough and be edible enough.
  2. In the other crockpot, I'll put the sliced ham with some type of liquid to keep it moist. I was thinking maybe a couple of cans of crushed pineapple and brown sugar but I'm open to any suggestions that don't include alcohol or bodily fluids. 

Any tips or ideas for this shitty meal?

 

 

Edited by CooterBrown
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Landomatic

Landomatic 3813

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Angry Gorilla said:

Call in sick

If not you probably will be on Monday anyway.  Because of shit like this...

2 hours ago, Underdog said:

Too many co-workers don't wash hands after bathroom use, never doing work PLs again.  Plus, one chick had a cold sore as plain as day, no one touched her stuff. 

 

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EE2B

EE2B 1565

Posted
Posted

No desserts? lol.

My group always wants to do one during our annual shutdown. “Bring your favorite dish and come have lunch with us!” I’m working 16-18 hour days hoping we get this bitch started backup on time and checkout done and you want me to cook? Fuck that.

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Reagan1k

Reagan1k 3024

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Posted
1 hour ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

 The menu will be soups, salads, and finger foods.  There has been a request by the committee that there be no desserts. 

You have too many employees there with too little to do if they have time to create a pot luck committee.

Fire some people and get to work.

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Francisco 2.0

Francisco 2.0 32395

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, EE2B said:

No desserts? lol.

My group always wants to do one during our annual shutdown. “Bring your favorite dish and come have lunch with us!” I’m working 16-18 hour days hoping we get this bitch started backup on time and checkout done and you want me to cook? Fuck that.

 

 

59 minutes ago, luke duke said:

I'd bring about 5 desserts.

 

 

43 minutes ago, WBT said:

screen-shot-2015-12-13-at-6-35-45-pm.png

 

 

7 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

You have too many employees there with too little to do if they have time to create a pot luck committee.

Fire some people and get to work.

 

 

4 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

Why would you not want a dessert at a potluck?

 

There's really no committee; it was a joke by the boss.

The request for no desserts was made by the vast majority of 40+ women in my office who have expanding asses.  However, I do believe after conferring with a couple of others there will be some dessert of some kind.

What I was interested in was the soup angle.  How, what, whatnot.  I'm trying to wrap my head around the notion of soup to a potluck.

Does chili constitute soup?  What about chicken and dumplings?

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Landomatic

Landomatic 3813

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Posted
3 hours ago, Sleepygrad said:

Always take the easy way out for PL. sign up for the rolls or some other easy shit and don’t waste the effort.

My go-to was always to sign up to bring the chips.  Or cokes.  Neither can be expected to be homemade yet both are necessary and both can be grabbed at the QT on the way in.  You know, because you forgot all about the stupid fucking thing despite every old frow in the office putting way too much into it all fucking week.

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utee94

utee94 15835

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There's really no committee; it was a joke by the boss.

The request for no desserts was made by the vast majority of 40+ women in my office who have expanding asses.  However, I do believe after conferring with a couple of others there will be some dessert of some kind.

What I was interested in was the soup angle.  How, what, whatnot.  I'm trying to wrap my head around the notion of soup to a potluck.

Does chili constitute soup?  What about chicken and dumplings?

I say YES, and it was my first thought.  Take chili, be happy.

 

 

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Native Horn

Native Horn 3504

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Posted
11 hours ago, TornACL said:

Work potlucks are the worst. Nothing like bringing a smoked brisket into the office, and then Dipshit Larry from Accounting, a sudden bbq expert, tells you the meat isn't cooked all the way through because he spies the pink of a smoke ring. 

I don't have any advice for OP, but Larry sounds like he sucks.

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Zepol87

Zepol87 9188

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I don't participate in the potluck bullshit. I don't really like any of my coworkers. On potluck days I usually take a long ass lunch with the one guy that is pretty cool on my floor. Almost as annoying as potlucks are the dipshits that bring crock pot brisket and talk about it for hours and tell you how badass it is and how the sauce is his own recipe and so good.  

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Whatever

Whatever 700

Posted
Posted
 
There's really no committee; it was a joke by the boss.
The request for no desserts was made by the vast majority of 40+ women in my office who have expanding asses.  However, I do believe after conferring with a couple of others there will be some dessert of some kind.
What I was interested in was the soup angle.  How, what, whatnot.  I'm trying to wrap my head around the notion of soup to a potluck.
Does chili constitute soup?  What about chicken and dumplings?
If you add beans to chili it then becomes soup.
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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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Posted

When I worked in larger companies/shops, and they called together this kinda bullshit.  I simply did this.  Don't put any fucking thought or prep or money into it.  this is not the time to show off your cooking/smoking/grilling prowess.  Get a simple item that fits the request list for $10-$20.  Drop it off in the break room or whatever.  Everybody is gonna be in there for an hour or two.  So nobody is going to miss you being away from your office/desk/cubicle.  Go to a bar and get 'faced.  Come back and collect your platter and tell everybody how delicious everything was.  

Instead of spending too much time on this or bitching about it.  Use your fucking head.  Everybody is gonna be busy.  Contribute minimally, but not offensively.  Go to a bar.  Come back and pretend it was a swell time.  Every year, people worry about this bullshit way too much.  It ain't that hard...

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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Posted

Why would you eat shitty food prepared in the filthy homes of the people you despise who are too cheap to pick up their fair share of the tab on Margarita Thursdays?  

Drop off a premade platter from HEB, go to a bar, and reappear later and compliment everyone on how great their contribution was.  

Why is this a topic?  

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

Posted
Posted

Frankly because the cat picture hit a little too close to home.  not a coworker, but the girlfriend of one invited us over for a holiday dinner.  And the cat hair all over every thing in her kitchen turned me off of eating in other people's homes for about a decade.  

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Lhorn

Lhorn 4928

Posted
Posted
17 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Why would you not want a dessert at a potluck?

For reals!  Who the hell specifically requests no desserts?  Probably a bunch overweight folks who feel that everyone else should be deprived of delicious holiday desserts solely for the fact that they can’t help themselves, would over eat, gain 5#. Selfish pigs. You should be ashamed of youselves you selfish, gluttonous piggies. I don’t want to come off as fat shaming so maybe some diabetics too (yeah right).  

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