Surly lawyer question- deposition question

[Sbbruin 21829]

Although I'm in CA, I am assuming the protocol is the same.  I have been requested to sit for a deposition next week.  While I don't have any problem doing so, I also want to make it as costly and difficult for the other side as possible.  Am I required to show for the deposition or can I require them to subpoena me (and spend the money doing so) for the deposition?  If they just say "you have been requested to appear next Thursday at XXX address" and I don't show, what are the repercussions.  Again I am just looking to make this as much of a pain in the ass for them as I can without costing me money.

[Rollo Tomassi 80]

they need to subpoena you unless you are a party to the action.  If you're a party, you can still negotiate a specific date, as opposed to simply showing up on the date they suggest.

[Gil Bang 25920]

You're just a witness?  Are they asking you to bring any business records?

[Sbbruin 21829]

It's complicated, but I am not a party to the suit.  I have not been asked to bring records but I will as they support the position I am taking.  

[Hank Scorpio 17729]

You can make them subpoena you but beyond that there isn't much you can do to really fuck with them. I guess you could try and quash the subpoena, but that usually only delays the inevitable. 

[Red Six 131]

Obligatory:

 

Edited December 12, 2018 by Red Six

[Dahobbs 17526]

1 hour ago, Sbbruin said:

Although I'm in CA, I am assuming the protocol is the same.  I have been requested to sit for a deposition next week.  While I don't have any problem doing so, I also want to make it as costly and difficult for the other side as possible.  Am I required to show for the deposition or can I require them to subpoena me (and spend the money doing so) for the deposition?  If they just say "you have been requested to appear next Thursday at XXX address" and I don't show, what are the repercussions.  Again I am just looking to make this as much of a pain in the ass for them as I can without costing me money.

If you aren't a party (or under control of a party) there usually wouldn't be any repercussions absent a subpoena. Violating a valid subpoena is bad and inadvisable. Whether they can subpoena you at all depends on where you are and where the suit was filed.  

Big picture question, why are you trying to make it a pain if you aren't a party to the suit? Depending on your involvement and where the suit is filed, they may offer to compensate you for your time if you're reasonable. That is pretty common for instance in cases where a treating physician has to testify (e.g., product liability cases).

[Gil Bang 25920]

Is this a landlord-tenant dispute on a deal you leased out?

[RDCanecutter 26384]

2 hours ago, Sbbruin said:

Although I'm in CA, I am assuming the protocol is the same.  I have been requested to sit for a deposition next week.  While I don't have any problem doing so, I also want to make it as costly and difficult for the other side as possible.  Am I required to show for the deposition or can I require them to subpoena me (and spend the money doing so) for the deposition?  If they just say "you have been requested to appear next Thursday at XXX address" and I don't show, what are the repercussions.  Again I am just looking to make this as much of a pain in the ass for them as I can without costing me money.

Lawyers don't know a damn thing about how to accomplish what you want to do. You should be asking a crazy person.

So first off, demand that they bring an interpreter as you do not feel comfortable in English. Pick some non-common everybody-learned-some-in-high-school language, but not anything so rare that they can't find (and pay) a person to do it. Maybe something like Danish or Slovenian. We are talking boutique language, with slightly jacked-up rates. So when they talk to you in English, you pretend to wait until you hear it again in Danish or Slovenian. Then you mutter your reply (in English) into your phone, which you have set to auto-translate into Danish or Slovenian, and then you play or show the results to the interpreter, who is working by the hour and does not care if you drag things out.

[RDCanecutter 26384]

Also, fake a stroke mid-deposition. If you can get an ambulance ride out of it, that should cost a gazillion that you charge back to the people who forced you to be there.

[Sbbruin 21829]

10 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

Is this a landlord-tenant dispute on a deal you leased out?

No.  

[Sbbruin 21829]

27 minutes ago, Dahobbs said:

If you aren't a party (or under control of a party) there usually wouldn't be any repercussions absent a subpoena. Violating a valid subpoena is bad and inadvisable. Whether they can subpoena you at all depends on where you are and where the suit was filed.  

Big picture question, why are you trying to make it a pain if you aren't a party to the suit? Depending on your involvement and where the suit is filed, they may offer to compensate you for your time if you're reasonable. That is pretty common for instance in cases where a treating physician has to testify (e.g., product liability cases).

I am not a party to it, but feel the case is malicious and I feel strongly in favor of one side over the other.  I want it to be costly and burdensome for the plaintiff.  

[Sbbruin 21829]

18 minutes ago, RDCanecutter said:

Lawyers don't know a damn thing about how to accomplish what you want to do. You should be asking a crazy person.

So first off, demand that they bring an interpreter as you do not feel comfortable in English. Pick some non-common everybody-learned-some-in-high-school language, but not anything so rare that they can't find (and pay) a person to do it. Maybe something like Danish or Slovenian. We are talking boutique language, with slightly jacked-up rates. So when they talk to you in English, you pretend to wait until you hear it again in Danish or Slovenian. Then you mutter your reply (in English) into your phone, which you have set to auto-translate into Danish or Slovenian, and then you play or show the results to the interpreter, who is working by the hour and does not care if you drag things out.

See, now this is solid advice.  I like it.

[TwiceHorn 31438]

File a Motion to Set The Record Straight. 

[miguelito 11254]

Be sure to strenuously object to just about everything.

[Sbbruin 21829]

I'm gonna put THE SYSTEM on trial.

[DCA_HORN 725]

Make sure to throw in a "you're out of order"

[RPM 26317]

I would make it clear you will settle for no less than tree fiddy in punitive damages.

[Hanrahan 1306]

The most efficient way to fuck with them is to not remember shit and don’t answer their questions. If they show you and email and ask whether they’ve seen it you go on a five minute exposition on how email is inherently untrustworthy. If they ask you whether you had a particular conversation with someone, tell them what the guy was wearing, what the weather was like, the breakfast you had that morning and then tell them the only thing you remember talking about is that a local strip club has a hot new Thai stripper who is alleged to be a ladyboy. Shit like that.

[Sbbruin 21829]

17 minutes ago, RPM said:

I would make it clear you will settle for no less than tree fiddy in punitive damages.

 

[deadshank 24652]

Wear pantyhose on your head to conceal your identity before any cameras present at the deposition.  Beforehand, eat lots of raw onion, garlic and put some stinky Albanian goat cheeses in your medal festooned boat captain blazer your wearing. Insist on being referred to as "swami."

[RDCanecutter 26384]

Are lawyers still charging clients for making copies as if it were done on gold leaf? Might be a good idea to demand physical copies of everything.

[TexOx 110]

Is the suit in Texas or California? If it’s a Texas suit, they have to subpoena you (assuming you’re not subject to a party’s control), and deposition must take place within150 miles of where you live or are served. Tex. R. Civ. P. 176.3(a).

[cactusflinthead 27598]

This is highly entertaining. 

The stink factor is an intriguing angle. Farts should be involved. Perhaps not bathing for a few days. 

You could claim to only communicate in Klingon. 

[TexOx 110]

4 hours ago, Sbbruin said:

It's complicated, but I am not a party to the suit.  I have not been asked to bring records but I will as they support the position I am taking.  

Don’t bring documents to “support your position.” You aren’t gong to win the deposition and convince the other side they’re wrong. Your goal should be to give as little information as possible.

[cactusflinthead 27598]

1 minute ago, TexOx said:

Don’t bring documents to “support your position.” You aren’t gong to win the deposition and convince the other side they’re wrong. Your goal should be to give as little information as possible.

This is why the surly is greatness. A combination of solid advice and buffoonery.

[Errestaurants 2570]

This is who you need to ask

[Sbbruin 21829]

1 hour ago, cactusflinthead said:

This is why the surly is greatness. A combination of solid advice and buffoonery.

There is a lot of truth to this.

[ROFL BOX 6647]

If the US flag in the court room has gold fringe, strongly accuse The Court of being improper as that is the flag of the Admiralty & you, as a Sovereign Citizen, refuse to participate in that kind of unconstitutional court.

 

If, OTOH, the flag does NOT have gold fringe, tell them you refuse to participate because unless it is the flag of the Admiralty then there is no weight to the proceedings.  If they happen to then produce a gold fringed US flag, revert back to item # 1.

[TwiceHorn 31438]

1 hour ago, TexOx said:

Don’t bring documents to “support your position.” You aren’t gong to win the deposition and convince the other side they’re wrong. Your goal should be to give as little information as possible.

This is correct. Give your documents to the side you favor and explain how they help. At some time after your deposition. 

 

They think that you have information that helps their case and that's why they are deposing you. Or they know you can hurt and want to try to neutralize you. Giving them the least information possible is the best way to foil them. 

[miguelito 11254]

"State your name for the record."

"OK.  But first, you gotta PULL MY FINGER."

[RollLeft 5040]

When you can make this face and talk in this fashion...

imgur

[RDCanecutter 26384]

18 hours ago, Sbbruin said:

 I have been requested to sit for a deposition next week.  While I don't have any problem doing so, I also want to make it as costly and difficult for the other side as possible.

OK, I assume that the lawyers deposing you are billing their client by the hour.

Demand frequent extended bathroom breaks. During these breaks, do NOT pee, just drink water. This will make it easier to wet yourself later in the deposition, requiring lengthy clean-up while you loudly reassure them from the bathroom that you are almost "there".

How is your Southern accent? We are talking Foghorn Leghorn or Tom Hanks in Ladykillers Southern. It will help if it is thick enough that it botches their transcription efforts, but the main reason to use it is that it will help you slide into the role of raconteur, a la the father in Big Fish. No question can be answered without first digressing into how everyone there must be fourth cousins, heart-warming memories of Mammie's cooking before walking to school, allusions to Caesar's Gallic Wars as it relates to Jimmy Bodeen's attempts to make that old Chevy spin its tires as Bowl-Head and Eye-Ball poured bleach on the pavement, followed by a polite rambling request that they repeat the question. Sip from a flask.

[Noah Fence 480]

Watch this video on how to act during a deposition:

 

[shakahorn 1645]

40 minutes ago, Noah Fence said:

Watch this video on how to act during a deposition:

 

It has been slow around here, the inevitable goldengirl appearance will liven things up.

[Digdogger 1344]

You misunderstood.  The lawyer told you to sit ‘in this position ‘

[HRSchenker 2268]

I had to do that once and my lawyer instructed me to only answer the question they ask and do so at a basic level.

• What is your name?
• John
• John......okay?
• Yes.
• John what?
• I don't understand the question.
• What is your last name?
• Doe.
• Where do you work?
• I work at a business.
• What do you mean?
• I don't understand the question

Felt like an asshole but my lawyer told me that they are not my friend and to look at them as if they were ISIS.

[Player 4575]

You should have at least a couple of unexpected "emergencies" pop up within 24-48 hours of the agreed upon date for your depo. Do not underestimate how much time and energy will be expended trying to secure new dates/locations.  

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

This is the kind of thread I come to Surly for.

[HouTex 1866]

A couple of tips.  Assuming you know the defendant, limit your communications with him/her.  Unless there's some type of joint interest attorney-client or work product privilege (and nothing you've said indicates that one of them would apply) everything you discuss orally, over the phone, or in writing/email/text with the defendant (or the plaintiff for that matter) is fair game.  They can force you to produce your cell phone and email records so there could be a record of your communications.  Sure, you can say you don't recall exactly what was said, but you'll look foolish and/or dishonest if there are a bunch of calls for several minutes and you can't remember them.  Be careful about destroying any evidence of communications at this point.  There could (stress could) be a spoliation issue, but that usually applies to parties, not third party witnesses.

Be careful about trying to make things too difficult for the plaintiff re: rescheduling due to an "emergency" or some other excuse.  You could be asked to testify under oath regarding your excuse and/or you may end up having to prove it.  It's often the goal of a witness to have the deposition be over as soon as possible.  So I would answer the straight forward and background questions without any hassle or you could be there all day.  But maybe you are ok with that--it does increase the plaintiff's cost.

[happyfunball 481]

Eat taco bell beforehand and add to the shart thread.

[HOOKEM4 5036]

 

[RollLeft 5040]

I have to agree those are some dumb ass questions. 

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

1 hour ago, HouTex said:

Be careful about trying to make things too difficult for the plaintiff re: rescheduling due to an "emergency" or some other excuse.  You could be asked to testify under oath regarding your excuse and/or you may end up having to prove it.  It's often the goal of a witness to have the deposition be over as soon as possible.  So I would answer the straight forward and background questions without any hassle or you could be there all day.  But maybe you are ok with that--it does increase the plaintiff's cost.

Remember: Yes and No are always the best answer. Don't tell a story when a simple Yes or No is sufficient.

[davidg 4036]

10 minutes ago, RollLeft said:

I have to agree those are some dumb ass questions. 

I don't know.

 

 

And OP,  anytime they ask a question with a word is in it, respond with "it depends on what the meaning of 'is' is"

Edited December 13, 2018 by davidg

[Lazarus Bocanegra 304]

remember if there is gold fringe on the flag that means its an admiralty court and citizens aren't subject to the jurisdiction of an admiralty court

[Sbbruin 21829]

21 hours ago, TexOx said:

Is the suit in Texas or California? If it’s a Texas suit, they have to subpoena you (assuming you’re not subject to a party’s control), and deposition must take place within150 miles of where you live or are served. Tex. R. Civ. P. 176.3(a).

CA, and yes, they have to subpoena me here too.  I will await the subpoena and force them to jump through hoops.

[Sbbruin 21829]

5 hours ago, HRSchenker said:

I had to do that once and my lawyer instructed me to only answer the question they ask and do so at a basic level.

• What is your name?
• John
• John......okay?
• Yes.
• John what?
• I don't understand the question.
• What is your last name?
• Doe.
• Where do you work?
• I work at a business.
• What do you mean?
• I don't understand the question

Felt like an asshole but my lawyer told me that they are not my friend and to look at them as if they were ISIS.

I like it.

[Bama Llama 1450]

Always pause a beat or two to allow the defendant's atty time to object.  Only answer what is asked.  And don't volunteer shit.  Be truthful.  Fucking around on Surly is fine but being sanctioned, fined or jailed for contempt of court is not.  

[NeverMarryAStripper 21874]

Always pause a beat or two to allow the defendant's atty time to object.  Only answer what is asked.  And don't volunteer shit.  Be truthful.  Fucking around on Surly is fine but being sanctioned, fined or jailed for contempt of court is not.  

Yes, but posting on this thread while in jail for contempt would be pretty awesome.