2018 Shart Thread

[huge 3,793]

Oopsie

[demos 3,003]

Shoulda worn her brown pants.

[Gil Bang 25,960]

De we allow women in “this thing of ours”?

[PvilleStang 2,911]

Sharting is not gender-exclusive...

[RDCanecutter 26,445]

Hi. My name is RDCanecutter and I am a 2018 Shartoholic.

[huge 3,793]

I’ve had the butt piss for 2 days now after being offshore and somehow come out unscathed.

It’s a miracle actually.

[tokamak 6,430]

Some sort of viral thing going on right now. Feeling better today but still with a little light runs. Sitting at work just now I thought I had a fart but no...oh no.

 

Tokamak reporting for duty. I'm a grown man and I just shit myself at work.

[Bat Guano 359]

Just had to dispose of a pair of underwear at work.

Thread is on the wrong board. This is definitely Serious Bidness.

[Don Keibals 113]

On ‎7‎/‎8‎/‎2018 at 8:08 PM, demos said:

Shoulda worn her brown pants.

They brown now

[Vertigo 20,285]

If you had a liquid turtle but somehow managed to slurp it back in with no direct damage does that count?

i need a ruling.

['stache 21,816]

Did it stain your drawers?

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,817]

You just shit your pants,bruh

['stache 21,816]

I'm interested in the biology of how your butthole managed to "slurp" back said "liquid turtle."  Sounds like you'd be popular with teh gays.

[EE2B 1,565]

I'm interested in the biology of how your butthole managed to "slurp" back said "liquid turtle."  Sounds like you'd be popular with teh gays.

Maybe it’s billowy.

[Prepuce of Doom 21,074]

1 hour ago, 'stache said:

I'm interested in the biology of how your butthole managed to "slurp" back said "liquid turtle."  Sounds like you'd be popular with teh gays.

I'm pretty sure it's a rare phenomenon called "vertigo ass." 

[Gil Bang 25,960]

Skid marks or not?

[huge 3,793]

Nothing hits the drawers, I say you’re clear.

But go wipe you dirty ass

[deter 314]

Be careful the afternoon after a colonoscopy after you have been able to eat lunch.  Surprise, surprise, surprise and then it splattered on the shower curtain in my haste to pull my pants down.

[Bud Davis 13]

After 5 days of I presume bad poke, I had to go boxer shopping. My shart game was strong; too strong for Tide pods apparently.

[Chet Steadman 940]

On 7/17/2018 at 2:00 PM, tokamak said:

Tokamak reporting for doody. I'm a grown man and I just shit myself at work.

Fify

[huge 3,793]

[Roofle 272]

Just pushed a fart hard to impress and...nobody was impressed.

[Doze 1,322]

 

[Chilly Water 415]

Had a 24 hour stomach bug last Friday. Saturday night I thought I was all clear to fart.

Couldnt have been more wrong.

[TexArcher 37,774]

I've only sharted once.  It was about 15 years ago - I was pounding shots and beers at a buddy's place while playing Halo.  It was late and I realized I needed to take a drunk shit, but we lived in the same complex, so I said good night and walked back across the complex.  I made it halfway and you know the rest.

RIP boxers and Longhorn basketball shorts.  You were too young.

[kopp0e 1,135]

On 7/19/2018 at 10:32 PM, Gil Bang said:

Skid marks or not?

Was commando with a kilt possibly..?

[MissingInAction 25,078]

[retread 2,951]

3 hours ago, TexArcher said:

I've only sharted once.  It was about 15 years ago - I was pounding shots and beers at a buddy's place while playing Halo.  It was late and I realized I needed to take a drunk shit, but we lived in the same complex, so I said good night and walked back across the complex.  I made it halfway and you know the rest.

RIP boxers and Longhorn basketball shorts.  You were too young.

Your time is coming .....

Edited July 30, 2018 by retread

[Doze 1,322]

On 7/19/2018 at 10:32 PM, Gil Bang said:

Skid marks or not?

[heinhorn 16]

Guys I don't want to talk about it, but I'm here.  

[GotThatFire 166]

I'm curious, as someone who's never sharted... What is wrong with your buttholes that poop just be coming out? Is it like, a condition?

[Art Vandelay 1,712]

I'm not one for moral victories, but I made it all the way to August. And that's something.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,907]

I strongly advise against eating three bowls of Special K cereal right before going to bed.

[MissingInAction 25,078]

My physical therapist buddy told me that when people are in a hot tub they can't help but shart a little because the hot water relaxes your anus just a bit. Either that or it's an elaborate excuse not get in the hot tub with me.

[futureman 22,464]

On 7/29/2018 at 3:54 PM, Chilly Water said:

Had a 24 hour stomach bug last Friday. Saturday night I thought I was all clear to fart.

Couldnt have been more wrong.

[Buzzrock 14,920]

Broke the seal a couple weeks ago. Dammit.

[Gil Bang 25,960]

Close call today but clean undies FTW

[Guest Lobo]

Very close call earlier today after lunch.  The spicy sauerkraut was a bold move.  Three shits in the last 24 hours and haven't had a comfortable fart in that whole window of time.  The three of them totaled over three pounds.  That's normal, right?  

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,907]

2 hours ago, Lobo said:

The three of them totaled over three pounds.

I was going to ask how you knew that, but I decided I didn't want to know.

[Guest Lobo]

Best guess actually.  Google says you don't really lose that much weight after a big crap, but some sites say you do.  I dunno.  I just literally went down a belt notch in the last 2 days though.  That's gotta mean something, right? 

Plus, I went down from our offices (mostly male lawyers) to the county offices a few stories down because hardly any men work on that floor.  So it's nice and quiet and relatively clean.  Welp, it's what you think of when you think of the toilet in a 1980's county bathroom.  Ugly and old, but quite industrial and none of that low-flow Austin pansy bullshit.  I stopped it up on one try.  Before toilet paper.  On solid human waste alone, I conquered that bitch.  That's gotta be good for a couple of pounds, no?  Or 3.7 Courics.    

[futureman 22,464]

54 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I was going to ask how you knew that, but I decided I didn't want to know.

you never squatted over a triple beam?

[PvilleStang 2,911]

Clearly you don't have a scale in your bathroom.  Weigh before, then after, and you get the change in weight...

[Buzzrock 14,920]

Worst ever last night. And I have an 8 hour flight coming up in a couple hours. I’m scared.

[Parliament 14,260]

You people eat too much of Vic Mackey's friends' food.

[1000 Miles to Austin 21]

DKR stadium hot dogs nearly got me at ABIA yesterday. Almost left a $5 bill for the janitor.

[Gil Bang 25,960]

Just had a very close call.  Grabbed new undies out of my dresser while rushing to the bathroom.  False alarm, the old ones were still clean.   Whew.  

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,817]

Why even worry about your manties at that point? Youre pressing your luck. Had you sharted..they were ruined and tossed in the trash anyways...plus sounds like you couldve showered and grabbed fresh ones afterwards

[Gil Bang 25,960]

don't judge me

[Sam Lin 3,559]

#toolate #you'vealreadybeenjudged

[ImissWallyPryor 9,046]

The My sister, wife, BIL, and daughter were in Cleveland for the US Figure Skating Championships about a decade ago (I had to miss that one, lulz), and they decided to tour the house where The Christmas Story movie was filmed. 

My wife and BIL both had to use the restroom, and my BIL let me wife go first. Big mistake, as she takes forever even to tinkle. He started getting an attack like the reporter in white pants, but as anyone who knew him could predict, there would be nothing dainty about his blowout.

He not only shit his underwear, he leaked copious amounts of diarrhea on the floor. It got worse when the worker came with a wet mop and started smearing it around.

I can’t recall how they improvised to get him to the car without wearing his soiled pants, but I’m sure it was disturbing.

He was a big Democrat and USC fan, fwiw. Just thought I’d throw that in because I know he’d appreciate it. 

Edited November 10, 2018 by ImissWallyPryor