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2018 Shart Thread

Roofle

By Roofle
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Incredulity

Incredulity 11674

Posted
Posted

Joined the 18 club in early Sept.

Took the family to brewpub for lunch then we headed to a lake in the woods to do some leisurely shore fishing with a couple growlers.

Well growler describes my stomach about a half hour after arrival.  Started the couple hundred yard walk to outhouse.  Nope, happening now.  Dropped shorts and squated in the bushes.  Had to clean up with my boxers.

I’m an animal.

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ImissWallyPryor

ImissWallyPryor 9046

Posted
Posted (edited)
15 hours ago, Robin Masters said:

Goddamit. Medically induced shart. I've got a colonoscopy tomorrow, been drinking that shit that makes you shit. Already two extended trips to the toilet, waited a little too long on this one. One drop made it on my underwear when i stood up from the couch.

Me, too. Just got my IV and visit from the CRNA. I have permission - encouragement, actually - to fart after the procedure.

I also had a bit of an accident last night. 

Edited by ImissWallyPryor
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Jhawk

Jhawk 1075

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 7/30/2018 at 3:43 PM, GotThatFire said:

I'm curious, as someone who's never sharted... What is wrong with your buttholes that poop just be coming out? Is it like, a condition?

Was recounting the year and saw this was never addressed.

The simple answer is because we're men.  Men who push the limits.  Men who see that the car in front of us is just far enough to the left that we can sneak by, cutting off the bike lane, to make a right turn on red.  Men who pay their taxes after April 15th.  Men who pull an 8 iron when a soft 7 is clearly the club to use.  You see, Man has a busy life and many thoughts.  Most days Man celebrates his time on the shitter.  It might be the only time he is left alone all day, maybe all week.  He can reach mental clarity and complete homeostasis.  Other times Man is forced by his very nature to hunker down and get shit done.  Most of the time when Man is forced into unabated servitude it is undoubtedly after chipotle or some other meal that is equal parts runny, spicy, hot, and overwhelmingly filling.  And just like Man will bury his emotions for years on end, act like he is working in his garage to ignore his wife, endlessly watch sports on a saturday instead of raking leaves, or pretend to love his annoying children so they grow up to lead a happy life, Man will put his work before the needs of his body because when it is time to prove that Man can sacrifice, Man will sacrifice.  He will sacrifice his dignity, his pride, and his underwear to prove to the world that he is, in fact, Man.  And Man will pay the consequences.

Sharting isn't about shitty sphincterial seals.  Its about showing dedication to your craft in a way that others will never question it.  You can do that one of two ways... go shopping with your wife, or shit your pants.  One path signals to the female population that you're a "good husband."  The other path signals to all other silverbacks on the prairie that you are a man of integrity and dedication and you will garner the respect of the most alpha of the herd.  All for the low price of a little yearly squirtle.   What's it going to be?  You going to hold your wife's purse at the movies to show you have the guts to be a man?  Or are you going to shit your fucking pants and make that very same wife toss them in the laundry for you?  Both accomplish the exact same thing, just to different audiences.

I'm a fucking man and I shit my pants so often I traded in all of my white underwear for strictly black underwear.  My farts stink like I've eaten the highest protein diet in all the land and I can hold back diarrhea for 45 minutes.  But when the time comes and my lunchmates see my brow sweating 15 minutes into a 2 hour task they know what kind of Man I am.  A Man's Man.  Lesser me with "better hygiene" want to be me.  All of their women want to be with me.

Edited by Jhawk
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'stache

'stache 21816

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Posted

Sat down to take what I thought was a normal shit. Ended up exploding with several gallons of projectile liquid turd. Literally had no clue until it started. If I had tried a fart it’s likely I’d have more than started myself. My butthole burns currently. I don’t think I’m anywhere near done for the evening.

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Leeroy Jenkins

Leeroy Jenkins 2404

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Posted
Was recounting the year and saw this was never addressed.
The simple answer is because we're men.  Men who push the limits.  Men who see that the car in front of us is just far enough to the left that we can sneak by, cutting off the bike lane, to make a right turn on red.  Men who pay their taxes after April 15th.  Men who pull an 8 iron when a soft 7 is clearly the club to use.  You see, Man has a busy life and many thoughts.  Most days Man celebrates his time on the shitter.  It might be the only time he is left alone all day, maybe all week.  He can reach mental clarity and complete homeostasis.  Other times Man is forced by his very nature to hunker down and get shit done.  Most of the time when Man is forced into unabated servitude it is undoubtedly after chipotle or some other meal that is equal parts runny, spicy, hot, and overwhelmingly filling.  And just like Man will bury his emotions for years on end, act like he is working in his garage to ignore his wife, endlessly watch sports on a saturday instead of raking leaves, or pretend to love his annoying children so they grow up to lead a happy life, Man will put his work before the needs of his body because when it is time to prove that Man can sacrifice, Man will sacrifice.  He will sacrifice his dignity, his pride, and his underwear to prove to the world that he is, in fact, Man.  And Man will pay the consequences.
Sharting isn't about shitty sphincterial seals.  Its about showing dedication to your craft in a way that others will never question it.  You can do that one of two ways... go shopping with your wife, or shit your pants.  One path signals to the female population that you're a "good husband."  The other path signals to all other silverbacks on the prairie that you are a man of integrity and dedication and you will garner the respect of the most alpha of the herd.  All for the low price of a little yearly squirtle.   What's it going to be?  You going to hold your wife's purse at the movies to show you have the guts to be a man?  Or are you going to shit your fucking pants and make that very same wife toss them in the laundry for you?  Both accomplish the exact same thing, just to different audiences.
I'm a fucking man and I shit my pants so often I traded in all of my white underwear for strictly black underwear.  My farts stink like I've eaten the highest protein diet in all the land and I can hold back diarrhea for 45 minutes.  But when the time comes and my lunchmates see my brow sweating 15 minutes into a 2 hour task they know what kind of Man I am.  A Man's Man.  Lesser me with "better hygiene" want to be me.  All of their women want to be with me.


Long shart
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Hmbre97

Hmbre97 6308

Posted
Posted
Sat down to take what I thought was a normal shit. Ended up exploding with several gallons of projectile liquid turd. Literally had no clue until it started. If I had tried a fart it’s likely I’d have more than started myself. My butthole burns currently. I don’t think I’m anywhere near done for the evening.

I had a close call yesterday that also caught me by surprise. I took a shit which was of normal quantity and consistency. About 5 minutes later, I felt the urge to fart. Started to push it out when I immediately sensed something wasn't right so clenched back up. Went to the bathroom and had a large amount of brown lava flow forth.  

Where the fuck was this 5 minutes ago?

 

 

 

 

 

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Judge Roybeanbag

Judge Roybeanbag 11819

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Had a close call yesterday.  After trimming cedar, checking a grease trap/septic tank and later smoking some pork loins and eating I had inhaled so many variant smells that when I farted, it felt so hot and foul I thought it had to be shit.   It wasn’t, but it smelled worse than an undertaker’s farts after a church bean supper.  

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