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Gettin Laid: 2019

SquishMitten

By SquishMitten
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immortal13
immortal13
Underdog
Underdog

Did your dad take you out to buy your favorite toy so that you wouldn’t tell mom? 

immortal13
immortal13
GRHorn

GRHorn 105

Posted
Posted
On 1/30/2019 at 8:36 AM, Jkwellborn said:


It doesn’t get better for a while. My little girl is 8.5 and heaven forbid the wife and I try to talk about something the kids don’t need to hear. She will follow us around and sit in there with us. If she does leave, she’s liable to sit right outside the door. Nosy ass.

Jesus Christ don’t you people have locks on your bedroom door? I understand kids can be cockblocks, but they can be worked around. 

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South Austin

South Austin 52563

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Whatever said:
3 hours ago, immortal13 said:
She woke me up at 3:30 last night wanting to fuck and then again at 6. I might have to marry this girl

All of that awesomeness stops once you get married.

It can happen when you take the wife to Paris and she's still on Texas time, so there's that going for you.

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Jhawk

Jhawk 1075

Posted
Posted (edited)

Checking in from Tulsa.... had a good go of it on bumble and hinge.  Started out down here with a couple of low mediocre girls.  As I have said, I need at least a 1.5 point handicap in Tulsa.  There are hot women, they are all just scooped up and married by age 24.  So I get here just over 3 weeks ago and start to prowl.  Knock down a couple of 6's about a week after I get here to get the juices flowing.  Then in the last week I have drilled a former budweiser bikini girl and and a girl who I think is a HARD 8 or a soft 9.  Her body is definitely a 9 with some big fake boobies that kept popping out of her deep cut shirt as we pounded a bottle of sake.  I'd give her face an 8 or so.  The budweiser girl still has the body shape and probably only weighs 110 or so but you can tell she's lost the tone.  That pussy is tight as fuck though.  Finally, I hit hooters about a week ago with some friends and the waitress kept asking if I was bradley cooper.  Naturally, I signed a napkin with my number on it and a note that said "you'd make it big where I'm from."  I didn't think anything of it and she started texting me on Friday.  I told her if she was 21 I'd buy her a drink.  "I'm not but I have an ID that say's I am."  So I offer to have her come over to my place and "knock it out" and she says that her week is busy with midterms.  We're working out a study break between our schedules this week.  Turns out she's verifiable 19.  She's insane but fuck it.

Finally, scheduled my vasectomy for 4/11/19 so I don't get anyone pregnant.  Riding the heater while I can.  Noodz will come from the hot ones as soon as I can get them.

Edited by Jhawk
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immortal13

immortal13 4059

Posted
Posted
54 minutes ago, Jhawk said:

Checking in from Tulsa.... had a good go of it on bumble and hinge.  Started out down here with a couple of low mediocre girls.  As I have said, I need at least a 1.5 point handicap in Tulsa.  There are hot women, they are all just scooped up and married by age 24.  So I get here just over 3 weeks ago and start to prowl.  Knock down a couple of 6's about a week after I get here to get the juices flowing.  Then in the last week I have drilled a former budweiser bikini girl and and a girl who I think is a HARD 8 or a soft 9.  Her body is definitely a 9 with some big fake boobies that kept popping out of her deep cut shirt as we pounded a bottle of sake.  I'd give her face an 8 or so.  The budweiser girl still has the body shape and probably only weighs 110 or so but you can tell she's lost the tone.  That pussy is tight as fuck though.  Finally, I hit hooters about a week ago with some friends and the waitress kept asking if I was bradley cooper.  Naturally, I signed a napkin with my number on it and a note that said "you'd make it big where I'm from."  I didn't think anything of it and she started texting me on Friday.  I told her if she was 21 I'd buy her a drink.  "I'm not but I have an ID that say's I am."  So I offer to have her come over to my place and "knock it out" and she says that her week is busy with midterms.  We're working out a study break between our schedules this week.  Turns out she's verifiable 19.  She's insane but fuck it.

Finally, scheduled my vasectomy for 4/11/19 so I don't get anyone pregnant.  Riding the heater while I can.  Noodz will come from the hot ones as soon as I can get them.

Repped

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Whatever

Whatever 700

Posted
Posted
Checking in from Tulsa.... had a good go of it on bumble and hinge.  Started out down here with a couple of low mediocre girls.  As I have said, I need at least a 1.5 point handicap in Tulsa.  There are hot women, they are all just scooped up and married by age 24.  So I get here just over 3 weeks ago and start to prowl.  Knock down a couple of 6's about a week after I get here to get the juices flowing.  Then in the last week I have drilled a former budweiser bikini girl and and a girl who I think is a HARD 8 or a soft 9.  Her body is definitely a 9 with some big fake boobies that kept popping out of her deep cut shirt as we pounded a bottle of sake.  I'd give her face an 8 or so.  The budweiser girl still has the body shape and probably only weighs 110 or so but you can tell she's lost the tone.  That pussy is tight as fuck though.  Finally, I hit hooters about a week ago with some friends and the waitress kept asking if I was bradley cooper.  Naturally, I signed a napkin with my number on it and a note that said "you'd make it big where I'm from."  I didn't think anything of it and she started texting me on Friday.  I told her if she was 21 I'd buy her a drink.  "I'm not but I have an ID that say's I am."  So I offer to have her come over to my place and "knock it out" and she says that her week is busy with midterms.  We're working out a study break between our schedules this week.  Turns out she's verifiable 19.  She's insane but fuck it.
Finally, scheduled my vasectomy for 4/11/19 so I don't get anyone pregnant.  Riding the heater while I can.  Noodz will come from the hot ones as soon as I can get them.
Godspeed.
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South Austin

South Austin 52563

Posted
Posted
21 hours ago, Jhawk said:

Checking in from Tulsa.... had a good go of it on bumble and hinge.  Started out down here with a couple of low mediocre girls.  As I have said, I need at least a 1.5 point handicap in Tulsa.  There are hot women, they are all just scooped up and married by age 24.  So I get here just over 3 weeks ago and start to prowl.  Knock down a couple of 6's about a week after I get here to get the juices flowing.  Then in the last week I have drilled a former budweiser bikini girl and and a girl who I think is a HARD 8 or a soft 9.  Her body is definitely a 9 with some big fake boobies that kept popping out of her deep cut shirt as we pounded a bottle of sake.  I'd give her face an 8 or so.  The budweiser girl still has the body shape and probably only weighs 110 or so but you can tell she's lost the tone.  That pussy is tight as fuck though.  Finally, I hit hooters about a week ago with some friends and the waitress kept asking if I was bradley cooper.  Naturally, I signed a napkin with my number on it and a note that said "you'd make it big where I'm from."  I didn't think anything of it and she started texting me on Friday.  I told her if she was 21 I'd buy her a drink.  "I'm not but I have an ID that say's I am."  So I offer to have her come over to my place and "knock it out" and she says that her week is busy with midterms.  We're working out a study break between our schedules this week.  Turns out she's verifiable 19.  She's insane but fuck it.

Finally, scheduled my vasectomy for 4/11/19 so I don't get anyone pregnant.  Riding the heater while I can.  Noodz will come from the hot ones as soon as I can get them.

giphy.gif

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BearSchlong

BearSchlong 8109

Posted
Posted

I'm on a heater. Last night after 3 hours of cajun dancing at Larry's French market, and again tonight after she and the girls saw Kool and the Gang at the Nugget.

I almost cockblocked myself last night though.

Me: 6 lbs of crawfish pls.
Her: you ain't touching my pussy tonight
Me: dont worry ima wash my hands first
Her: dont matter
Me: have another drink dear

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lateshow

lateshow 1305

Posted
Posted
On 3/17/2019 at 2:53 AM, BearSchlong said:

I'm on a heater. Last night after 3 hours of cajun dancing at Larry's French market, and again tonight after she and the girls saw Kool and the Gang at the Nugget.

I almost cockblocked myself last night though.

Me: 6 lbs of crawfish pls.
Her: you ain't touching my pussy tonight
Me: dont worry ima wash my hands first
Her: dont matter
Me: have another drink dear

Nothing gets that pussy marinating faster than Kool and the Gang.

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After irth

After irth 1243

Posted
Posted

At a concert the other night and pulled two chicks without trying.

One was drunk and needy. Had her all warmed up before reality set in. Once I considered the implications of dealing with her aftermath, I made the decision to ditch her. 

Karma rewarded me with the cute bartender that I had been dealing with all night. 

Sometimes, it’s just nice to know you still have some game. 

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Jhawk

Jhawk 1075

Posted
Posted

Welp... in this episode of don’t stick your shank in crazy jhawk is in the Tulsa police department filing a protective order against the former Budweiser girl. 1000s of texts from her with no provocation from me didn’t do it. It was when she followed me to brunch, texting me from across the restaurant, and then asking about my female employees by name (which she has no reason to know) that got me here.  One night together and she’s losing her mind. Can’t wait for the fallout once she’s served. 

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GotThatFire

GotThatFire 166

Posted
Posted
On 3/17/2019 at 1:53 AM, BearSchlong said:

I'm on a heater. Last night after 3 hours of cajun dancing at Larry's French market, and again tonight after she and the girls saw Kool and the Gang at the Nugget.

I almost cockblocked myself last night though.

Me: 6 lbs of crawfish pls.
Her: you ain't touching my pussy tonight
Me: dont worry ima wash my hands first
Her: dont matter
Me: have another drink dear

Lots of crawfidh = no pussy? 

Learn me

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Mitch Cumsteen

Mitch Cumsteen 18551

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Jhawk said:

Welp... in this episode of don’t stick your shank in crazy jhawk is in the Tulsa police department filing a protective order against the former Budweiser girl. 1000s of texts from her with no provocation from me didn’t do it. It was when she followed me to brunch, texting me from across the restaurant, and then asking about my female employees by name (which she has no reason to know) that got me here.  One night together and she’s losing her mind. Can’t wait for the fallout once she’s served. 

She sounds like marriage material to me. How are her decorating chops? 

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Incredulity

Incredulity 11682

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Jhawk said:

Welp... in this episode of don’t stick your shank in crazy jhawk is in the Tulsa police department filing a protective order against the former Budweiser girl. 1000s of texts from her with no provocation from me didn’t do it. It was when she followed me to brunch, texting me from across the restaurant, and then asking about my female employees by name (which she has no reason to know) that got me here.  One night together and she’s losing her mind. Can’t wait for the fallout once she’s served. 

I Did Not See That Coming GIF - Anchorman Comedy LukeWilson GIFs

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