Gettin Laid: 2019

[SquishMitten 10403]

I'm exaggerating, but you know, we have a 6 yo and a 3yo so the dry spells happen sometimes.

I have a 5 yo, 3yo, and 13 week old. I’ve never gone more than two weeks, usually 1/week minimum. Not that the wife is always interested, but she knows I have certain needs. You’ve gotta get that shit under control

[Gil Bang 25948]

1 hour ago, jeevsie said:

Dear Penthouse Forum:

Things like this never happen to me....

the old National Lampoon once had "Children's letters to Penthouse Forum".  

It was awesome.  "I'm no John C. Holmes, but my weiner was a rock-hard 2 and a half inches when I saw her nearly-developed breasts"

[South Austin 52484]

10 hours ago, Droopy said:

Ive been thinking of starting a new thread, but will post this here for now. 

The wife is going through some sort of change, and has become insatiable in bed. It's actually been going on for about 2 years now. We fuck about 3 times a week and do oral outside of that at least 2 days. Its like having my own living sex doll. Shes into just about every suggestion for sex. Weve bought toys, clothes, sex gear, whips, ass plugs, vibrators, etc... any hole, any  location shes into it. In the car, covered back porch, balcony, she's a voyeur . Shes lost weight and is most likely going through a mid life crisis sort of deal, and has never been into sex really. Shes a teacher and has always been shy, but shes broken out of her shell and onto my junk like you wouldn't  believe. Ive got pics but doubt i can put them on here, but may start a thread if i can get access to the new NSAA.

Ps, the plugs and shit are for her ass not mine, although a tongue is  nice from time to time.

Mrs. South Austin has been going through something similar the past two years, thought not at the level you’re describing. Definitely a mid-life thing going on since she hit 40 and the baby/toddler years were behind her. She’s always been into sex and is great in bed, but she’s been a ton more adventurous and expressive, and has instigated sex a lot more than she ever did before.  And as some of you fellow assholes from the old site remember, she got a nice set of bolt-on’s, which certainly helped the cause. I’m just going to ride it out as long as I can.

[luke duke 6413]

Jesus Christ is that the fucking truth. My five year old is so deep in her mothers ass

[Armybrat 40834]

9 hours ago, Fred Willard said:

Droopy is a liar

His username doesn’t get close to checking out.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

3rd lay of the new year last night. I have to be first in the power rankings

 

 

[South Austin 52484]

11 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

3rd lay of the new year last night. I have to be first in the power rankings.

Awesome. Did you just get married?

[Fred Willard 115]

1 minute ago, South Austin said:

Awesome. Did you just get married?

Did you ever post pics of your wife’s hooters?

Checking in. I’ve got laid 3 times this year. 

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

11 minutes ago, South Austin said:

Awesome. Did you just get married?

2014

[Your Mom 4805]

I fucked my girlfriend on a blanket in the middle of one of the soccer fields at Circle C a few nights ago.  Finished up and had a late night cocktail at The District on the back home.

[Underdog 28618]

54 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

3rd lay of the new year last night. I have to be first in the power rankings

 

 

$5 is $5, no judging here. 

[mulletpelini 5211]

 

16 hours ago, Jkwellborn said:

Who else is she fucking?

He said she was a teacher, what more do you really need to know?

3 hours ago, Your Mom said:

I fucked my girlfriend on a blanket in the middle of one of the soccer fields at Circle C a few nights ago.  Finished up and had a late night cocktail at The District on the back home.

username checks out.

Edited February 2, 2019 by mulletpelini

[Jkwellborn 6697]

 
username checks out.

Trying to find out where the line starts. Get with it my man.

[huge 3793]

Someone help Droopy get his shit together

[Victorious1 140]

Victorious1 is on the scoreboard!  I knocked 2019 out early this year (married 23 years...)

My projected run rate is 4-6 times this year (Winter, Spring, Summer & Fall).  I need to check back in July but I'm sure I'll be disappointed. 

[Sandman 3403]

Used to be, the weekends were for fuckin', as the kids were off to their mother's and my wife and I had the house to ourselves. Now, the kids are working and our routine is all messed up. I still get it a couple times a week but never when I want it. Like hardly ever on a Friday or Saturday night, I gotta strike on Tuesday or something. It really sucks because I don't work Fridays, so I spend all day on the edge and then she fizzles out at 9:30 "Ugh, I'm exhausted". 

[Homercles 10205]

We’ve got two young kids, 2 and 5, so opportunities tend to be limited when one or both is us are up by 6 on the weekends...and the rare ‘late’ mornings in January that usually signal go time were wasted as she was recovering from a rough sinus surgery. However after a date night at Uchi last week I got to ring in 2019.

Naturally yesterday she tested positive for the flu and I’m back to sleeping in the guest room + handling all the kid duties + worried I’ll come down with the flu myself...doesn’t matter, had sex.

Illnesses suck.

[After irth 1243]

This is a sad thread. 

[Sandman 3403]

The icy road conditions this morning meant I wasn't going to work, so we made the most of it. Great way to start my day!

[NWBuck 8552]

2019?

Hell, I'm still waiting on 2018 (and a good portion of 2017 as well)

[Longhorn94 2448]

if we go a week without, there is something wrong. a typical week is multiple times. she is more into it now than when we first met. there is no doubt i am a lucky man.

Edited February 7, 2019 by Longhorn94

[ulukinatme 1763]

On 1/6/2019 at 7:01 AM, ulukinatme said:

The wife and I had an impromptu session last night, first of the year.  I expect my next piece to come sometime in late February if we follow our current pattern.

Late February may be coming early tonight....and so will I.

[Reagan1k 3024]

On 2/6/2019 at 2:32 PM, Sandman said:

Used to be, the weekends were for fuckin', as the kids were off to their mother's and my wife and I had the house to ourselves. Now, the kids are working and our routine is all messed up. I still get it a couple times a week but never when I want it. Like hardly ever on a Friday or Saturday night, I gotta strike on Tuesday or something. It really sucks because I don't work Fridays, so I spend all day on the edge and then she fizzles out at 9:30 "Ugh, I'm exhausted". 

Kids getting their drivers license is great, except that you no longer control when they are home.

I remember that phase of high school and college ages kids.  Felt like a revolving door of people cock-blocking us.  When they can't drive you control when they are and aren't home.  That shit goes out the window fast.

Little Johnny isn't home all week until she starts grabbing at your dick on Saturday night and then he shows up, tired from whatever and just wants to hang at home for a while.  Then, he get's his second wind and goes out to see his friends at 11:00, five minutes after the wife starts snoring.

[Homercles 10205]

This is a sad thread. 

[immortal13 4059]

Slammed that pussy hard last night

[Hate 20108]

On 2/7/2019 at 5:59 AM, After irth said:

This is a sad thread. 

Right?  After reading this thread I don't feel so bad about only getting laid twice a week with a couple of blowjobs a month mixed in.

[Jkwellborn 6697]

Slammed that pussy hard last night

The ASPCA and PETA are gonna be after you.

[F250 28770]

On 2/2/2019 at 8:45 AM, MNLonghornFUKM said:

2014

Only 3 times in the past month and you have been married less than 5 years? That is a terrible sign of things to come.

[South Austin 52484]

Ding-ding.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

Only 3 times in the past month and you have been married less than 5 years? That is a terrible sign of things to come.

Probably. 2 of those years involved 2 pregnancies, recoveries, bed rest and flat out not having sex for 9 months to avoid bed rest

 

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

Y'all must not be exercising, eating right, and giving in to every last damned thing she wants. Been married 27 years, and averaging 10 times a week the last few months. It's not rocket science -- she wants something dumb? Give her something dumb.

[Clackles 276]

1 hour ago, Walden Ponderer said:

Give her something dumb.

Like climbing on top of her for the 10th time in a week after 27 years of marriage?

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

11 minutes ago, Clackles said:

Like climbing on top of her for the 10th time in a week after 27 years of marriage?

Don't be ridiculous. That's why doggystyle was invented.

[After irth 1243]

8 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Probably. 2 of those years involved 2 pregnancies, recoveries, bed rest and flat out not having sex for 9 months to avoid bed rest

 

Trying to wrap my head around “not having sex to avoid bed rest.”  

[Armybrat 40834]

1 hour ago, Walden Ponderer said:

Don't be ridiculous. That's why doggystyle was invented.

Not married to a cowgirl?

[Homercles 10205]

Y'all must not be exercising, eating right, and giving in to every last damned thing she wants. Been married 27 years, and averaging 10 times a week the last few months. It's not rocket science -- she wants something dumb? Give her something dumb.

So...how old are your kids?

[Scooter Monzingo 820]

5 hours ago, Walden Ponderer said:

Y'all must not be exercising, eating right, and giving in to every last damned thing she wants. Been married 27 years, and averaging 10 times a week the last few months. It's not rocket science -- she wants something dumb? Give her something dumb.

Averaging 10 times a week of what? Fucking? C’mon man....ain’t no one believing that shit.

[South Austin 52484]

3 minutes ago, Scooter Monzingo said:

Averaging 10 times a week of what? Fucking? C’mon man....ain’t no one believing that shit.

If 8 of those instances are fapping, then he’s getting in the realm of believability.

[Armybrat 40834]

Maybe he fixed her up with Dumb and Dumber?

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

There are tremendous advantages to marrying a Church of Christ girl with low expectations. 

[nineliveslost 2753]

7 hours ago, Walden Ponderer said:

Y'all must not be exercising, eating right, and giving in to every last damned thing she wants. Been married 27 years, and averaging 10 times a week the last few months. It's not rocket science -- she wants something dumb? Give her something dumb.

Buuuuuuulllllshit. 120 times the last 3 months and after 27 years...what. the . fuck. ever. 10 times a week?!?!?! smh Must be 10 times punching the clown a week.

 

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

To be fair, it's not sustainable. Feast or famine. But no famines like the celibacy this thread is full of, for damn sure. Either one of us gets cranky as hell after a 3 or 4 day drought.

[Scooter Monzingo 820]

11 hours ago, Walden Ponderer said:

To be fair, it's not sustainable. Feast or famine. But no famines like the celibacy this thread is full of, for damn sure. Either one of us gets cranky as hell after a 3 or 4 day drought.

No, no ,no. You know us. We allow almost anything. But when you cross the line and throw such a number out there. A number that you know will mind fuck the guys who measure frequency by the orbit of Jupiter. Well, we won’t stand for that.

[Fred Willard 115]

Lol 10 times a week...ain’t nobody got time for that.

Lol not being able to sex a pregnant wife. 

Lol at me. I think I’m at 3 for the year.

[mulletpelini 5211]

On 2/6/2019 at 2:32 PM, Sandman said:

It really sucks because I don't work Fridays, so I spend all day on the edge and then she fizzles out at 9:30 "Ugh, I'm exhausted". 

Have I heard it? Yes.  It's not a stop sign though, it's a fucking green light.

"No problem, I'll do all the work and who knows you might just getting a sleeping aid in the process.  No guarantees though."

I'm thinking I might get some tonight.

[Underdog 28618]

22 hours ago, Scooter Monzingo said:

Averaging 10 times a week of what? Fucking? C’mon man....ain’t no one believing that shit.

Dude ought to have his cock bronzed. 

[Doze 1322]

On 2/7/2019 at 5:59 AM, After irth said:

This is a sad thread. 

No kidding. 

Give her "rights of first refusal" then look into doing business with a third party (side chick).

[nineliveslost 2753]

3 hours ago, Underdog said:

Dude ought to have his cock bronzed. 

or he is a bronze teller of tales. Complete bullshit

[Charles DeMar 221]

First time this year.  Married 16 years with three kids.  She's had health problems, but ... I imagine it will be April before it happens again.  Good times!

 

[Quagmire 2147]

Unless the health problems consisted of her Pussy turning into a cock I think you got screwed (no pun)