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Gettin Laid: 2019

SquishMitten

By SquishMitten
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immortal13
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Did your dad take you out to buy your favorite toy so that you wouldn’t tell mom? 

immortal13
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Kyrie Eleison

Kyrie Eleison 9312

Posted
Posted
23 hours ago, Jhawk said:

Welp... in this episode of don’t stick your shank in crazy jhawk is in the Tulsa police department filing a protective order against the former Budweiser girl. 1000s of texts from her with no provocation from me didn’t do it. It was when she followed me to brunch, texting me from across the restaurant, and then asking about my female employees by name (which she has no reason to know) that got me here.  One night together and she’s losing her mind. Can’t wait for the fallout once she’s served. 

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Winona's Big Orange Bevo

Winona's Big Orange Bevo 197

Posted
Posted
On 3/25/2019 at 11:11 AM, Jhawk said:

Welp... in this episode of don’t stick your shank in crazy jhawk is in the Tulsa police department filing a protective order against the former Budweiser girl. 1000s of texts from her with no provocation from me didn’t do it. It was when she followed me to brunch, texting me from across the restaurant, and then asking about my female employees by name (which she has no reason to know) that got me here.  One night together and she’s losing her mind. Can’t wait for the fallout once she’s served. 

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Sbbruin

Sbbruin 21851

Posted
Posted

Sending my wife out with about 12 women for her birthday.  I set up a Lyft code so they could all drink unabashedly.  Covering dinner and drinks at the first stop.  Likelihood of me getting laid is high.  Likelihood of her remembering- or perhaps even being conscious- maybe not so high.

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Pescado_Rojo

Pescado_Rojo 19416

Posted
Posted
7 minutes ago, Sbbruin said:

Sending my wife out with about 12 women for her birthday.  I set up a Lyft code so they could all drink unabashedly.  Covering dinner and drinks at the first stop.  Likelihood of me getting laid is high.  Likelihood of her remembering- or perhaps even being conscious- maybe not so high.

If she's anything like Mrs Rojo, the difference between "Dear Penthouse" and puking and passing out is about .75 gin & tonics. 

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Sbbruin

Sbbruin 21851

Posted
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6 minutes ago, Pescado_Rojo said:

If she's anything like Mrs Rojo, the difference between "Dear Penthouse" and puking and passing out is about .75 gin & tonics. 

They appear to be very much alike.  The last time I backdoored her was about 10 years ago, just before that line was crossed.

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Jkwellborn

Jkwellborn 6699

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Sending my wife out with about 12 women for her birthday.  I set up a Lyft code so they could all drink unabashedly.  Covering dinner and drinks at the first stop.  Likelihood of me getting laid is high.  Likelihood of her remembering- or perhaps even being conscious- maybe not so high.

You have this wrong. The odds of her getting laid are high. She’s gonna come home, drunk, tired and full of strangers love juice. She’ll be asleep before you can get a chance. Unless that’s your thing.
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ztejas

ztejas 43425

Posted
Posted (edited)

I have like a 9 personality 6 body 6 face coming over. Kind of below my general bang standards (we're usually looking over 21 total here on a bad day 23 plus on the money)  but I'm trying to quench a dry spell so fuck it. She's buying booze and I might need it since I have literally been up all night since the MASTAS decided to start at 8 in the fucking morning. 

wish me luck wev I'll report back - go Tiger. 

on the topic of dry spell - a couple of months now but with an 8/8/8. She was 20 years older and I have issues with other persons in general. 

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Pescado_Rojo

Pescado_Rojo 19416

Posted
Posted
On 4/12/2019 at 4:32 PM, Sbbruin said:

Sending my wife out with about 12 women for her birthday.  I set up a Lyft code so they could all drink unabashedly.  Covering dinner and drinks at the first stop.  Likelihood of me getting laid is high.  Likelihood of her remembering- or perhaps even being conscious- maybe not so high.

well? 

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luke duke

luke duke 6413

Posted
Posted
I'm on a heater. Last night after 3 hours of cajun dancing at Larry's French market, and again tonight after she and the girls saw Kool and the Gang at the Nugget.

I almost cockblocked myself last night though.

Me: 6 lbs of crawfish pls.
Her: you ain't touching my pussy tonight
Me: dont worry ima wash my hands first
Her: dont matter
Me: have another drink dear


The only time that wasn’t approached by a stripper while at a strip club was when my friends and I went to The Men’s Club after the Byron Nelson for some cheap crawfish. The all took one look at about 20 lbs of crawfish on the table and us chowing down like we hadn’t eaten for a month and they all turned around.
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ABSR

ABSR 5311

Posted
Posted
On 4/12/2019 at 4:32 PM, Sbbruin said:

Sending my wife out with about 12 women for her birthday.  I set up a Lyft code so they could all drink unabashedly.  Covering dinner and drinks at the first stop.  Likelihood of me getting laid is high.  Likelihood of her remembering- or perhaps even being conscious- maybe not so high.

So the kind of sex you both like.

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Jhawk

Jhawk 1075

Posted
Posted

Finally got the lady served. Court on 5/6/19. She showed up to court this morning with an attorney so I asked for a continuance to hire counsel. Her argument that she isn’t insane is centered around the alleged fact that she was at a restaurant before I was and so she didn’t stalk me and follow me there. The protective order was for harassment though so even if she was at the restaurant first she still didn’t have to send hundreds (thousands?) of Texts to me after I asked her to stop. Regardless of winning the PO against her, the court has asked me to submit all evidence i’m bringing (the Texts) which is exactly what I want. I need it on record that she consented to our sexual encounter because she now describes the encounter as me making her uncomfortable. Basically, she’s a time bomb waiting to accuse me of rape. 

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8817

Posted
Posted
Finally got the lady served. Court on 5/6/19. She showed up to court this morning with an attorney so I asked for a continuance to hire counsel. Her argument that she isn’t insane is centered around the alleged fact that she was at a restaurant before I was and so she didn’t stalk me and follow me there. The protective order was for harassment though so even if she was at the restaurant first she still didn’t have to send hundreds (thousands?) of Texts to me after I asked her to stop. Regardless of winning the PO against her, the court has asked me to submit all evidence i’m bringing (the Texts) which is exactly what I want. I need it on record that she consented to our sexual encounter because she now describes the encounter as me making her uncomfortable. Basically, she’s a time bomb waiting to accuse me of rape. 
Instead of a vasectomy, you should just get your pecker chopped off
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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8806

Posted
Posted
On 4/12/2019 at 4:32 PM, Sbbruin said:

Sending my wife out with about 12 women for her birthday.  I set up a Lyft code so they could all drink unabashedly.  Covering dinner and drinks at the first stop.  Likelihood of me getting laid is high.  Likelihood of her remembering- or perhaps even being conscious- maybe not so high.

 

On 4/12/2019 at 4:41 PM, Pescado_Rojo said:

If she's anything like Mrs Rojo, the difference between "Dear Penthouse" and puking and passing out is about .75 gin & tonics. 

Yep, with that setup I was thinking more along the lines of her getting laid before she got home, and then after she got home, puking all over him and then passing out.  In any case best of luck..

Maybe that's just a cynical jealous old man talkin that who knows.

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MissingInAction

MissingInAction 25068

Posted
Posted

Walking through the complex parking lot and I see a chick with luggage banging on a door. Dude opens the door

Dude; I told you this wasn't happening.

Psycho chick: just for the weekend it will be fun.

Dude: last time you stayed for a week and I had the locks changed. I'm calling the police.

PC: can't wait to make dinner

Pushed her way in. 

This is my building so keeping an ear open for psycho drama screaming

 

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Blotto

Blotto 23499

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

Walking through the complex parking lot and I see a chick with luggage banging on a door. Dude opens the door

Dude; I told you this wasn't happening.

Psycho chick: just for the weekend it will be fun.

Dude: last time you stayed for a week and I had the locks changed. I'm calling the police.

PC: can't wait to make dinner

Pushed her way in. 

This is my building so keeping an ear open for psycho drama screaming

 

Thats what you get opening the door on a Monday. 

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BearSchlong

BearSchlong 8091

Posted
Posted

Saturday I had spent the day offshore then cooked dinner for my mom and my wife's dad. I passed out at 830.

Wife stayed up with a bottle of wine and jumped me at about 1130.

Tonight she's going with a girlfriend to see Al Green in sugarland. Fair to middling odds.

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Whatever

Whatever 700

Posted
Posted
Saturday I had spent the day offshore then cooked dinner for my mom and my wife's dad. I passed out at 830.

Wife stayed up with a bottle of wine and jumped me at about 1130.

Tonight she's going with a girlfriend to see Al Green in sugarland. Fair to middling odds.
It's Al Green. Your wife and her GF just may "experiment" together tonight.
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Gil Bang

Gil Bang 25954

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, BearSchlong said:

Saturday I had spent the day offshore then cooked dinner for my mom and my wife's dad. I passed out at 830.

Wife stayed up with a bottle of wine and jumped me at about 1130.

Tonight she's going with a girlfriend to see Al Green in sugarland. Fair to middling odds.

Oh shit. Rev. Al is still a pantydropper

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