Jump to content

Shart Thread 2019: Year of the Squirt

Prepuce of Doom

By Prepuce of Doom
in Lulz

 Share

Recommended Posts

  • 2 weeks later...
Bat Guano

Bat Guano 359

Posted
Posted

2 already today and it's still early. I'm on antibiotics for a foot infection, and I blame that. For the first one I was pretty sure the fart was treacherous, but let it out full bore anyway. Yup. I was still at home so I just cleaned up, changed underwear, and went on with my day. Embrace the shart!

Second one didn't make it to the underwear because of some excellent situational awareness on my asscheeks' part. I think it still counts.

Probably going to end up with a hat trick for the day.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
Gil Bang

Gil Bang 25,984

Posted
Posted

So, in Costco, and I decide to take a leak.   A guy is  a few steps ahead of me going into the men's room.  Walk in, there's three urinals.  Left is occupied, so guy in front of me goes to the right, and I take the middle.  Shortly, guy at left finishes and leaves.  Me and guy to right still standing there.  He starts to fart, and then it takes a turn for the worse, and  I hear a horrible gurgling sound.  I'm trying not to laugh at the dude's predicament. 

Now, the decent thing to do would be zip up, wash up, and leave, saving the guy a little embarrassment.  

That's not what I did.   

I stood there, holding my cock, pretending to piss, until the dude did the sad shuffle into the stall cursing under his breath.  

  • Like 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13,253

Posted
Posted
On 3/2/2019 at 2:14 PM, Gil Bang said:

So, in Costco, and I decide to take a leak.   A guy is  a few steps ahead of me going into the men's room.  Walk in, there's three urinals.  Left is occupied, so guy in front of me goes to the right, and I take the middle.  Shortly, guy at left finishes and leaves.  Me and guy to right still standing there.  He starts to fart, and then it takes a turn for the worse, and  I hear a horrible gurgling sound.  I'm trying not to laugh at the dude's predicament. 

Now, the decent thing to do would be zip up, wash up, and leave, saving the guy a little embarrassment.  

That's not what I did.   

I stood there, holding my cock, pretending to piss, until the dude did the sad shuffle into the stall cursing under his breath.  

Kinky

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Flg8rfan

Flg8rfan 201

Posted
Posted

Became a member today while out of town at my kids travel VB tournament (no pics).

We ate lunch. Got to the convention center early so they went in and I took advantage of a quick nap. Made it 30 feet on my way in before it coughed and ruined my shorts. Called the wife en route to the condo for a shower and change of clothes, can’t wait until I’m confident enough to head back there and face the other parents—I have no doubt in my mind she told them why I missed the first two matches.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8,818

Posted
Posted
On 3/9/2019 at 5:49 PM, Flg8rfan said:

Became a member today while out of town at my kids travel VB tournament (no pics).

We ate lunch. Got to the convention center early so they went in and I took advantage of a quick nap. Made it 30 feet on my way in before it coughed and ruined my shorts. Called the wife en route to the condo for a shower and change of clothes, can’t wait until I’m confident enough to head back there and face the other parents—I have no doubt in my mind she told them why I missed the first two matches.

She is a woman...you know she did.

And she told it so well...

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • 4 weeks later...
Jhawk

Jhawk 1,075

Posted
Posted
On 3/8/2019 at 12:06 AM, ulukinatme said:

Wife has been fighting the flu.  She went to pick the kids up today.  While waiting in line for my daughter she let out a cough, and then joined the club.  She was not happy by the time she got home.  I laughed.

Gonna need pics of your wife’s asshole to assess the damage. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • 2 months later...
  • 2 weeks later...
Guadaloopy

Guadaloopy 10,996

Posted
Posted

Sneezed while stepping down out of truck yesterday.  Immediately froze.   Wife was with me and asked what was wrong.  Really no way to save face in that situation.         She gave me a handful of napkins out of the console while laughing uncontrollably.   

  • Like 1
  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Marfa Low Crown

Marfa Low Crown 2,547

Posted
Posted

A Sunday lunch at Kim Phung in Austin once cost me my boxer shorts, my undershirt, and both socks. I made it as far as Pronto mart in Hyde Park and emerged from their bathroom barefooted and humbled 30 minutes later. A few years later I surrendered a pair of underwear to the restroom trash can in Pho Da Loi in Atlanta. Unsure where to turn, this thread is an inspiration to people like myself. 

  • Like 2
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Parliament

Parliament 14,278

Posted
Posted
A Sunday lunch at Kim Phung in Austin once cost me my boxer shorts, my undershirt, and both socks. I made it as far as Pronto mart in Hyde Park and emerged from their bathroom barefooted and humbled 30 minutes later. A few years later I surrendered a pair of underwear to the restroom trash can in Pho Da Loi in Atlanta. Unsure where to turn, this thread is an inspiration to people like myself. 
You may wanna see a doctor.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Marfa Low Crown

Marfa Low Crown 2,547

Posted
Posted
54 minutes ago, Parliament said:

You may wanna see a doctor.

MSG in sufficient quantities, it would seem,  hits me like a high-octane saline laxative that gives a pinch of Copenhagen combined with my morning cup of coffee a serious run for their money. All I have to do is remember it's not a fart, do not fart, do not even think about farting, and waddle to nearest men's room. The results are epic. I swallowed some bubble gum accidentally in 1982 and I'm pretty sure I saw it in the toilet the last time I dined out for Asian. Good times. 

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
Jhawk

Jhawk 1,075

Posted
Posted (edited)

Going to put this here. Went out hard last night. Had some fernet. Banged a girl that smelled like patchouli and self described as “bohemian”. Finished the night off with a spicy chicken sandwich from QT. Got up at 530. Left her house because of heartburn. Shit my pants the second I got in the car. Should have just crapped her bed. Would have made her place smell better. Ditched my briefs, shorts, and an Elvis beach towel on the north end of the Tulsa university campus if anyone want some free clothes. 

Edited by Jhawk
  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing


Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business and Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Subscribe!... Donate!... Advertise... COOKIE MONSTER!

×
×
  • Create New...