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Shart Thread 2019: Year of the Squirt

Prepuce of Doom

By Prepuce of Doom
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Prepuce of Doom

Prepuce of Doom 21074

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5 hours ago, EZ$ said:

Is it a shart if there’s a turd release, but underwear aren’t stained?  Asking for a friend. 

Yes. 

If there's uninvited turd, it's a shart. If there's a detour to the bathroom as a result of your "fart," it's a shart. If you have to clean up afterwards, it's a shart. 

Farts don't involve toilet paper. 

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MissingInAction

MissingInAction 25082

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On 12/23/2019 at 1:06 PM, Mole said:

Checking in. I had a nearly five-year perfect run, but a few days of being sick were too much. The sad thing is that I was about two feet from the toilet when I absentmindedly let out a fart.

I call that the "Brown Zone". The shart erupts when one is most comfortable in an environment they think they are in control of.

Alas... the shart..

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Jhawk

Jhawk 1075

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On 12/4/2019 at 10:04 AM, Fudbelty said:

I seriously question the how on that one. I feel like I know when a turd is on the Hershey Highway waiting for the right of way. It’s when the highway is unknowingly flooded and I chose to not “turn around don’t drown” and I fill the pants.

No he’s legit. Ive done it before. I typically like to blast ass. Not just let out a sbd or squeaker. You reach back and let out a throaty one and, if you’re like me, you get all of it out. Often gulping in more air orally when you hit the 15-20 second mark. Sometimes around the 8-10 second mark when your asshole is at its most agape an “assteroid” will exit orbit. 

Doesn't happen often (once in my many years of 50+ farts a day, but the science is definitely on his side. I however can’t call this accident a shart because sharts are precursor to poop soup. This is just accidentally dropping a shit nugget in your drawers. 

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Jhawk

Jhawk 1075

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On 12/23/2019 at 1:06 PM, Mole said:

Checking in. I had a nearly five-year perfect run, but a few days of being sick were too much. The sad thing is that I was about two feet from the toilet when I absentmindedly let out a fart.

This is why I run into the bathroom in reverse with my pants down. Momentum has won the day many a time. 

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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13253

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13 hours ago, Jhawk said:

No he’s legit. Ive done it before. I typically like to blast ass. Not just let out a sbd or squeaker. You reach back and let out a throaty one and, if you’re like me, you get all of it out. Often gulping in more air orally when you hit the 15-20 second mark. Sometimes around the 8-10 second mark when your asshole is at its most agape an “assteroid” will exit orbit. 

Doesn't happen often (once in my many years of 50+ farts a day, but the science is definitely on his side. I however can’t call this accident a shart because sharts are precursor to poop soup. This is just accidentally dropping a shit nugget in your drawers. 

Maybe you should see a doctor?

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Horns1

Horns1 41

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Been kinda sick the last couple weeks, lots of nose blowing and coughing. Worked a half day Christmas Eve, and kinda felt like I needed to sit on the throne before leaving the office, but we just finished locking up and were ready to leave, so decided to tough it out till I got home.. Then while driving, I remembered I still had to get some booze for BIL’s present as well as some eggnog the wife wanted, so stopped at Twin Liquor real quick. Got out of truck, walking into the store and a sudden major cough erupts. Let’s just say that’s not the only thing that erupted the moment I coughed. Damn near made it the whole year dammit. Still got what I needed at Twin though. 

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Bozo_Casanova

Bozo_Casanova 26472

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Been kinda sick the last couple weeks, lots of nose blowing and coughing. Worked a half day Christmas Eve, and kinda felt like I needed to sit on the throne before leaving the office, but we just finished locking up and were ready to leave, so decided to tough it out till I got home.. Then while driving, I remembered I still had to get some booze for BIL’s present as well as some eggnog the wife wanted, so stopped at Twin Liquor real quick. Got out of truck, walking into the store and a sudden major cough erupts. Let’s just say that’s not the only thing that erupted the moment I coughed. Damn near made it the whole year dammit. Still got what I needed at Twin though. 

I wonder how many times a day someone with shit in their pants makes a purchase at a typical Twin Liquors location?
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TwiceHorn

TwiceHorn 31483

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I am battling a cold and it seems that the various cold meds, particularly Robitussin DM, make things a bit loose in the caboose.  I felt something brewing and started heading for the throne.

I was either a daredevil or something just escaped en route and it was hot in the way only liquid can be.  After expelling some liquid and solid matter, I investigated my underpants and legs and could find no evidence of shartage.

Very confusing.

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Armybrat

Armybrat 40850

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2 hours ago, StruggleBus said:

Was riding the elevator up to my office this morning and boom, it hit me. A force so powerful I could barely contain it. Had to do a full sprint to the bathroom once I reached my floor to limit the carnage. 2019 was very close to being a squeaky clean year, but shit prevailed in the final hours. 

Username checks out

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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13253

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4 hours ago, hookemATL said:

Daughter was sitting on her brand new stuffed unicorn she got for Xmas right before bed. She farts, goes “oh no”, stands up and the unicorn has a nice brown mane. Ah the joys of parenting. 

A version of that story is going to be told on this site in about 15 years.

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