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Bride to be has a fart caught sideways. Must celebrate...

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Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, SquishMitten said:

You’re upset that your wife wants to go watch her future DIL try on wedding dresses? I think that’s pretty common.

Not upset.  It just seems trivial to me to fly from H-town to Jersey for that.

If we didn’t have shit else going on, I probably wouldn’t have even raised an eyebrow... 

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Okie State

Okie State 3847

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Posted
Yeah, well our conversation started out about a week after the engagement, " Dad let's sit down and talk about how much everything is going to cost>"
My only text in the conversation was, " There will be no sitting down.  The amount we can afford is a fixed amount and you will work from there.  If you want more you will cover it.  There will be no open checkbook nor negotiations for more."
Keep in mind, both of them have great jobs and zero debt. If they want it over the top, it will not be sinking either set of parents.
I just wrote this down for future reference.
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Telegraph_it

Telegraph_it 3359

Posted
Posted
On 1/13/2019 at 9:26 PM, RollLeft said:

Father in law offered to cut us a check for the same amount of the dream wedding his daughter wanted if we simply eloped.  She passed on the offer. 

My wife did the same. I sometimes like to take the amount and imagine how much money I would have if I invested it all in AMZN. It's a lot. 

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17 minutes ago, futureman said:

did anyone explain the thread title yet

Bride-to-be has fart caught sideways. ( therefore we) must celebrate( see also:  spend a shit-ton more money than necessary.)

Capiche?

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Posted (edited)
7 minutes ago, futureman said:

explain this

has experienced something very trivial, but alas! now it is a big to-do...

 

Society evidently says it is improtant to party when they bring the dress home( shopping!)

 

I don't fucking get it but whatever.  I don't celebrate buying the beer.  i celebrate drinking it.

 

CSB- growing up, I spent a lot of time at my grandparents.  My grandmother spent a lot of time every day on the phone gossiping with her friends.  All fucking day.  Anyhoo, my grandfather was extremely private about his health and well being and HATED people making any fuss about it.  He had developed a kidney infection and my grandmother spent all day telling everyone about it. He walks around the corner, after having heard her tell yet another one of their friends about his condition, " Goddammit, ( her name,)  I can't get a fart caught sideways without the whole world knowing about it.  Hang the phone up for once."

 

I was about 14-15 and had to walk around the corner to keep from busting out laughing.  It was so perfect.  Anyway, the phrase stuck with me as a way to describe something trivial.

Edited by slorch
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futureman

futureman 22544

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, slorch said:

has experienced something very trivial, but als! now it is a big to-do...

 

Society evidently says it is improtant to party when they bring the dress home( shopping!)

 

I don't fucking get it but whatever.  I don't celebrate buying the beer.  i celebrate drinking it.

what does any of this have to do with lou gehrig’s disease?

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futureman

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Posted
Posted
16 minutes ago, Buffsoldier said:

Selfish people who don't give a shit about other people's football watching schedules, and the limp wristed weaklings who put a ring on the first one's finger.

but she was my soul mate and I’d never meet anyone as good ever again in my whole entire life.  who cares if we were only 17. 

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22 minutes ago, SDG said:

Who the f gets married in November?  

There will be some active duty military folks involved.  Three day weekend for Veteran's Day is a great weekend for everyone to be able to get there.

My protests for football season were stricken almost immediately.  LOlz.

Of all the battles to be had in this campaign, the November piece was pretty fucking meaningless.

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Johnny Sack

Johnny Sack 8397

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5 minutes ago, slorch said:

There will be some active duty military folks involved.  Three day weekend for Veteran's Day is a great weekend for everyone to be able to get there.

My protests for football season were stricken almost immediately.  LOlz.

Of all the battles to be had in this campaign, the November piece was pretty fucking meaningless.

And Tech is your team.  So games mod November on aren’t all that relevant.  

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Posted (edited)
3 minutes ago, Johnny Sack said:

And Tech is your team.  So games mod November on aren’t all that relevant.  

The drinking will be very sincere though...

Edited by slorch
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Walden Ponderer

Walden Ponderer 12639

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Posted

Well, now this is interesting:

fatz4.jpg

 

Why Your Farts Sometimes Roll Up Into Your Labia, According To Science

Quote

As women, there are questions that we’re sometimes too embarrassed to ask. Some women get more easily embarrassed than others, and are okay with leaving certain questions unanswered. Others are more willing to ask some of the harder questions, but there is a line of propriety they often don’t cross. One question I’ve never heard anyone ask is one of the funnier ones: why do some of our farts travel through our labias into our vaginas?This might sound like something crazy, but I can promise you that every woman has dealt with this. If a woman insists this has never happened to her, she’s probably lying. These are the farts that start out normally, but depending on your positioning, they go in a different direction and land right around your labia. They might even settle inside your vagina. They’re awkward enough that most people will totally refuse to talk about them. However, it’s important to talk about how our bodies work, even if it’s a little embarrassing. Here’s the reason why some of our farts travel from our back doors and settle right around our labia.

 

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55 minutes ago, futureman said:

I’ve still yet to have someone explain to me what it means to “have a fart caught sideways.”

They don't get caught sideways.  That's the whole fucking point, brah.

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formermav43

formermav43 4606

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, futureman said:

I still don’t know what that means. 

I, too, had never heard this phrase before. Which is why I found it helpful to read the explanation given in response to the first time you asked the question.

7 hours ago, slorch said:

CSB- growing up, I spent a lot of time at my grandparents.  My grandmother spent a lot of time every day on the phone gossiping with her friends.  All fucking day.  Anyhoo, my grandfather was extremely private about his health and well being and HATED people making any fuss about it.  He had developed a kidney infection and my grandmother spent all day telling everyone about it. He walks around the corner, after having heard her tell yet another one of their friends about his condition, " Goddammit, ( her name,)  I can't get a fart caught sideways without the whole world knowing about it.  Hang the phone up for once."

 

I was about 14-15 and had to walk around the corner to keep from busting out laughing.  It was so perfect.  Anyway, the phrase stuck with me as a way to describe something trivial.

 

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Mole

Mole 4333

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Posted
5 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Can’t believe what some of y’all spent on booze. I bought all my own booze and got married on my parents property.

Still should have eloped and saved the money.

We bought a bunch of boxed wine. Everyone got as drunk as they wanted to and had a great time. It’s a party, not a high class affair.

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futureman

futureman 22544

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Posted
5 hours ago, formermav43 said:

I, too, had never heard this phrase before. Which is why I found it helpful to read the explanation given in response to the first time you asked the question.

I quoted his incoherent response after he made it.  he then added the rest in an edit that I didn’t see.  whatever.  

that said, while it was a funny story, still doesn’t explain the phrase.

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ulukinatme

ulukinatme 1765

Posted
Posted
29 minutes ago, futureman said:

I quoted his incoherent response after he made it.  he then added the rest in an edit that I didn’t see.  whatever.  

that said, while it was a funny story, still doesn’t explain the phrase.

Your problem with reading comprehension is not like a fart caught sideways.

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High Plains Drifter

High Plains Drifter 11052

Posted
Posted
On 1/12/2019 at 5:02 PM, slorch said:

This.

 

we are on board with supporting more than just the dinner.

 

i will say when our son suggested we pop for ALL of the alcohol I had to catch my breath.

 

15-20 from our family and then over 100 Catholic Italians from Jersey.

 

Marriage booze into bankruptcy?  LOL.

 

Can't they just find some booze that fell off a truck or something?

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irishtexan

irishtexan 11522

Posted
Posted
On 1/14/2019 at 4:12 PM, slorch said:

Not upset.  It just seems trivial to me to fly from H-town to Jersey for that.

If we didn’t have shit else going on, I probably wouldn’t have even raised an eyebrow... 

That is ridiculous. 

Re: the booze discussion, the wedding planner we paid $800 to do absolutely nothing said that we should plan on 2.5 drinks per person. I audibly laughed at her. 

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futureman

futureman 22544

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5 minutes ago, irishtexan said:

That is ridiculous. 

Re: the booze discussion, the wedding planner we paid $800 to do absolutely nothing said that we should plan on 2.5 drinks per person. I audibly laughed at her. 

you paid your wedding planner eight hundred bucks?  were you married at arby’s?

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SKJ

SKJ 1311

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Posted

I've been to a few weddings for people of that type (the envelope in the pillowcase type...) 

I eloped. Wife still kinda wishes she had a big wedding, but I think only in a wistful way.

That being said, my daughter won't be getting married, so that's ok.

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El Tri

El Tri 412

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Posted
On 1/12/2019 at 4:58 PM, Revolution512 said:

Because sticking the brides dad with the bill is the dumbest tradition ever. 

exactly. as a father of two girls, i'll be damned if i'm footing the bill for a wedding. Sure, i'll contribute, but if the guy wants to marry her he better save up

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sidis

sidis 9832

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Posted
On 1/14/2019 at 11:16 AM, RDCanecutter said:

I went to one of those weddings.

For a non-New Jerseyan, the most interesting things were how instead of all the chicks being fried-blond, they instead had dumped ink pots in their hair for the Vampirella effect. Extra status points for doing it up in some Lucrezia Borgia interwoven brain-helmet. The middle-aged ones were showing the effects of youthful nose jobs-- nose chopped off, but nostrils kept growing.. Every one of them was angry at another one for reasons that date back to Romulus and Remus.

The bride was really vivacious. Months later the groom realized she was supposed to be on meds, but had decided to skip them for a year.

After they broke up, she went through a string of local swains, and produced some mono-browed offspring.

Congratulations! 

everytime you post, i am reminded that you are our most underrated poster.

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Walden Ponderer

Walden Ponderer 12639

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Posted
10 minutes ago, Johnny Sack said:

I would suspect the average gay male marriage is a hell of a lot different than the average lesbian one. 

Having been to multiple relatively average exemplars of both, I have to say, most gay males, and most lesbians, are just like most other people: fundamentally boring, with occasional flashes of humor that make them worth knowing.

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