Saying Yessir and Yes Mam

[LCHorn 2632]

So the wife and I are on opposite sides on the appropriateness of this-she feels like the terms are antiquated and “kind of country, poor folks” and don’t want our children raised to default to them with elders, bosses, etc.

 

I’m on the other side, but I grew up in the country around folks who worked with their hands and served in the military, where deferential salutations aren’t just customary but are requirement.  I further think proper etiquette, regardless of class,  is to address clear superiors with a polite “mam” or “sir”.  

 

What say the board?  She claims if we take a Facebook poll the vote would overwhelmingly go in her favor, but her friend group is largely comprised of upwardly-mobile college educated urbanites and that’s probably a population least likely to agree with me on this.

[iamthepush 72]

So the wife and I are on opposite sides on the appropriateness of this-she feels like the terms are antiquated and “kind of country, poor folks” and don’t want our children raised to default to them with elders, bosses, etc.
 
I’m on the other side, but I grew up in the country around folks who worked with their hands and served in the military, where deferential salutations aren’t just customary but are requirement.  I further think proper etiquette, regardless of class,  is to address clear superiors with a polite “mam” or “sir”.  
 
What say the board?  She claims if we take a Facebook poll the vote would overwhelmingly go in her favor, but her friend group is largely comprised of upwardly-mobile college educated urbanites and that’s probably a population least likely to agree with me on this.

With all due respect, your wife is a moran

[Soldierhorn 206]

Is the wife a keeper?

[bluto 4942]

Ahem, it's ma'am... as in madam. You shoeless hillbilly rube, and as a 30 something childless guy raised in the burbs your wife is wrong

[Wally Fairway 5587]

Pictures of your wife would help us decide ...... just saying (took 4 posts to get to it, surly is slipping)

In all honesty it is more of a southern thing. Growing up in the Midwest, older neighbors, bosses, teachers, etc were Mr or Mrs Smith/Jones/Kowolski but not sir  or maam

[UTPhil2006 3816]

She's wrong.

And it's a matter of respect, something today's youth could greatly learn to use.

[Sandman 3414]

7 minutes ago, Wally Fairway said:

Pictures of your wife would help us decide ...... just saying (took 4 posts to get to it, surly is slipping)

In all honesty it is more of a southern thing. Growing up in the Midwest, older neighbors, bosses, teachers, etc were Mr or Mrs Smith/Jones/Kowolski but not sir  or maam

My parents were from the Midwest (Indiana & Iowa) and I was raised to say Sir & Ma'am. 

[Post Oak 20277]

21 minutes ago, LCHorn said:

So the wife and I are on opposite sides on the appropriateness of this-she feels like the terms are antiquated and “kind of country, poor folks” and don’t want our children raised to default to them with elders, bosses, etc.

 

I’m on the other side, but I grew up in the country around folks who worked with their hands and served in the military, where deferential salutations aren’t just customary but are requirement.  I further think proper etiquette, regardless of class,  is to address clear superiors with a polite “mam” or “sir”.  

 

What say the board?  She claims if we take a Facebook poll the vote would overwhelmingly go in her favor, but her friend group is largely comprised of upwardly-mobile college educated urbanites and that’s probably a population least likely to agree with me on this.

We are the same. Country boy and a city girl.  She even took a FB poll.  Told her I don't care. These kids are Texans and I think it's appropriate.

She's a euro and our compromise is they say yes sir no sir to everyone but her parents and family.

I get yes sir she gets yes mamma

Sometimes they say yes please and no thank you which is perfectly fine with me or yes mommy yes daddy.  I can live with that.

Yeahs are a no go.

 

Times are changing. I just want them to be polite and respectful.  If not they'll have a problem.  

I decided this isn't something that I'm too terribly picky about as long as they're trying.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21926]

25 minutes ago, LCHorn said:

What say the board?  She claims if we take a Facebook poll the vote would overwhelmingly go in her favor, but her friend group is largely comprised of upwardly-mobile college educated urbanites and that’s probably a population least likely to agree with me on this.

This statement proves that she is wrong.

[crash_davis 23115]

it's a sign of respect for your elders which is something that is severely lacking in today's world.  

[Texas St. Armadillos 1381]

Yes, sir.  Yes, ma'am. No, sir.  No, ma'am.  Please.  Thank you.  You're welcome.

7 easy phrases that I know with certainty have led me to have a more successful career that I would have with not using them.

 

That's all you really need to know.

[D_Goose 489]

 

[RDCanecutter 26474]

30 minutes ago, Post Oak said:

She's a euro and our compromise is they say yes sir no sir to everyone but her parents and family.

What brand of euro? Also, pics.

I axe because some o' them euros have all kind of intricate formalities that make a simple yes sir/ no ma'am seem like farting at the table.

[52-80 19258]

Yes, my sovereign

[Huckleberry 33100]

Your wife sounds like an asshole. Does she post here?

 

I mean seriously, she'd rather her kids not use terms of respect if doing so might make them seem poor. That's pretty messed up.

[RDCanecutter 26474]

1 hour ago, LCHorn said:

What say the board?  She claims if we take a Facebook poll the vote would overwhelmingly go in her favor, but her friend group is largely comprised of upwardly-mobile college educated urbanites and that’s probably a population least likely to agree with me on this.

Try this out: have the kids say Yessir/Yesma'am, but get them to do it with uptalk, vocal fry, and while flicking fingers over the phone. See how that goes over with the worldly sophisticates.

[The Original CaliHorn 68]

In the mid-80’s I was on my third stop with my first employer and transferred to Sacramento, CA, I was in an operations role at the time and received a phone from a customer in the Bay Area requesting information on some backorders. The individual was a woman and after telling her status and ETA, she asks if the order will be delivered in her timeframe. I respond “yes ma’am”. For approximately three seconds of silence, she reply’s “Ma’am!!! Are you insinuating that I’m a elderly woman?” Mind you, my parents were Yankees and I was raised in Texas since the age of 16 months. Both hammered into me this sign of respect regardless of age when communicating with adults. I immediately informed her that I was raised in the South and this comment was a sign of respect. She immediately demanded my immediate supervisors name and phone. Twenty minutes later, I receive a phone call from him and he stated to me “what a fucking new world liberated cunt.” 

[RDCanecutter 26474]

24 minutes ago, The Original CaliHorn said:

In the mid-80’s

Well, she probably is elderly now. You were just a visionary.

[DanRydell 799]

What have today's elders done exactly that merits respect? 

[Huckleberry 33100]

What had yesterday's done?

[Helobious 9465]

I got pretty sick of being corrected when I said "Yes sir" or "no ma'm" ("don't call me that it makes me feel old!"). So now I respond with a simple "yes" or "no". Way more respectful than "yeah" or "nah" and not as divisive or rigid as the sirs/mams are. 

"Thank you" and "you're welcome" don't belong in this thread. I've never heard of any controversy around those and you're a shitty person if you don't use those terms. 

[Yarbr 123]

2 hours ago, UTPhil2006 said:

She's wrong.

And it's a matter of respect, something today's youth could greatly learn to use.

Maybe the setting favors my arguement, but the interns I've dealt with, construction so they are male, have been pretty damn polite. College age guys. When a young college age chick calls me sir it just make me sad.

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

3 hours ago, LCHorn said:

So the wife and I are on opposite sides on the appropriateness of this-she feels like the terms are antiquated and “kind of country, poor folks” and don’t want our children raised to default to them with elders, bosses, etc.

 

I’m on the other side, but I grew up in the country around folks who worked with their hands and served in the military, where deferential salutations aren’t just customary but are requirement.  I further think proper etiquette, regardless of class,  is to address clear superiors with a polite “mam” or “sir”.  

 

What say the board?  She claims if we take a Facebook poll the vote would overwhelmingly go in her favor, but her friend group is largely comprised of upwardly-mobile college educated urbanites and that’s probably a population least likely to agree with me on this.

GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKING PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO MOTHER FUCKING MANNERS.  OF COURSE IT'S YES MAAM AND YES SIR.  WHAT, WAS SHE RAISED IN A MOTHER FUCKING BARN WITHOUT DOORS ??!!  IS SHE A GOD DAMNED COMMUNIST ???!!!  At least that's how I feel about the whole thing.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21926]

When a young college age chick calls me sir it just make me sad.

Yeah, especially when they do it while you’re nutting in them

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

1 minute ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

 

Yeah, especially when they do it while you’re nutting in them

 

 

[Jerry Callo 8731]

I bet she wants them to keep their hats on indoors, too.

[Jerry Callo 8731]

I'm in my late 40s and I say yes sir and ma'am all of the time. Not just to the olds, either. It's called being polite. It's a form of showing respect for people, regardless of they are the owner of a company or the receptionist.

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

2 minutes ago, Jerry Callo said:

I'm in my late 40s and I say yes sir and ma'am all of the time. Not just to the olds, either. It's called being polite. It's a form of showing respect for people, regardless of they are the owner of a company or the receptionist.

I do the same.  Just a polite gesture to offer respect for folks. 

[gmr548 16617]

3 hours ago, Huckleberry said:

Your wife sounds like an asshole. Does she post here?

 

I mean seriously, she'd rather her kids not use terms of respect if doing so might make them seem poor. That's pretty messed up.

This. It isn't that those terms are absolutely necessary or meaningful on their own. If your kids know how to act and treat others with respect and kindness, no one will remember whether or not they said "yes sir" or "no ma'am," just that they carried themselves impressively, which is the endgame. That your wife seems to be against that general ethos is weird.

[Llano Estacado 1257]

Your wife sounds like an asshole.

No, sir. Should be:

“(With all due respect) your wife sounds like an asshole,sir”

[Knoxtnhorn 6066]

Kind of interesting because I, admittedly, didn't know much about hat etiquette.  I wear hats inside all the time with few exceptions.  I was never really taught that it's rude unless it's an obvious thing like a church, fancy restaurant, office building, etc...

I say "sir" and "ma'am" all the time - even to those that are much younger than me.  Picked it up from my grandfather.  Always thought it was weird when he - 60 years old - would say sir or ma'am to a 25 year-old.  Whatevs.  He was a true cowboy and war hero so if it was cool with him, it's cool with me.  I don't give two fucks what millenials or the dumbass pc culture says about it today.  It's a sign of respect.

[Nivek 16987]

My wife says “no sir” and “no ma’am” to our kids when they do something she doesn’t approve of. I explained to her she is teaching the kids to associate the titles with negativity. She stopped for about 3 weeks.

I don’t give a shit. Olds are mostly cunts anyways. I use it where appropriate and to whom I deem deserving.

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

7 minutes ago, Nivek said:

I don’t give a shit. Olds are mostly cunts anyways. I use it where appropriate and to whom I deem deserving.
 

Yeah cause the young's are all a great group of manner filled folks who don't even know to remove their fucking hat indoors or say yes sir or yes ma'am to their elders.....who are typically more polite than the average 20 somethings out there today.  Course your results may vary.  Coming from a guy in his mid 50's who tries to treat everyone the same whenever possible.

[HOOKEM4 5044]

 

[Nice Guy Eddie 13523]

For strangers or customers, it's good manners to call someone ma'am or sir.  But in the workplace with co-workers I think it's silly.  Everyone is equal.   

CSB alert.  I worked at BP when the CEO was a Lord in the UK.  Apparently everyone had to refer (your Lordship, Lord, etc) to him when speaking to him.  Not that I normally spoke to the CEO but I would have had a hard time calling a co-worker Lord.   But he later got fired after giving company funds to his male prostitute.  but that's another story.

Edited January 16, 2019 by Nice Guy Eddie

[Jiggy-Z 3437]

Using "sir" or "ma'am" is a sign of deference or humbling yourself to let the person you are addressing know that  they are at least on equal footing with you if not more.

In the case of a child addressing an adult, it is understood(at least by the adult) that the child does not have the same status as an adult.  It is not necessary for a child or youth to use "sir" or "ma'am" as long as they provide some other means of their understanding of the pecking order, as it were.  For some of the smarter kids that may mean just carrying on a civil conversation just as an adult would.  For others, they can give cues like eye contact, nodding, positive body language or the like to inform the adult that they have their respect.

Demanding that a child use "sir" or "ma'am" in every case can be limiting in that it retards true interaction and can lead to some resentment on the part of a child along with diluting of the terms with overuse.

I have been around kids that overused these terms and while it is nice to hear and cute at first, after awhile it loses its effect and I find that any true respect is lacking as is their understanding of the relationship.

I have also encountered adults who use the terms far too often to the point of annoyance, not because it makes me feel old, but because it lacks variety and it makes me feel like they are trying to sell me something.

So the important thing is not the actual words but the actual respect which can be offered in any number of ways as long as the adult/superior has an open mind.  "Sir" and "ma'am" should be part of an overall vocabulary of of respect, drawn on when the occasion demands it or for contrast, rather than a default one size fits all salutation, which is just lazy and limiting. 

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

4 minutes ago, Jiggy-Z said:

Using "sir" or "ma'am" is a sign of deference or humbling yourself to let the person you are addressing know that  they are at least on equal footing with you if not more.

In the case of a child addressing an adult, it is understood(at least by the adult) that the child does not have the same status as an adult.  It is not necessary for a child or youth to use "sir" or "ma'am" as long as they provide some other means of their understanding of the pecking order, as it were.  For some of the smarter kids that may mean just carrying on a civil conversation just as an adult would.  For others, they can give cues like eye contact, nodding, positive body language or the like to inform the adult that they have their respect.

Demanding that a child use "sir" or "ma'am" in every case can be limiting in that it retards true interaction and can lead to some resentment on the part of a child along with diluting of the terms with overuse.

I have been around kids that overused these terms and while it is nice to hear and cute at first, after awhile it loses its effect and I find that any true respect is lacking as is their understanding of the relationship.

I have also encountered adults who use the terms far too often to the point of annoyance, not because it makes me feel old, but because it lacks variety and it makes me feel like they are trying to sell me something.

So the important thing is not the actual words but the actual respect which can be offered in any number of ways as long as the adult/superior has an open mind.  "Sir" and "ma'am" should be part of an overall vocabulary of of respect, drawn on when the occasion demands it or for contrast, rather than a default one size fits all salutation, which is just lazy and limiting. 

Yeah, it's situational for sure.

[RDCanecutter 26474]

We haven't even addressed the usefullness of Sir and Ma'am for maintaining formal distance when dealing with a complete idiot (eg: any member of the American public.)

Sir, please take the diaper off your head, and put it back on your sister. Thank you, sir.

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

1 minute ago, RDCanecutter said:

We haven't even addressed the usefullness of Sir and Ma'am for maintaining formal distance when dealing with a complete idiot (eg: any member of the American public.)

Sir, please take the diaper off your head, and put it back on your sister. Thank you, sir.

Oh yeah, the smarmy retort is always a good usage for sir and ma'am.  A bless yer heart kind of comment..

Edited January 16, 2019 by Onboard 2.0

[RDCanecutter 26474]

And then there's the cop-handling "sir". Being able to drop it fluently kept my druggie roommates out of jail. Hell, I got a pass on a frisbee full of pot by using "sir". Dude made us dump it out, but still.

[RDCanecutter 26474]

Just now, Onboard 2.0 said:

Oh yeah, the smarmy retort is always a good usage for sir and ma'am.  A bless yer heart kind of comment..

I was thinking more the cold icy distance use, as in, I am being polite in such a way that lets you know not to fuck with me. Like the way a French cop uses "vous".

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

3 minutes ago, RDCanecutter said:

I was thinking more the cold icy distance use, as in, I am being polite in such a way that lets you know not to fuck with me. Like the way a French cop uses "vous".

Oh it's got several variants. Your definition sounds like the way a cop would use it.... are you as cop ....... sir ??!! 

Edited January 16, 2019 by Onboard 2.0

[RDCanecutter 26474]

Just now, Onboard 2.0 said:

Oh it's got several variants. Your definition sounds like the way a cop would use it.... are you as cop ??!!

Please define "cop"...

 

...sir.

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

Just now, RDCanecutter said:

Please define "cop"...

 

...sir.

Oinker, pig, jack boot, army reject, Bobby......

[RDCanecutter 26474]

1 minute ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

Oinker, pig, jack boot, army reject, Bobby......

Not those kinds, as the living dogs in my vicinity bear witness.

[iamthepush 72]

FSB/ Back in college my roommate and I were at Golden corral next in line to pay, this white trash hill billy kid walks up to cashier holding his receipt and says, in an English fucking accent, "Sir? Sir!, You charge us for 2 kids meals, and I am clearly one boy!"

[Bernard 879]

18 hours ago, LCHorn said:

the terms are antiquated and “kind of country, poor folks” and don’t want our children raised to default to them with elders, bosses, etc.

Your wife is right. No sure about the "poor" part, but definitely country/redneck/unsophisticated.

I guess I'm in the minority here. I wasn't raised to say it. Would never encourage a kid to say it. Sounds silly to me. 

Bernard

[immamac 43112]

If you look in the dictionary for modern north american uses of "ma'am" it is defined as an archaic term. 

I can't think of the last time I said "sir" or "ma'am/madam", requiring children to say it is probably not the right thing to do, but teaching them about why respect and tone are important when speaking to those on equal or greater footing than yourself is pretty important.

[El Diablo 4232]

I use both terms daily and taught my kid to use them as well. I figure failure to use them falls into the category of the hidden costs of unquality. 

[Spur08 382]

And then there's the cop-handling "sir". Being able to drop it fluently kept my druggie roommates out of jail. Hell, I got a pass on a frisbee full of pot by using "sir". Dude made us dump it out, but still.

So, did you just pick it up off the ground after he left?