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Tom Brady Is UnFucking Real

Vic Mackey

By Vic Mackey
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Brady is the best in the history of the game but walks around the locker room like he's a water boy. Stories and stories are documented him in Julys past of him going around to free agents introd

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Burt

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3 hours ago, billfromlaketravis said:

Bert Kreischer bombed. Unexpected. Segura sucks so that was expected. 

You do know Tom is normally the funny one and Bert is the one who just stands there shirtless and "uncontrollably" laughs at his own shit, right?

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Hook1997

Hook1997 5292

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16 minutes ago, Burt said:

You do know Tom is normally the funny one and Bert is the one who just stands there shirtless and "uncontrollably" laughs at his own shit, right?

Uhh. Tom’s standup in not near as funny to me as Bert’s, yea it different styles and Bert tells stories kinda instead of jokes but I’ve seen both live and Bert had more laughs live by far.  It’s not 5 years ago there’s a bit more to his show than he’s shirtless now.  His laugh on the podcast is annoying AF but without Bert a Tom solo podcast is put you to sleep material.   They work good together.  

Edited by Hook1997
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billfromlaketravis

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Glaser killed. Holy shit what a great set. 

Hart was routinely funny. 
 

The roast is 3 hours without commercials. Just way too long. I would recommend fast forwarding through all of the teammates’ segments except for Edelman. Most of it was some NFL Honors corny bullshit mixed with dick jokes that the writers wrote for them. Gronk and Belichick were both disappointing. 
 

I guess Rich Eisen has to be careful because he’s still employed by the NFL, but I think he would have been better than many of the roasters. 
 

I’m glad Boston fanboy Bill Simmons either wasn’t there or wasn’t invited. I never saw him on camera. But this won’t stop him from spending 12 hours breaking down the roast on his podcast. 

Edited by billfromlaketravis
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Dennis Taylor

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The skit with Bert and Tom was poorly written and the execution was even worse. Sam Jay was not good either. Edelman was the only player that I recall was any good. Tony Hinchcliffe was good as was Nikki. Tom' s confession (?) about deflategate was pretty funny too.

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Not a cat

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5 hours ago, PittsburghTiger said:

 

I noticed that too and thought 1) that seems mild compared to the 75 jokes about his wife fucking her BJJ instructor, and 2) it's a fucking roast, Bob Kraft is there, what did you think might happen?

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HOOKEM4

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15 hours ago, Hook1997 said:

Uhh. Tom’s standup in not near as funny to me as Bert’s, yea it different styles and Bert tells stories kinda instead of jokes but I’ve seen both live and Bert had more laughs live by far.  It’s not 5 years ago there’s a bit more to his show than he’s shirtless now.  His laugh on the podcast is annoying AF but without Bert a Tom solo podcast is put you to sleep material.   They work good together.  

I feel the opposite. I skip 2 bears because it is just Bert talking over Tom constantly. He is the most sober drunk I have ever heard of. 100%!!11!!!1! The most annoying person on any podcast. His stand up is great but I like how dark Tom can be. YMH is the best, just like hotsauce.

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CurlyDumps

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3 hours ago, Not a cat said:

I noticed that too and thought 1) that seems mild compared to the 75 jokes about his wife fucking her BJJ instructor, and 2) it's a fucking roast, Bob Kraft is there, what did you think might happen?

Eh, we're talking divorce vs. getting caught up in a sex trafficking sting while visiting an Asian massage parlor. I disagree about the joke being comparitively mild. Divorce is  light fare compared to the national embarrasment Kraft endured. Plus Brady and Kraft are super tight. Dunno what Brady's relationship with Giselle is like now. I'm guessing pretty icy.

I agree the joke was absolutely fair game, but I can see why that stray Kraft caught bothered him more than any Giselle joke.

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6 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

Nikki Glaser fucking kiled it.

I would love to do dirty things to her.

She looked a lot better last night. Not sure exactly what it was. Nose job? Some face work?  Something as simple as just better makeup??

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Hook1997

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1 hour ago, CurlyDumps said:

 

Eh, we're talking divorce vs. getting caught up in a sex trafficking sting while visiting an Asian massage parlor. I disagree about the joke being comparitively mild. Divorce is  light fare compared to the national embarrasment Kraft endured. Plus Brady and Kraft are super tight. Dunno what Brady's relationship with Giselle is like now. I'm guessing pretty icy.

I agree the joke was absolutely fair game, but I can see why that stray Kraft caught bothered him more than any Giselle joke.

I think it’s because he knows Kraft is nearing the end so he’s sensitive about it.  He has definitely slowed down from the last time I saw him.  

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TexArcher

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21 hours ago, Hook1997 said:

Tom’s standup in not near as funny to me as Bert’s, yea it different styles and Bert tells stories kinda instead of jokes but I’ve seen both live and Bert had more laughs live by far.

Tom Segura's worst special is multiple levels better than Bert Kreischer's best.  The only reason they've ever been mentioned in the same breath is because Tom has carried his buddy to some paydays.

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Hook1997

Hook1997 5292

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18 minutes ago, TexArcher said:

Tom Segura's worst special is multiple levels better than Bert Kreischer's best.  The only reason they've ever been mentioned in the same breath is because Tom has carried his buddy to some paydays.

🤷🏻‍♂️ Tom is funny but I don’t get all of his standup as being that great.   Is he really carrying Bert when Bert he has been one of the top earning comics for the last three or four years?  Might not be your thing but Tom is no where close to carrying Burt now. To me his standup stands for itself and he sells out everywhere in the world now, not just here. Their net worth is about the same now with Tom trending upward.  He also was the only person to take comedy on the road during Covid with drive in shows and has brought up many comedians, he smarter then he looks or acts lol.  

Edited by Hook1997
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ztejas

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29 minutes ago, Goredho said:

I'd glaze Nikki Glaser's donut.

Nikki Glaser is fucking gross. 

16 minutes ago, TexArcher said:

Tom Segura's worst special is multiple levels better than Bert Kreischer's best.  The only reason they've ever been mentioned in the same breath is because Tom has carried his buddy to some paydays.

Nah. Bert is very good. His stories about dealing with his kids are pretty damn funny.

 

I probably like Tom better but I think Bert is a plenty talented comedian.

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CurlyDumps

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1 hour ago, Hook1997 said:

I think it’s because he knows Kraft is nearing the end so he’s sensitive about it.  He has definitely slowed down from the last time I saw him.  

Yeah. I actually hadn't seen Kraft's speech yet. Finishing the show now and just gotbto it. Was a bit tough to watch.

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Hook1997

Hook1997 5292

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9 minutes ago, ztejas said:

Nikki Glaser is fucking gross. 

Nah. Bert is very good. His stories about dealing with his kids are pretty damn funny.

 

I probably like Tom better but I think Bert is a plenty talented comedian.

Man that is early Bert shit I’ve never even seen before. lol.  The stories got better as they got older.  I do think about how the daughter at college now handles things., with a famous dad that talked about you.  The younger one may be screwed for life on getting a real serious job but she’s got daddy’s money to fall back on and he probably won’t care to share with her.  But got damn she sounds dumb AF. lol  

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Burt

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2 hours ago, Hook1997 said:

🤷🏻‍♂️ Tom is funny but I don’t get all of his standup as being that great.   Is he really carrying Bert when Bert he has been one of the top earning comics for the last three or four years?  

So was Dane Cook at one time.

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PilotsError

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52 minutes ago, Texzilla588 said:

Jeff Ross is the last king of these roasts. My favorite line from some cc roast: “I wouldn’t fuck him with Bea Arthur’s dick!”


I wouldn’t fuck Andy Dicks pussy with Bea Arthur’s dick. 

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