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This is one time where television really fails to capture the true excitement


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Posted

This is pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat. What a hype. Groundhog Day used to mean something in this town. They used to pull the hog out, and they used to eat it. You're hypocrites, all of you!"

Posted

You want a prediction about the weather, you're asking the wrong Phil. I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life.

Posted

I was in the Virgin Islands once. I met a girl. We ate lobster, drank piña coladas. At sunset, we made love like sea otters.  *That* was a pretty good day. Why couldn't I get *that* day over, and over, and over...

  • Like 4
Posted

A gust of wind.

A dog barks.

Cue the truck.

Exit Herman; walk out into the bank.

Exit Felix, and stand there with a not-so-bright look on your face.

All right, Doris, come on. Hey, fix your bra, honey... That's better.

  • Like 1
Posted

Come on.  All the long distance lines are down?  What about satellite?  Is it snowing in space?  Don't you keep open a line for emergencies or for celebrities?  I'm both, I'm a celebrity in an emergency.  Hello?

  • Like 1

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