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The office shitter

Gil Bang

By Gil Bang
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'stache

'stache 21816

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They revamped our office wifi and while it works better everywhere else it disconnects in the shitter.  Luckily ATT LTE still works so I just have to remember to disconnect from wifi. I get here early and the morning dump when cleaner is still in the bowl is the best. You know the seat is fresh and clean.

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Pescado_Rojo

Pescado_Rojo 19416

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I'm 100% remote now so I don't even have a cubicle at the mother ship, but when I worked full time in the office I found a shitter on the ground floor of our building near the rear (non-public) entrance. At one point, that entrance was public, so there was a security desk with a 1/2 wall behind it, and a one-holer unisex bathroom behind the partition. I might have been the only person other than the janitor that new it was there. I used to creep around looking over my shoulder to get there because I didn't want anyone else to find it. It was always spotless, empty trash cans, full soap dispenser, etc. 

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F250

F250 28777

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2 hours ago, RollLeft said:

I miss walking into random building on the 40 (campus) taking an elevator to some empty floor and looking for a clean and ever so lonely shitter.

Yeah, I did the same thing. It was like discovering an oasis.

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luke duke

luke duke 6413

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5 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

 

I almost always work from home, but do, on occasion, go into the office.

 

The office shutters are glorious. Not just stalls, they are really small rooms with full locking doors.

 

Luxurious, always spotless, just a great place to take a dump.

 

giphy.gif

No bidet at the office.

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Druggist

Druggist 303

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6 hours ago, RollLeft said:

I miss walking into random building on the 40 (campus) taking an elevator to some empty floor and looking for a clean and ever so lonely shitter.

I did this until I found a shitter on the top floor of Gebauer that was always empty, was its own locking room, and came stocked with a boot full of fresh flowers, spray deodorant and fluffy TP.  No one ever talked to me and I used it a couple times a week for a year or two.  I told zero people about this slice of heaven on the 40 until now (graduated over 15 years ago)

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Spaulding Smails

Spaulding Smails 1552

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Ahhhh yes.  Finding the oasis on the 40 was wonderful.  I found one in the recesses of MBB that was perfect.  The building had just opened, and nobody ever went in there.  Always clean.  Always empty.  

Fast forward to my career in sales, and I developed a move called the "Hampton Inn Pit Stop".  There's always a one-holer just past the lobby in a Hampton Inn, Holiday Inn, etc.   And no guest in their right mind uses a lobby restroom when their room is a few feet or a few floors away, so it's almost always spotless.  Walk in like you're headed to your room, take a right just past the elevators to the shitter, do your business, exit out the side door, and get back on the road.

My office shitter sucks now.  Men's room with one toilet and one urinal.  And, we're almost all guys with three ladies, so it's not like we can use the women's room.  And I'm too cheap to pay a cleaning lady, so we rotate who cleans it.  Which usually means that it's nasty until someone caves.  Good news is, I'm out of the office >50% of the time.  When I do go straight to the office, it's early and I'm the first one there, so that's acceptable.  I usually just clean it and have an immaculate throne to decimate.  

And Imma let you guys in on a little secret.  If you're ever downtown and need a place to shit, go to The W.  Individual restrooms just off the bar / lounge area.  Always spotless.  Nice music playing.  Each one has a different Austin icon photo.  Walk in.  Do your business.  Walk out.  And have the door held for you.  That'll be $9.95 please.

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HornOnTheBayou

HornOnTheBayou 8928

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7 hours ago, Spaulding Smails said:

Fast forward to my career in sales, and I developed a move called the "Hampton Inn Pit Stop".  There's always a one-holer just past the lobby in a Hampton Inn, Holiday Inn, etc.   And no guest in their right mind uses a lobby restroom when their room is a few feet or a few floors away, so it's almost always spotless.  Walk in like you're headed to your room, take a right just past the elevators to the shitter, do your business, exit out the side door, and get back on the road.

The hotel lobby bathroom is my go-to move on the road as well. 

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Js1

Js1 85342

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Old office location in downtown Houston had the single occupancy bathroom hidden.  New office location has it up front by the reception area.  Too obvious now when I sneak up there to poop.

All offices should be required to have floor to ceiling stall doors.  I mean, come on.

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Whatever

Whatever 700

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My office has like 2,000 people, and while always clean (thanks CBRE), they are the regular stalls with 3 stalls in each bathroom.  We have 4 floors and I just cruise the floors until I find an empty one and do the big nasty there.  I will not enter if someone is already there.  Also, I try to go quick because if someone else comes in and enters a stall, I'm out.

I do not like shitting next to someone else doing the same.  It's awkward.

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Js1

Js1 85342

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7 minutes ago, Whatever said:

My office has like 2,000 people, and while always clean (thanks CBRE), they are the regular stalls with 3 stalls in each bathroom.  We have 4 floors and I just cruise the floors until I find an empty one and do the big nasty there.  I will not enter if someone is already there.  Also, I try to go quick because if someone else comes in and enters a stall, I'm out.

I do not like shitting next to someone else doing the same.  It's awkward.

Ha, I do that too.  If I walk in and someone is already shitting, I'll just force out some piss and leave.

If someone else walks in to my empty bathroom while shitting, I'll finish up in about 35 seconds.  Especially because they sit down and then rip ass immediately.

But I'm lucky, the office ratio here is like 80/20 women to men so the only "bad" times to shit at work are around 9-10 (coffee dump time) and 1-2 (lunch dump time).

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Scooter Monzingo

Scooter Monzingo 821

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Damn, some of you grew up soft. I took a job as a machinist at a company called American Alloy in the mid 70’s. On the job for a couple of days and had to drop a duece. I walk into the shitter and there are 10 or 12 sinks along one wall, and 10 or 12 toilets, but no stalls, partitions, nothing against the other. It was Full Metal Jacket basic training. But, to their credit they figured out a way to keep guys from fucking off by hiding out in the shithouse.

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Ten Bears

Ten Bears 2481

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Creeps me out when someone brings their open cup of coffee, tea, whatever, into my 5 hole work shitter where they just leave it on the table by the door.  Fucking gross.  There is a goddamn lunchroom literally next door 15 feet over where you could set it down but you bring it into this reeking bathroom.  

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Horn80

Horn80 6123

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On 2/5/2019 at 9:49 PM, tfoolry said:

I was washing my hands after taking a piss the other day & noticed in mirror that some dude in a stall had his underwear off on floor right under door.  I’m assuming shart gone wrong but didn’t ask.  

Or he’s asking you for a date

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Llano Estacado

Llano Estacado 1257

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Shit smells are caused by shit molecules, floating around in the air.   Probably hard to avoid ingesting shit molecules altogether, but by taking food or beverage into the actual shitter you virtually guarantee ingestion of shit molecules. Someone else's shit molecules. 


And if I can smell their shit, that’s different how?

Ingestion is ingestion.
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Ten Bears

Ten Bears 2481

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I don't know how many shit particles end up in their coffee cup but that's not the point.  The point is that they just walked past a kitchen where they could have set down the cup in a clean environment but instead chose to carry it into the busiest, stinkingest bathroom in the building.  I have even seen their cups on the floor beside them on the shitter.  

And don't get me started on them reading some magazine that has been in that stall for weeks. 

 

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High Plains Drifter

High Plains Drifter 11049

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On 2/5/2019 at 3:42 PM, RollLeft said:

I miss walking into random building on the 40 (campus) taking an elevator to some empty floor and looking for a clean and ever so lonely shitter.

 

Third floor in the architecture building, right on the West Mall just off the drag. On a nice day , the windows would be open,you would get nice fresh air, and you could here the tinkling of that giant round fountain (when it worked) or the chants of whatever the protest du jour was.

 

 

On 2/6/2019 at 7:56 AM, Jack Straw said:

Yep.  Or Cracker Barrel.  

 

Say what you want about shitty over-priced coffee, but Starbucks have never let me down.

 

On 2/9/2019 at 8:16 PM, TwiceHorn said:

Shit smells are caused by shit molecules, floating around in the air.   Probably hard to avoid ingesting shit molecules altogether, but by taking food or beverage into the actual shitter you virtually guarantee ingestion of shit molecules. Someone else's shit molecules. 

 

Actually, shit smells are caused by a specific combination of aromatic compounds, which vary by individual and other factors (diet, overall health, etc). Actual shit is mostly bacteria and partially digested food and undigested fiber. The molecules you are smelling are not actual microscopic pieces of shit. Unless the bacteria (which are probably odorless) are becoming airborne (the mother of all sharts, or some sort of plumbing catastrophe),  I wouldn't worry about it.

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elfenix

elfenix 34243

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3 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Actually, shit smells are caused by a specific combination of aromatic compounds, which vary by individual and other factors (diet, overall health, etc). Actual shit is mostly bacteria and partially digested food and undigested fiber. The molecules you are smelling are not actual microscopic pieces of shit. Unless the bacteria (which are probably odorless) are becoming airborne (the mother of all sharts, or some sort of plumbing catastrophe),  I wouldn't worry about it.

whatever it is, i don't want it landing on my cup.

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