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  • 3 weeks later...
Posted

Golf jokes and stories…🏌️‍♂️

Two guys grow up together, but after college one moves to Georgia and the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other’s stories.

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch.
"Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why Hooters?"
"They have those servers with the big boobs, the tight shorts and the gorgeous legs."
"Perfect, you're on"

At age 42, they meet and play golf again
"Where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Again? Why?"
"They have cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games."
"Yeah, boy! Let's do it!"

At age 52 they meet and play again. "So, where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"The food is pretty good and there's plenty of parking."
"OK."

At age 62 they meet again.
After a round of golf, one says, "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Wings are half price and the food isn't too spicy."
"Good choice"

At age 72 they meet again.
Once again, after a round of golf, one says, "Where shall we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts."
"Great choice."

At age 82 they meet and play again. "Where should we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Because we've never been there before."
"OK, let's give it a try!"
AND SO IT GOES......

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

after sometime the husband and wife had come to referring to sex as "the laundry" to keep it clean in front of the kids.  While upstairs, he mentions, hey babe let's do a quick load of laundry?!  She replied with let me go down stairs and do such and such and I'll be right back.  So down she goes and gets distracted and then remembers and starts back up the stairs where she meets him coming down.  Hey what about that load of laundry?  He replied, well it was a small load and I did it by hand.

  • 1 month later...
Posted
On 7/3/2021 at 4:23 PM, Bevo&Pevo said:

after sometime the husband and wife had come to referring to sex as "the laundry" to keep it clean in front of the kids.  While upstairs, he mentions, hey babe let's do a quick load of laundry?!  She replied with let me go down stairs and do such and such and I'll be right back.  So down she goes and gets distracted and then remembers and starts back up the stairs where she meets him coming down.  Hey what about that load of laundry?  He replied, well it was a small load and I did it by hand.

Wasn't this the Clint Black joke on Celebrity Apprentice?

Posted
On 9/2/2021 at 11:55 PM, SKA the boss said:

How come you never see elephants hiding in trees?

They’re so good at it.

I can’t see them in my refrigerator, either, but I can see their footprints in my butter. 

  • 4 weeks later...
Posted
How come you never see elephants hiding in trees?








They’re so good at it.

Why do elephants paint their balls red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.




What’s the loudest sound in the jungle?

Giraffes eating cherries.
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  • 3 weeks later...
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  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

Santa goes to the proctologist and says, "doctor I think I've got a mince pie stuck up my ass." The doctor says, "Okay Mr. Claus, bend over and I'll take a look. Oh my! You do indeed have a mince pie stuck up your ass, but you're in luck cuz I've got some cream for it."

Posted

Mary kept sleeping during Sunday school. One Sunday, her teacher asked, "Mary who created the universe?" Mary didn't stir, so little Johnny who sat behind her jabbed her in the ass with a pen. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" Mary yelled. "Very good," said her teacher and Mary went back to sleep. 

Later her teacher asked her, "Mary, who is our lord and savior?" Johnny jabbed her in the ass with the pen again and Mary yelled, "JESUS CHRIST!" and then went back to sleep. 

Then her teacher asks, "Mary, what did Eve say to Adam after she had her 20th child?" Johnny jabbed her in the ass again. This time Mary stood up and said directly to him, "IF YOU PUT THAT DAMN THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF!"

The teacher fainted. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

Guy is in a small Mexican town, realizes he left his watch in the hotel. 

Sees a guy sitting next to a donkey, says, "Hey, you know what time it is?"

Guy picks up the donkeys balls, squints, and says, two o'clock."

Guy runs back to his hotel and checks, and the guy was right about the time. 

Goes back out and asks him, "How did you know the time?"

Other guy says, "Okay, sit where I am. Now, pick up the donkeys balls. You see that clock on the bank building?"

  • 4 weeks later...

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