Lame joke thread

[Richard Kimball 1503]

I called the tinnitus hotline, but it just kept ringing. 

[Lone Star Horn 2019]

What do you call a masturbating Vampire?

 

Ejacula

[Lone Star Horn 2019]

Why did God create Adam before Eve.

 

He didn't want any advice.

[tfoolry 8254]

 

 

[tfoolry 8254]

 

 

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[High Plains Drifter 11055]

 

In the spirit of the olympics: 

What is the only sport more boring than Track?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Field. 

[Tex Long 4509]

Field would be greatly improved if they would start throwing things at targets instead of just seeing how far they can throw things.

[NWBuck 8590]

14 hours ago, Tex Long said:

Field would be greatly improved if they would start throwing things at targets instead of just seeing how far they can throw things.

My high school team was terrible at javelin until they learned that the other team throwing first didn't mean we had to receive. 

[Longboard Horn 40843]

[Longboard Horn 40843]

What do you call a woman whose husband dies?  A widow

What do you call a man whose wife dies? Free!

[ajax 2631]

[Jiggy-Z 3467]

What do you call two apparent contradictions that may, nevertheless, be true?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paradoxes.

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[thunderlounge 8029]

[Lone Star Horn 2019]

What did the Texas A&M football player get on the SAT?

 

Drool.

[Bullneck 19315]

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[Longboard Horn 40843]

What did the fisherman say to the magician?

Pick a cod, any cod

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[Superhero 8888]

Why to people hate us lazy people? It's not like we did anything.

[Superhero 8888]

A Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German were watching a street performance. They were straining their necks at the back of the crowd trying to get a glimpse. The performer noticed so she stepped onto a platform and asked if they could see now. Their response was.

Oui

Si

Ja

[Bevo&Pevo 5387]

[Longboard Horn 40843]

What do you call sweaty boobs?

Humidtitties 

[jetsfan76 738]

did you ever hear of the Roman Emperor that died before the age of 20?

His name was Constant Teen.

I spotted an albino dalmatian the other day. It was the least I could do.

[Armybrat 40986]

Little Johnny again

---

Little Johnny asked his dad for a new bike one day. Johnny’s Dad replied I’d like to get you a new bike but we got a 280,000 dollar mortgage on the house and your mom just lost her job and we can’t afford it. Well Little Johnny went to bed sad that night.
He got up to go to the bathroom that night and walking past his parents bedroom he heard his Dad tell his Mom “ I’m pulling out and then he heard his Mom say “no wait I’m coming too.”
The next morning Little Johnny’s Dad caught him going down the sidewalk pulling his wagon full of clothes. His Dad said where do you think you’re going young man to which Little Johnny replied I’m outta here I heard you and Mom talking about pulling out and her saying to hold on because she was coming too. So I figured I’ll leave before you stick me with a 280000 dollar mortgage and no bike !

[Longboard Horn 40843]

[tfoolry 8254]

 

 

[WithoutAClue 15546]

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A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says:
"What a strange pet, what's his name?"
"Tiny." the man replies.
"What an odd name, why do you call him tiny?"
"Because he's my newt."

[WithoutAClue 15546]

[Richard Kimball 1503]

A sandwich walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a coke."

The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here."

[hookemATL 11972]

How do you take a sweater off a sheep?

You pull the wool over its eyes. 

[thunderlounge 8029]

45 minutes ago, hookemATL said:

How do you take a sweater off a sheep?

You pull the wool over its eyes. 

Sounds a bit aggy.