Lame joke thread

[Richard Kimball 1,517]

I called the tinnitus hotline, but it just kept ringing. 

[Lone Star Horn 2,068]

What do you call a masturbating Vampire?

 

Ejacula

[Lone Star Horn 2,068]

Why did God create Adam before Eve.

 

He didn't want any advice.

[tfoolry 8,341]

 

 

[tfoolry 8,341]

 

 

[nnm 37,737]

 

[nnm 37,737]

 

 

[nnm 37,737]

[High Plains Drifter 11,161]

 

In the spirit of the olympics: 

What is the only sport more boring than Track?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Field. 

[Tex Long 4,616]

Field would be greatly improved if they would start throwing things at targets instead of just seeing how far they can throw things.

[NWBuck 8,619]

14 hours ago, Tex Long said:

Field would be greatly improved if they would start throwing things at targets instead of just seeing how far they can throw things.

My high school team was terrible at javelin until they learned that the other team throwing first didn't mean we had to receive. 

[Longboard Horn 41,319]

[Longboard Horn 41,319]

What do you call a woman whose husband dies?  A widow

What do you call a man whose wife dies? Free!

[ajax 2,671]

[Jiggy-Z 3,506]

What do you call two apparent contradictions that may, nevertheless, be true?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paradoxes.

[nnm 37,737]

 

[thunderlounge 8,318]

[Lone Star Horn 2,068]

What did the Texas A&M football player get on the SAT?

 

Drool.

[Bullneck 19,454]

[nnm 37,737]

[Longboard Horn 41,319]

What did the fisherman say to the magician?

Pick a cod, any cod

[nnm 37,737]

 

 

[nnm 37,737]

[Superhero 8,990]

Why to people hate us lazy people? It's not like we did anything.

[Superhero 8,990]

A Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German were watching a street performance. They were straining their necks at the back of the crowd trying to get a glimpse. The performer noticed so she stepped onto a platform and asked if they could see now. Their response was.

Oui

Si

Ja

[Bevo&Pevo 5,507]

[Longboard Horn 41,319]

What do you call sweaty boobs?

Humidtitties 

[jetsfan76 781]

did you ever hear of the Roman Emperor that died before the age of 20?

His name was Constant Teen.

I spotted an albino dalmatian the other day. It was the least I could do.

[Armybrat 41,320]

Little Johnny again

---

Little Johnny asked his dad for a new bike one day. Johnny’s Dad replied I’d like to get you a new bike but we got a 280,000 dollar mortgage on the house and your mom just lost her job and we can’t afford it. Well Little Johnny went to bed sad that night.
He got up to go to the bathroom that night and walking past his parents bedroom he heard his Dad tell his Mom “ I’m pulling out and then he heard his Mom say “no wait I’m coming too.”
The next morning Little Johnny’s Dad caught him going down the sidewalk pulling his wagon full of clothes. His Dad said where do you think you’re going young man to which Little Johnny replied I’m outta here I heard you and Mom talking about pulling out and her saying to hold on because she was coming too. So I figured I’ll leave before you stick me with a 280000 dollar mortgage and no bike !

[Longboard Horn 41,319]

[tfoolry 8,341]

 

 

[WithoutAClue 15,992]

[nnm 37,737]

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says:
"What a strange pet, what's his name?"
"Tiny." the man replies.
"What an odd name, why do you call him tiny?"
"Because he's my newt."

[WithoutAClue 15,992]

[Richard Kimball 1,517]

A sandwich walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a coke."

The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here."

[hookemATL 12,228]

How do you take a sweater off a sheep?

You pull the wool over its eyes. 

[thunderlounge 8,318]

45 minutes ago, hookemATL said:

How do you take a sweater off a sheep?

You pull the wool over its eyes. 

Sounds a bit aggy. 

[WithoutAClue 15,992]

[Longboard Horn 41,319]

 

[WithoutAClue 15,992]