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Lame joke thread

honolulu horn

By honolulu horn
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Armybrat
Armybrat

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.“Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asked.“Well, I can think of one thing,” the cowboy offered. “On a trip to the Black

Disco Strangler
Disco Strangler

Indians on a remote reservation in Oklahoma asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild? Since he was a Chief in modern society, he had never been taught the old secre

ernest_t_bass
ernest_t_bass

What's the difference between 2 dicks and a joke? Bob Stoops can't take a joke.

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Armybrat

Armybrat 40559

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Golf jokes and stories…🏌️‍♂️

Two guys grow up together, but after college one moves to Georgia and the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other’s stories.

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch.
"Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why Hooters?"
"They have those servers with the big boobs, the tight shorts and the gorgeous legs."
"Perfect, you're on"

At age 42, they meet and play golf again
"Where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Again? Why?"
"They have cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games."
"Yeah, boy! Let's do it!"

At age 52 they meet and play again. "So, where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"The food is pretty good and there's plenty of parking."
"OK."

At age 62 they meet again.
After a round of golf, one says, "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Wings are half price and the food isn't too spicy."
"Good choice"

At age 72 they meet again.
Once again, after a round of golf, one says, "Where shall we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts."
"Great choice."

At age 82 they meet and play again. "Where should we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Because we've never been there before."
"OK, let's give it a try!"
AND SO IT GOES......

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Bevo&Pevo

Bevo&Pevo 4932

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after sometime the husband and wife had come to referring to sex as "the laundry" to keep it clean in front of the kids.  While upstairs, he mentions, hey babe let's do a quick load of laundry?!  She replied with let me go down stairs and do such and such and I'll be right back.  So down she goes and gets distracted and then remembers and starts back up the stairs where she meets him coming down.  Hey what about that load of laundry?  He replied, well it was a small load and I did it by hand.

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Texas St. Armadillos

Texas St. Armadillos 1368

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On 7/3/2021 at 4:23 PM, Bevo&Pevo said:

after sometime the husband and wife had come to referring to sex as "the laundry" to keep it clean in front of the kids.  While upstairs, he mentions, hey babe let's do a quick load of laundry?!  She replied with let me go down stairs and do such and such and I'll be right back.  So down she goes and gets distracted and then remembers and starts back up the stairs where she meets him coming down.  Hey what about that load of laundry?  He replied, well it was a small load and I did it by hand.

Wasn't this the Clint Black joke on Celebrity Apprentice?

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Disco Strangler

Disco Strangler 1865

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Indians on a remote reservation in Oklahoma asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild?

Since he was a Chief in modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets.  When he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what the Winter was going to be like.  Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the Winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea.  He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, ‘Is the coming Winter going to be cold?’

‘It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,’ the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. ‘Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold Winter?’

‘Yes,’ the man at National Weather Service again replied, ‘it’s going to be a very cold Winter.’

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the Chief called the National Weather Service again. ‘Are you absolutely sure that the Winter is going to be very cold?’

‘Absolutely,’ the man replied. ‘It’s looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest Winters we’ve ever seen.’

‘How can you be so sure?’ the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, ‘The Indians are collecting a shitload of firewood'.

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Longboard Horn

Longboard Horn 39896

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Mary kept sleeping during Sunday school. One Sunday, her teacher asked, "Mary who created the universe?" Mary didn't stir, so little Johnny who sat behind her jabbed her in the ass with a pen. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" Mary yelled. "Very good," said her teacher and Mary went back to sleep. 

Later her teacher asked her, "Mary, who is our lord and savior?" Johnny jabbed her in the ass with the pen again and Mary yelled, "JESUS CHRIST!" and then went back to sleep. 

Then her teacher asks, "Mary, what did Eve say to Adam after she had her 20th child?" Johnny jabbed her in the ass again. This time Mary stood up and said directly to him, "IF YOU PUT THAT DAMN THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF!"

The teacher fainted. 

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Richard Kimball

Richard Kimball 1491

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Guy is in a small Mexican town, realizes he left his watch in the hotel. 

Sees a guy sitting next to a donkey, says, "Hey, you know what time it is?"

Guy picks up the donkeys balls, squints, and says, two o'clock."

Guy runs back to his hotel and checks, and the guy was right about the time. 

Goes back out and asks him, "How did you know the time?"

Other guy says, "Okay, sit where I am. Now, pick up the donkeys balls. You see that clock on the bank building?"

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