Jump to content

Lame joke thread

honolulu horn

By honolulu horn
in Lulz

 Share

Recommended Posts

  • Popular Post
Armybrat

Armybrat 41,388

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

“Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asked.

“Well, I can think of one thing,” the cowboy offered. “On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, ‘Now, back off or I’ll kick the living daylights out of all of you!'”

St Peter was impressed, “When did this happen?”

“Couple of minutes ago.”

  • Hook 'Em 2
  • Like 3
  • Haha 11
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Replies 897
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Popular Posts

Armybrat
Armybrat

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.“Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asked.“Well, I can think of one thing,” the cowboy offered. “On a trip to the Black

Disco Strangler
Disco Strangler

Indians on a remote reservation in Oklahoma asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild? Since he was a Chief in modern society, he had never been taught the old secre

ernest_t_bass
ernest_t_bass

What's the difference between 2 dicks and a joke? Bob Stoops can't take a joke.

Posted Images

  • 2 weeks later...
Bullneck

Bullneck 19,511

Posted
Posted

gf is prego

we like to get kinky anyways

one night things get particularly saucy

i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights

wtf it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period

i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering

ohshitohshitohshitohshit

i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital

she's still bleeding everywhere

by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much anymore, but all the color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent

oh shit, she looks like she's in a vegetative state

storm into to the emergency room, cary her to the nearest doctor and explain eveything

he takes one look at ther and says

"sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do"

"WHY THE FUCK NOT???"

"we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce"

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 18,073

Posted
Posted
12 hours ago, Bullneck said:

gf is prego

we like to get kinky anyways

one night things get particularly saucy

i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights

wtf it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period

i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering

ohshitohshitohshitohshit

i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital

she's still bleeding everywhere

by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much anymore, but all the color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent

oh shit, she looks like she's in a vegetative state

storm into to the emergency room, cary her to the nearest doctor and explain eveything

he takes one look at ther and says

"sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do"

"WHY THE FUCK NOT???"

"we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce"

That's not lame.  That's just stupid.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
beer

beer 3,294

Posted
Posted

An old man went to the pharmacist and said, "Look, I'm having a little trouble performing with my wife. Do they make any pills that can help with that?"

The pharmacist replied, "Sure, that's more common than you may think. In fact I take Viagra myself for the same sort of thing."

The old man asked. "Can you get it over the counter?"

The pharmacist thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, probably if I took 2 or 3 of them at once."

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Buzzrock

Buzzrock 15,136

Posted
Posted

gf is prego

we like to get kinky anyways

one night things get particularly saucy

i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights

wtf it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period

i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering

ohshitohshitohshitohshit

i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital

she's still bleeding everywhere

by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much anymore, but all the color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent

oh shit, she looks like she's in a vegetative state

storm into to the emergency room, cary her to the nearest doctor and explain eveything

he takes one look at ther and says

"sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do"

"WHY THE FUCK NOT???"

"we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce"


That’s fucking weird but I kinda like it. The first line is key.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Armybrat

Armybrat 41,388

Posted
Posted
A guy talks to the Doc in the hospital where his wife is in a coma.
 
"Doc ! Doc, what am I going to do?"
 
"Well, said the Doc, there is a radical treatment that I have heard good things about"
 
"What is it Doc I'm desperate?"
 
"Well you need to go in there and have oral sex with your wife until she wakes up"
 
"Really Doc?"
 
"Yes, I have heard good things!"
 
So, the guy says, "Ok Doc if you say so i'll give it a try" and in he goes.
 
Ten minutes he comes out in a panic and says "Doc ! Doc, I think she is choking"
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...
  • 2 weeks later...
Armybrat

Armybrat 41,388

Posted
Posted
An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. The bouncer is a blonde girl. I'm a 6-foot-tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?' 

The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing


Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business and Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Subscribe!... Donate!... Advertise... COOKIE MONSTER!

×
×
  • Create New...