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Lame joke thread

honolulu horn

By honolulu horn
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What's the difference between 2 dicks and a joke? Bob Stoops can't take a joke.

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AM Wood

AM Wood 335

Posted
Posted
9 hours ago, Hugh G. Rection said:

What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor?

“Make me one with everything.”

The monk handed him a twenty and the hot dog vendor gives him the hot dog and just looks at him.

 

the monk says”hey, where’s my change”

 

the hot dog vendor answers “change comes from within”

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Longboard Horn

Longboard Horn 41319

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Three nurses working in a morgue discover a dead man with a hard on. The first nurse says, "I can't let that go to waste," and rides him. The second nurse does the same. The third hesitates and explains that she's on her period, but does him anyway. Then the man sits up and the nurses start apologizing, saying they thought he was dead. The man replies, "I was dead, but after two jump starts and a blood transfusion I feel fucking great!"

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General Specific

General Specific 3484

Posted
Posted

How did Hellen Keller burn her face?

She answered the iron!

How did Hellen Keller’s parents punish her?

They left the plunger in the toilet!

How come the blind don’t sky dive?

It scares the shit out of the dog!

What’s this sound (high pitch to lower pitch whistling sound, like a bomb falling)?

A women sky diving without a tampon!


What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog?

Damn, we do taste like chicken!

What’s the speed limit for sex?

68, because you eat it at 69!

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15450

Posted
Posted (edited)
5 minutes ago, General Specific said:

How did Hellen Keller burn her face?

She answered the iron!

How did Hellen Keller’s parents punish her?

They left the plunger in the toilet!

How come the blind don’t sky dive?

It scares the shit out of the dog!

What’s this sound (high pitch to lower pitch whistling sound, like a bomb falling)?

A women sky diving without a tampon!


What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog?

Damn, we do taste like chicken!

What’s the speed limit for sex?

68, because you eat it at 69!
 

How did Hellen Keller know when to pull the rip cord while sky diving?

 

there was slack in the dog leash

 

how did Hellen Keller break her arm?

trying to read street signs doing 40

 

Knock Knock

who’s there?

little boy blue.

little boy blue who?

michael jackson 

 

 

what did the man on on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

 

would you please get out of my sun 

 

 

Edited by Trey3216
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BearSchlong

BearSchlong 8231

Posted
Posted (edited)

credit to whoever forwarded this to me.

A young guy from North Carolina moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Carolina."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.

"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

"How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.

That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Carolina, but you're not in the mountains anymore, son."
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".

The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.

 

(obviously an old joke because today a boat and truck would be at least $400K)

Edited by BearSchlong
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