Things you're a little bit embarrassed to admit

[Hate 20,108]

I’ll poop at work, but never at a store or restaurant unless it’s impossible to avoid, like an explosive diarrhea event.

[ernest_t_bass 1,196]

Allegedly.

[Prepuce of Doom 21,060]

1 hour ago, Ojo Rojo said:

According to my dad, my mom is like this.  Not even hotels.  Home or nothing.

I used to be a lot more like this.  I NEVER took a crap at school in twelve years except one time when I had explosive diarrhea.  And then I hovered and got watery shit all over the toilet, wall and floor.  Man I felt sorry for the cleaning lady.  Since then I've branched out.  Still won't sit on a nasty public toilet though.

I've always assumed that Poop Camelhood was the exclusive province of men since women are already (or should be!) accustomed to sitting on public toilets anyway. 

Give your mom an "attaboy" from the rest of us! 

[Chuychanga 133]

I’m embarrassed to be a member of a site where there is debate about whether Amy Schumer or Judge Judy is hot. 

[Shaggy3.0 1,695]

I’m embarrassed to be a member of a site where there is debate about whether Amy Schumer or Judge Judy is hot. 

Do you even shag, bro?




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[BurdineBandit 815]

22 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

 

 

Have y'all NEVER eaten or drank anything that so disagreed with you that you simply needed "any port in a storm?"  I've defiled many a place because those chicken wings I ate back in Sweetwater ain't gonna wait till I get back to Austin (for example).

Once you realize the world is your shitter, you stand up a little taller, more regal even.  I am king of all that I survey.  I SHALL SHIT HERE.

The last (and maybe only) time this happened to me was during a day-long UT Football tailgate, and I had to duck walk/run my ass over to the Education building to shit.

Getting paid to shit is the best though, I can do it twice a day on the company dime and save on TP at home while doing it. You're missing out.

[skipperj 377]

Shitting in the handicapped port-a-pottie after tailgate setup was done was a regular part of my gameday.

[NWBuck 8,552]

Best download I've ever had was here:

[High Plains Drifter 11,035]

4 hours ago, Mr.Hovis said:

Just got a new hummingbird feeder, probably a little more excited about this than I should be. Love watching those little bastards do their inflight slap fight over who gets their spot on the feeder. Never seen one peck the shit out of the other, but I'm watching just in case.

You probably won't ever see an actual peck. Their peckers (heh) are very delicate, and if they damage them, they are fucked.

They do however, shit any damn place they please.

[ABSR 5,309]

3 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

I've always assumed that Poop Camelhood was the exclusive province of men since women are already (or should be!) accustomed to sitting on public toilets anyway. 

Give your mom an "attaboy" from the rest of us! 

You think women sit on public toilets?   There is a reason womens public restrooms are disgusting.  It is because they "hover" to avoid touching the toilet, so with their inate accuracy and aim they try and bombadier into the toilet so as to not touch it.   Ask the women you know...horrifying and disgusting.

[Prepuce of Doom 21,060]

3 hours ago, NWBuck said:

Best download I've ever had was here:

I'd rather take a shit out the side of the helicopter that would be required to get me to that toilet, but if I somehow found myself in that location, I would happily make an exception to my rules. 

Edited May 18, 2018 by Prepuce of Doom

[Jhawk 1,075]

I used to never shit anywhere.  Growing up I had a mother who would take me everywhere but would never let me shit on a dirty toilet.  Made me never understand the transgender bathroom debate because who would let their kid go into a walmart bathroom?  After shitting myself multiple times in adulthood I flung the complete opposite direction from my childhood.  Public toilets are no longer for emergency only.  They are for massacre.  I'll shit anywhere, but when I go into a 7-11 or a bar bathroom I am making it count.

1. Flush

2. dip TP in the water and clean the seat (I don't use those covers or layers of tp)

3. Hold....

4.  HOLD....

5. HOLLLLLDDDD...

6. Once a person walks in I release the fury of Tsar Bomba.  That's right.  50 megatons of assplosion right up in that small hot bathroom you're trying to take a piss in.  It usually gets a laugh from the person in there which makes me crack up hysterically.

I do it for the lulz now.

 

Edit: If I have to use a johnny on the spot I let it out as slow as possible and hang over the toilet without touching it.  That is one of the most dangerous places on earth and for EXTREME EMERGENCIES.  Like 30 minutes from the nearest bathroom and you've got shit squirting out right now type of emergencies.  I'd rather shit myself after traveling 29 minutes to the bathroom than shit in a Johnny when I first feel one coming on.

Edited May 19, 2018 by Jhawk

[Jack Straw 2,954]

On 5/17/2018 at 2:26 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

If I'm not sleeping there, I'm not pooping there unless it's an absolute emergency. 

This is my policy.  I’m not looking to sit on any nasty AIDS toilets over here.  I’ll drive across town to a fancy hotel, or at the very worst, a Cracker Barrel if I absolutely have to.  

[butthurt 1,522]

Man I'm glad that I'm not the only one who doesn't shit in public restrooms.

[Underdog 28,595]

Should just go ahead and change it from Surly to Girly for all you pussies out there. 

[ImissWallyPryor 9,046]

On 5/17/2018 at 12:44 PM, Jerry Callo said:

I take a shit at HEB about once every six weeks or so.  Lovely, clean restrooms.  Fully enclosed toilets.  Loud hand drying things that drown out bathroom noises.

I also drop a deuce at the office several times a week and I only work with 4 other people.  

How would that change if you worked with 5 other people?  Or 10?

[BearMace 2,194]

Process of elimination is easier in figuring out who destroyed the restroom. And in a bigger office he'd have to take more vile shits to give the whole office a taste.

[ChickenSandwich 9,830]

What is a Post Malone?

[tx ind 7,009]

12 hours ago, Jhawk said:

 

2. dip TP in the water and clean the seat (I don't use those covers or layers of tp)

You dip the TP in the toilet water? 

[SilasCoade 2,622]

13 hours ago, Underdog said:

Should just go ahead and change it from Surly to Girly for all you pussies out there. 

Seriously. If that Johnny Cash song about travelling around 'Murica was about shitting it could be the story of my life. I've shit everywhere, man.

[BearSchlong 8,083]

This is my policy.  I’m not looking to sit on any nasty AIDS toilets over here.  I’ll drive across town to a fancy hotel, or at the very worst, a Cracker Barrel if I absolutely have to.  

Omg I'm dying. Lol. At first I was all "oh yeah I love shitting in 5 star hotel bathrooms, with the good designer hand soap that smells good and the luxury almost clothlike hand towels" then I saw cracker barrel.

 

[Stoogey 219]

9 hours ago, BearMace said:

Process of elimination is easier in figuring out who destroyed the restroom. And in a bigger office he'd have to take more vile shits to give the whole office a taste.

Process of elimination. 

[CooterBrown 18,005]

Just got a new hummingbird feeder, probably a little more excited about this than I should be. Love watching those little bastards do their inflight slap fight over who gets their spot on the feeder. Never seen one peck the shit out of the other, but I'm watching just in case.

Was hand watering during a drought a few years ago and a hummingbird was hanging out flying through the mist. So, I then started spraying a fine mist in the air for him. In about a minute a dozen hummingbirds showed up and just had a fine time in the water. It is still a little moment life highlight.

[Sandman 3,403]

I like to go to estate sales with my wife. We only go to the ones that are in high class neighborhoods. I never buy anything, I just like to browse. I regret not buying the pair of bookends that were made from petrified wood.

[Brisketexan 105,091]

Seriously. If that Johnny Cash song about travelling around 'Murica was about shitting it could be the story of my life. I've shit everywhere, man.

Fuck yeah.

Hell, just drove the boy back to the Ranch house in the ranger because he had to blow mud. He’d have done it in the field, but we didn’t have any paper on the ranger.

The world is yours to shit on. That’s what a man does. Is this a place? Then I’ll shit here. It’s like planting your flag. But with shit.

[Underdog 28,595]

1 hour ago, Sandman said:

I like to go to estate sales with my wife. We only go to the ones that are in high class neighborhoods. I never buy anything, I just like to browse. I regret not buying the pair of bookends that were made from petrified wood.

The wife and I do the same, bought our house 2 years ago and have bought many things for it from Estate sales.  We've even gone on overnight trips to attend some of them.  We also like going and checking out the houses, some in high end neighborhoods(NJ surprisingly has a shitload of them) and many from older houses that are cool to check out.  It also gives us a chance to check the local eateries/diners that are nearby, found several gems. 

[ernest_t_bass 1,196]

I think Nickelback is decent.  Not good.  Just decent. 

[Dbeasy 15,044]

I think Nickelback is decent.  Not good.  Just decent. 

Not only do I like Nickelback, I have three albums and went to one of their concerts. Took the whole family in fact.

[After irth 1,243]

1 hour ago, Dbeasy said:

Not only do I like Nickelback, I have three albums and went to one of their concerts. Took the whole family in fact.

Social Services will be in touch shortly. 

[butthurt 1,522]

I don't believe them, but I love conspiracy theories.

[Kevin O’Shea 279]

I’ve started watching “Soutern Charm” reality show with my wife and honestly I don’t mind it. 

[Bud Davis 13]

On 5/17/2018 at 12:31 PM, bluto said:

How the f is that possible to go years without shitting outside your home base. Mind blowing. 

It is also a perfect recipe for ending up in the shart thread. 

[BurntOrangeCrush 1,011]

I like fried burritos from Allsups better than any burrito at Taco Bell

[Judge Roybeanbag 11,819]

On 5/19/2018 at 1:50 PM, Underdog said:

The wife and I do the same, bought our house 2 years ago and have bought many things for it from Estate sales.  We've even gone on overnight trips to attend some of them.  We also like going and checking out the houses, some in high end neighborhoods(NJ surprisingly has a shitload of them) and many from older houses that are cool to check out.  It also gives us a chance to check the local eateries/diners that are nearby, found several gems. 

Wait, I thought y’all were going to estate sales to take a dump in the fancy mansion toilets.  

[skipperj 377]

8 minutes ago, BurntOrangeCrush said:

I like fried burritos from Allsups better than any burrito at Taco Bell

Especially on the Sunday side of a road trip weekend.

[kmac30 416]

You dip the TP in the toilet water? 

Seriously. That water is not your friend.

[EZ$ 2,103]

I never pooped in public until I started working a regular 8-5. Now I go at work daily and have no problems going at malls (did that Friday), restaurants (last week) or port-a-potty’s (golf tourney 2 weeks ago). 

These events are usually explosive, so it’s pretty much there or my pants. 

Edited May 20, 2018 by EZ$

[Equinox 95]

You haven't shit until you've done it out in the sticks, leaning back against a tree, telephone pole, your pickup, etc. 

[Brisketexan 105,091]

You haven't shit until you've done it out in the sticks, leaning back against a tree, telephone pole, your pickup, etc. 

Hells yes.

Or had to pull down waders to shit.

Or had to wipe your ass with Rio grande cane leaves.

[DaysOff 7,947]

You haven't shit until you've done it out in the sticks, leaning back against a tree, telephone pole, your pickup, etc. 

I'm okay with all of that. Go sit in a stall of the C2 wing at EWR.

[Blotto 23,492]

How the fuck do you ladies live your lives refusing to shit in public restrooms. I don't make it a goal in the morning, but I have no qualms dropping bombs in a clean restroom. 

[DaysOff 7,947]

Clean? You've never been to Newark.

 

 

[PilotsError 2,287]

Why do two different posters have the same fucking avatar?

[Shaggy3.0 1,695]

Clean? You've never been to Newark.
 
 

That’s not as bad as the Port Authority—where I’ve shat plenty of times waiting for my slab to get across the Lincoln Tunnel. The men’s bathroom at Grand Central is also sort of sketchy.





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[Sandman 3,403]

10 hours ago, Blotto said:

How the fuck do you ladies live your lives refusing to shit in public restrooms. I don't make it a goal in the morning, but I have no qualms dropping bombs in a clean restroom. 

I think it has to do with your enviroment. I always refused to shit in public, then I went to boot camp and got used with shitting in a stall without a door. It didn't bother me that there would be people standing around, waiting for their turn to shit. Now, I'm back to where I don't shit in public unless it is an emergency.

 

[hookem2010 2,624]

I bird watch all the time. I'm 30 years old and have been doing so frequently for the last 2 years. Somehow I have a wife. She likes to let people know about this hobby of mine almost immediately after introducing me. It started with hiking and I quickly realized there is not a ton of great scenery or wildlife outside of birds in the Houston area. Plus, I like making lists so seeing my life count increase is incredibly satisfying.

Just got a new hummingbird feeder, probably a little more excited about this than I should be. Love watching those little bastards do their inflight slap fight over who gets their spot on the feeder. Never seen one peck the shit out of the other, but I'm watching just in case.

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[HouTex 1,866]

I bird watch all the time. I'm 30 years old and have been doing so frequently for the last 2 years. Somehow I have a wife. She likes to let people know about this hobby of mine almost immediately after introducing me. It started with hiking and I quickly realized there is not a ton of great scenery or wildlife outside of birds in the Houston area. Plus, I like making lists so seeing my life count increase is incredibly satisfying.


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Birds are cool. Especially birds of prey. I can watch hawks and falcons all day long.

[52-80 19,148]

16 hours ago, Equinox said:

You haven't shit until you've done it out in the sticks, leaning back against a tree, telephone pole, your pickup, etc. 

*leaning* against a tree? I was taught to hug it - to maintain balance.   

From a defensive point of view, it does make one vulnerable.

Non discriminatory shitter.  When you gotta go, you gotta go.  In a big city, the best place is always a nice hotel.

[huge 3,793]

Yep, pro tip.  Hotel lobbies are always clean and infrequently visited.

Not that I require such luxury.  I will shit anywhere anytime.  My bowels comfort, that is what is important.

[huge 3,793]

Reminds me of a really good gag I heard about.

Family road trip, 2 high school brothers.  Younger one has to shit, pull over, older one runs into the 1 hitter and says "I gotta pee, I'll be quick"

Proceeds to pee all over the place in there, mainly on the seat.  Strolls out "It's all yours"