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Things you're a little bit embarrassed to admit


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Posted

I watch Ru Paul's Drag Race with my fiancee.  Whatever.

When I go to take a shit I wait until the last possible minute each time.  When walking into the bathroom I do a nice pirouette, spinning while simultaneously pulling down my pants to sit my ass on the toilet.  9 times out of 10 this results in me farting right in front of the toilet seat before sitting down.  Thus my face is positioned perfectly in my own fart cloud as I take a shit that usually only lasts about 3-5 minutes.  I like to think of the fart as an appetizer to my mondo dook.

  • Haha 1
Posted
  On 3/29/2018 at 6:06 PM, Al_4_ISU said:

I like reading maps for fun.

Laugh all you want, but I almost never get lost.

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I scored perfect on the Iowa Test of Basic Skills mapping section back in like 3rd grade.  I fucking love maps.

  • Like 1
Posted

I have what can best be described as a horse dick. It's very difficult for me to have sex because the girls are constantly orgasming so hard that they're always flailing around. Please pray for me.

 

my dick is so tiny

Posted
  On 3/29/2018 at 8:27 PM, Roofle said:

I have what can best be described as a horse dick. It's very difficult for me to have sex because the girls are constantly orgasming so hard that they're always flailing around. Please pray for me.

 

my dick is so tiny

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Posted
  On 3/29/2018 at 6:06 PM, Al_4_ISU said:
I like reading maps for fun.
Laugh all you want, but I almost never get lost.


Google Earth has been like crack for me for many many years.

And I never get lost!
Posted
  On 3/29/2018 at 7:55 PM, Jhawk said:

When I go to take a shit I wait until the last possible minute each time.  When walking into the bathroom I do a nice pirouette, spinning while simultaneously pulling down my pants to sit my ass on the toilet.  9 times out of 10 this results in me farting right in front of the toilet seat before sitting down.  Thus my face is positioned perfectly in my own fart cloud as I take a shit that usually only lasts about 3-5 minutes.  I like to think of the fart as an appetizer to my mondo dook.

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This is known in my home as The #2 Prelude by Franz Shitbert.  And am I weird, or does 3-5 minutes to take a shit seem awfully long?  You make it seem like that's a world-record setting pace.  Goddamn get in do your bidness and GTFO.

Posted
  On 3/29/2018 at 8:33 PM, Hate said:

 


Google Earth has been like crack for me for many many years.

And I never get lost!

 

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It's amazing.  Anytime I travel with friends, they're shocked with how much I know about a place I've never been.

  • Like 1
Posted (edited)
  On 3/29/2018 at 8:33 PM, Hate said:

 


Google Earth has been like crack for me for many many years.

And I never get lost!

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Y'all are amateurs.  Here is just a portion of my map.  I scour and scrape the internet for locations to photograph.  Mostly abandoned places, but also places for landscapes and animals.  I recently added many of the TM Top 50 BBQ spots so that I can couple them with my photo trips.  Many of these locations come from hours of searching Google maps and street view.

Ag6gtu7.png

Edited by Patricio Swayze
  • Like 2
Posted

I’ve come to accept this as part of getting old as I’ll be 50 in August but, I regularly fart when I sneeze.  I can’t stop it, it just happens.  Luckily, when it does happen I have a very forceful sneeze and nobody will hear me fart...unless it smells.  I work in an office that is 97% female and some of my co-workers that know me pretty well have taken to asking me every time I sneeze did it have blow back?

  • Haha 1
Posted (edited)
  On 3/29/2018 at 10:38 PM, El Moco said:

I’ve come to accept this as part of getting old as I’ll be 50 in August but, I regularly fart when I sneeze.  I can’t stop it, it just happens.  Luckily, when it does happen I have a very forceful sneeze and nobody will hear me fart...unless it smells.  I work in an office that is 97% female and some of my co-workers that know me pretty well have taken to asking me every time I sneeze did it have blow back?

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It gets better. after 50 you'll also shart when you sneeze.

Edited by Don Keibals
  • Like 1
Posted
  On 3/29/2018 at 9:25 PM, former alkie said:

Cats are cool.....

I’m weirded out by people who think cats are reincarnations of the devil.

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Pretty certain one of the cats we adopted a few weeks ago is, in fact, the Devil.  Little bastard's turning my arm and hands into hamburger meat. 

  • Like 1
Posted
  On 3/29/2018 at 6:06 PM, Al_4_ISU said:

I like reading maps for fun.

Laugh all you want, but I almost never get lost.

Expand  

Guilty as charged. I like to go on Google Earth, set the zoom to the entire earth, and see if I can use the mouse scroll wheel to zoom in to major sites around the world in a single continuous motion. Like the pyramids, Eiffel Tower, Christ the Redeemer, etc. Good wholesome fun.

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