Your inappropriate LOL/can't stop laughing moments...

[Knoxtnhorn 6179]

I don't think we've done this one yet.

So today my 6 year-old is in a cup stacking tourney (yes, I know).  There are about 1,000 people in the gym.  Late teen/early 20's girl comes out to sing the anthem.  She completely Enrico Palazzo's it.  I mean, it was almost as if she was trying to recreate the exact same scene.  The more I thought about Leslie Nielson's scene, the worst it got.  I tried my best, but I lost it.  

Senior year of high school.  We had a scholarship ceremony.  Several hundred pack the gym.  One-by-one students are called up to receive whatever scholarship they might have won for college.  This one very sweet black girl ends up winning multiple scholarships.  Each time her name is called, she slowly walks down the top of the gym stairs in her Sunday best.  Near the end of the ceremony, she's called up for something like her 15th scholarship.  Two steps from the top, she tumbles down the stairs - all the way down.  After what seems like 2 minutes, she hits the floor and is knocked out cold.  Simultaneously about 400 staff, parents, and students gasp in horror; 2 - my best friend and I - bust out laughing.  Obviously very inappropriate, but I was 17 at the time.  I went home with multiple tongue, mouth, and hand bruises from trying to inflict enough pain so that I'd stop laughing.

[blacklab 12006]

Big sales meeting, probably 40-50 people in the room. 

Annoying marketing bitch talks for a while, saying absolutely nothing significant and repeating the same shit over and over.

In my best Homer Simpson voice I blurt out "I'm intrigued by your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter."

The 2 people sitting next to me and I can't stop laughing, everyone else is giving us a WTF? look. Luckily one of the two people is my boss.

 

[luke duke 6420]

Was at my friend's college graduation dinner with her whole family. The waiter dropped a tray full of drinks on a kid (uncle's girlfriend's daughter). The way the kid reacted put me over the edge and I couldn't contain myself.

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

So I was in a barbershop quartet once upon a time. Not great, but not bad, and I was still drinking at the time, so any excuse was a good excuse. Anyway, we had a performance at this benefit at a church, where there were several other acts we had to politely sit through before performing. One of which was a music historian who was performing solo on, and giving lectures about, various horned instruments used throughout the symphonic history of Austria.

We could not remain even remotely stoic when he started lecturing about the Vienna horn. See, he called it by its Austrian name -- the Wiener Pumpenhorn.

[Deej 77296]

I saw a movie once where Weiner Pumpenhorn came over to fix the cable.

[Knoxtnhorn 6179]

I just recalled a moment. I had gone back to college in 2010 to get my teaching degree.  One of the classes we had to take was a music class geared towards elementary students.  At one point, we had an assignment where we had to sing in front of the class.  I don't even sing in front of my wife or kids, so I was really nervous.  Just before I was randomly called up, one of my best friends/classmates locates the video of Bill O'Reilly loosing his shit on Inside Edition.  We were playing it quietly while someone else was presenting their song.  Sure enough, I get called right after we had watched this video.  I laughed, cried, hurled all the way through my presentation.

[Gil Bang 26121]

FUCK IT WE'LL DO IT LIVE GOTDAMMIT

[Knoxtnhorn 6179]

Yep.  That line approximately 5 seconds before I went in front of the class and had to sing.  What a disaster.

[Kennythetiger 9503]

Whenever an old person accidentally farts in public.  Especially if they don't even notice it.  And especially especially if there are kids around who start laughing too.

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2759]

At our church the seniors had to give the sermon on senior Sunday. I wrote mine that morning at breakfast.
My buddy goes first and we take communion between our speeches.
Older gent walks up to the lectern to say a prayer and bites it on the way up. We both lose it for quite a while. I’m still somewhat giggling on the way up and crush my sermon.

[Incredulity 11731]

After a particularly embarrassing HS football loss our red ass coach was rewinding and playing a particular play that included an offensive lineman doing a somersault after trying to block a linebacker. It wasn’t the part of the video he was focused on but after 10 rewinds and plays I couldn’t take it anymore any broke out in laughter.

Not sure how I made it out of that room alive.

[miguelito 11347]

As a kid, farting in church would get me and my mom laughing pretty good.

Remind me about the baby being held during communion. Too much typing on my phone. 

[Underdog 28891]

 

[miguelito 11347]

OK, so in the church I grew up in, we'd go up for communion and kneel at the railing as the pastors distributed the bread and wine.  Then pastor would announce "take and drink, this is..."

The next row of people would line up behind the people kneeling and wait their turn.

One time I was in the waiting line with the kneelers in front of me.  There was a young mom holding a sleeping baby right in front of me.  When pastor announced, extra loudly, "TAKE, and drink..." the baby was startled and twitched in his mom's arms.  I was fighting laughter all through my turn.  You ever see a baby twitch awake during communion because of the pastor?

 

 

[unoriginal 55]

At my father's funeral and the time comes for everyone to stand. I'm sitting in the front pew and need to push on something with my arms to be able to stand, so I push on the backrest of the pew. Everyone else in the pew has already stood up, so pushing on the backrest tips the pew backward, I catch myself, and the pew thuds back into place without tipping over.

My cousin in the row behind me sees this happen and the next time we're supposed to stand, he tries to inconspicuously hold my pew in place by standing right behind it and leaning into it with his legs to keep it stable. I don't notice him do this and swing my arm over the backrest to stand again, causing an audible "hhhhggggg" from him as I hit him in the balls.

I tried to think of anything else for the rest of the funeral, but had to suppress laughter/snorts every time I thought about it again. 

[Knoxtnhorn 6179]

When I was a junior in high school, my parents starting taking us to this non-denominational church near Downtown Dallas.  I had two bad moments at this particular church.

Once, my younger brother and I was up front, behind the preacher, as altar boys.  My high school friends and I had a thing where whenever we'd see an attractive girl, we'd whisper, "Breasts" to each other.  So there we are.  Brother and me.  Preacher is reading from the Bible.  I read ahead and, to my horror, realized he's about to say the word "Breast".  I go into panic mode.  There's no way in hell I'm getting through this unscathed.  I thought I was going to make it until the preacher said "Breast" and my little brother erupted.  It took 20 damn minutes to finally get over the convulsions and uncontrollable laughter.

Same church.  Easter service.  They did this thing where the first hour is somber, in the dark, no singing, just prayer and sermon.  Halfway through, the organ comes on, lights come on, and the 2nd half is joyous.  So in the first half, everyone is holding these homemade candles that have a cardboard cutout at the bottom so that wax doesn't drip on your hand.  I guess my youngest brother's - JamesLaw  - candle was faulty because right in the middle of dead silence, I hear him yell, "Ow SHIT!!!".  My middle brother and I had to leave it was so bad.

[Druggist 303]

When my daughter was 15 months old, we flew up to Vermont and then drove to Nova Scotia, which is at least 10-12 hours.  Just across the border from Maine, we stopped at a park/restaurant area for an hour or so to let the little one run around.  When getting back in the car, I noticed a high school aged couple about to eat sandwiches in their car next to us,.  They had their windows down and were not pulled all the way into the spot so our back door lined up with their front door.  

My daughter fought like hell as I tried to strap her into her seat.  It took at least 15 seconds or so and I lost track of my surroundings.  As I leaned over and struggled, I pushed out a huge, loud, disgusting fart right into this poor guys window right at his sandwich, surely ruining their lunch date.  My wife and I locked eyes when we realized what happened, slammed the daughter into the seat, and tore out of there without looking at the poor couple.  We then laughed historically down the road.

[Llano Estacado 1257]

7th grade tryouts for County League Baseball. After drills they line us up alphabetically by last name to hit the kids who were trying out for pitcher. There’s some routine of hit, base run, steal 3rd, get glove, outfield, infield, back to dugout to hit again.

The PA keeps calling out “break-ins” for specific positions kids want. Adams to field 3 to catch. Baker to field 2 to play 1st. Cook to field 3 to pitch etc. By chance I’m right next to my best friend alphabetically at this thing. Some kid with the last name “pecker” is trying out for seemingly every damn specialty position, but instead of announcing “pecker” the PA keeps saying “pecker jr” or “junior pecker.” We’re in hysterics at the plate, dugout, and on the field each time he’s name is announced, mimicking the PA baritone into our gloves. “Littlest pecker we need you to play.” “Will the kid with the smallest Johnson. Littlest Johnson to field 2”

The whole thing is bullshit cause we’re all just going to whichever team has most of our middle school or is coached by a friend’s dad. But all the dads are huddled up and bullshitting a few are taking notes and acting the part. Our dads instead of discouraging us and telling us to be serious have started smirking. The whole juvenile thing feeds upon itself all afternoon until my buddy and I are bent over in laughter as soon as the PA speaker cracks and our dads are red in the face. We lose it again the next year just remembering it.

To this day I can usually get an audible laugh from my dad 20 years later by saying, “crrrck Pecker Jr”

[Knoxtnhorn 6179]

Apparently, I have a lot of these.

First day back in college (to get my teaching degree).  You know how it is when there's a classroom of students that don't know one another...

Professor walks in.  Older lady.  She says, "Class.  I will be your government teacher.  My name is...."  As she is writing the name of the board... "Gay Lyons".  That was funny enough.  What sent me over the edge was hearing some random dude blurt out, "Did she just say GAY LIONS????"

[Dolemite 143]

Was speaking to a Cajun girl in a bar in NOLA and busted out laughing when she said her boyfriend had died because an 18-"wheeler" ran him over will he was walking on the side of the road in Venice, La.

[Kennythetiger 9503]

Well, that'll just about do it for today.

[Not a cat 5741]

4 hours ago, Llano Estacado said:

7th grade tryouts for County League Baseball. After drills they line us up alphabetically by last name to hit the kids who were trying out for pitcher. There’s some routine of hit, base run, steal 3rd, get glove, outfield, infield, back to dugout to hit again.

The PA keeps calling out “break-ins” for specific positions kids want. Adams to field 3 to catch. Baker to field 2 to play 1st. Cook to field 3 to pitch etc. By chance I’m right next to my best friend alphabetically at this thing. Some kid with the last name “pecker” is trying out for seemingly every damn specialty position, but instead of announcing “pecker” the PA keeps saying “pecker jr” or “junior pecker.” We’re in hysterics at the plate, dugout, and on the field each time he’s name is announced, mimicking the PA baritone into our gloves. “Littlest pecker we need you to play.” “Will the kid with the smallest Johnson. Littlest Johnson to field 2”

The whole thing is bullshit cause we’re all just going to whichever team has most of our middle school or is coached by a friend’s dad. But all the dads are huddled up and bullshitting a few are taking notes and acting the part. Our dads instead of discouraging us and telling us to be serious have started smirking. The whole juvenile thing feeds upon itself all afternoon until my buddy and I are bent over in laughter as soon as the PA speaker cracks and our dads are red in the face. We lose it again the next year just remembering it.

To this day I can usually get an audible laugh from my dad 20 years later by saying, “crrrck Pecker Jr”
 

At a baseball tourney last year, a player had the last name Strapon.  Every time he'd get on base, I'd giggle uncontrollably.  I was 48.

[gyroprotagonist 2595]

1 hour ago, Not a cat said:

At a baseball tourney last year, a player had the last name Strapon.  Every time he'd get on base, I'd giggle uncontrollably.  I was 48.

was his mom's name Peg?

[Doze 1322]

 

[Trey3216 15382]

I was on my bachelor weekend in Austin and we were trying to get into Antone’s to see Charlie Robison.  I had been drinking since about 8am and wasn’t in very good shape.  

 

My brother goes up to the doorman and asks and asks how much the cover is, and talks about who’s coming in.  Door guy says, “y’all are good, but that guy right there ain’t coming in.”   He’s pointing at me.  

 

I walk all up to him and say, “what’d I do man?” In my best REK voice.   He says, “ you’re swaying and leaning on people.”  

 

I look him dead dead in the eye and say “Man, I’m leaning on the promises of God.” 

My brother falls on the ground laughing, the door guy doubles over laughing and says, “that may be the best line I’ve ever heard, but you’re still not coming in.”

 

the very next Sunday at church, we sang that song.  I couldn’t handle it 

Edited March 25, 2019 by Trey3216

[Buffsoldier 1895]

CU - Arizona St. game a few years back.  Halftime comes, and the band is doing it's usual piss-poor thing.  Along with the flag team.  I say flag TEAM because it wasn't all girls.  One guy who was REALLY into his performance.

A buddy of mine 2 seats down exclaims, in that voice that's loud enough to be saying "I don't give a shit what other people think", but not so loud as to be TRYING to attract attention:
"Taking the 'L' out of 'flag'...."

I couldn't stop laughing until 2 minutes into the 3rd quarter.