Office pranks to play on office jackass

[Pato del Muerto 53369]

10 minutes ago, SydneyCarton said:

With that kind of attention, I'm surprised her best efforts to get you back wasn't to fuck the shit out of you, because that will show you. I got that response several times when I was single, and I wasn't even trying to get laid. One girl I just fucking couldn't stand. Anyways, apologies for the derail. 

If I was single or otherwise available, she might have. 

[SHOOTER12 8883]

Tie a sawed-off double-barrel shotgun to the vertical support of their chair, then run a string to a desk drawer something something something... Oh hell never mind.

[Longhornfan1024 1707]

Replace his shampoo with syrup.

[Greg Davis Apologist 213]

Just now, Longhornfan1024 said:

Replace his shampoo with syrup.

or Nair.

[Steamboat1874 4289]

Order a load of dirt and have it dumped in his driveway.

[Armybrat 41341]

6 hours ago, markstanco said:

https://www.ruindays.com/products/spring-loaded-glitter-bomb?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIq5-xiZyg4QIVl7XACh3u6gsqEAAYASAAEgKWBfD_BwE&variant=12317569155143

I bought this a year ago for my sales manager after he taped an airhorn to the bottom of my office chair. 

You a bad boy! Lol

[TrashMaster G 18042]

1 hour ago, Longhornfan1024 said:

Replace his shampoo with syrup.

He has a bottle of office shampoo?  Man, he is a jackass.

[CHIEF 5208]

If you could find some ipecac syrup to put in his coffee, could be a good show.

 

CHIEF

[Pato del Muerto 53369]

13 minutes ago, CHIEF said:

If you could find some ipecac syrup to put in his coffee, could be a good show.

 

CHIEF

And Imodium. To test how well the ipecac works. 

[Deej 77680]

Set his homepage to shaggytexas.com.

[markstanco 12774]

What kind of sick, twisted fuck would spend $20 on that and not triple the glitter for another $3?

Ha....just sent one again but this time to my BIL. Did the triple.

Downside, I cant say anything when it happens.

[Beau Vine 55844]

Schedule the house next door to his to have their tile redone, and tell the tile guys to park in front of his house.  

[hornimal 80]

twist the back rest knob on his office chair all the way to "-"

try not to lose your shit when his arms and legs flail helplessly as the tries to catch himself from falling backwards.

[pops 7125]

Or maybe he's the cool one and you're the asshole? 🤷🏿‍♂️

[TexArcher 38854]

I bet that guy is on Reddit right now asking them how to scam the prick in his office who won't shut up about the Longhorns.

[Kyrie Eleison 9312]

[BigHorn'13 3480]

The chewbacca thing got me

[Scheiss Meister 8455]

Glue a refrigerator in the middle of his driveway with JB weld.  Or several bricks, randomly spaced.

[Blotto 23978]

9 hours ago, ztejas said:

What kind of sick, twisted fuck would spend $20 on that and not triple the glitter for another $3?

splurge another .99 and you get

[Longboard Horn 41332]

On 3/26/2019 at 9:59 AM, Greg Davis Apologist said:

Anyone have any good pranks for April Fool's Day or any other day of the year? 

A few years ago I pulled a great prank on a coworker. We were getting off work (I worked fast food night shift at the time) and one guy I worked with was having problems with being short on money in his night drawer. We later found out that one of the night managers was stealing money from all the drawers because it wasn't just his drawer coming up short. Getting back on track, I tell him one morning as we're getting off of shift that I just came out of the office and tell him, "hey man, I think you just got fired. I overheard the GM saying that since your drawer keeps coming up short that he has to let you go because he feels that you've been embezzling money from the company." My coworker complains for a good 3 minutes. After he's done ranting, I tell him, "oh, one more thing..... APRIL FOOLS!" 

[Doze 1323]

On 3/26/2019 at 12:01 PM, HOOKEM4 said:

Ohh I almost forgot one of the best pranks we pulled. Took a small amount of stink bait and taped it under the desk way in the back behind a drawer. Not a bunch of it, you want them to get faint whiffs of it. 

We did this and the guy went to the store, bought a scrub brush and carpet cleaner. We found him furiously scrubbing the carpet in his office as he was sure the little spots of mud/dirt/old stains were actually shit.

This prank is winning.  

[bluto 4987]

When I worked with a that guy we ran fishing line from an office next door through the ceiling tiles and tied something light weight but heavy enough to make noise when pulled across his ceiling. Dude freaked the f out for days thinking a rodent was waiting to dive bomb him, calling everybody into his ofc to see if they heard it. 

 

He also wore his Mercedes benz (drove a c class) emblemed hat to our weekend meeting (busy season) so we all wore hats with paper print outs of our car emblems taped to them to mock him... first thing he says is "I did it first!"

Edited March 31, 2019 by bluto

[ztejas 44114]

13 minutes ago, bluto said:

He also wore his Mercedes benz (drove a c class) emblemed hat to our weekend meeting (busy season) so we all wore hats with paper print outs of our car emblems taped to them to mock him... first thing he says is "I did it first!"

That coworker? Lewis Hamilton. 

[mulletpelini 5220]

 

HAF

 

[ImissWallyPryor 9046]

On 3/26/2019 at 12:15 PM, VinyVango said:

put a dob of shaving cream (or another substance) in the concave area of the ear portion of his phone.  Call him.  Wait 2 days.  Repeat process.

We put a tiny piece of Scotch tape over the contacts on one guys office phone microphone. He removed the mouth piece cover to check the microphone, but didn’t see the tape. We were able to sneak back in to remove the tape before the maintenance guy arrived. We repeated this the next day.

That was 35 years ago. 

I had a boss who had a private shitter in his office (I kid you not). One three-day weekend, someone took a crap in it and didn’t flush. He interrogated pretty much everyone who wasn’t a 9-5er. 

[Armybrat 41341]

Mrs. Brat just had surgery this morning to remove a 3” diameter lump off her back.

i tried to find a little Alien action figure to put in a jar to show her what the doctor took out of said lump, but was unsuccessful in my search. Too bad, would’ve been a prime prank for  April Fools.

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4999]

On 3/26/2019 at 10:05 AM, AUS-97HORN said:

the classic move of taking a screenshot of his wallpaper (incl all the folders and exe files), making that screenshot his wallpaper, and then moving all the exe files and folders off the main screen into the virtual larger screen still works for a lot of people.

 

nothing funnier than watching a guy pound the mouse click button on exe or file folder that is actually just a screenshot, and watching them lose their shit.

Variation of this, but leave everything normal except a folder titled "gay midget porn" or something like that. Isolate it from the other icons on the desktop so it is noticeable to anyone who walks up to his desk. Eventually if he can't figure out what is wrong he will have to explain to IT that he has a gay midget porn folder on his desktop that he can't open or get rid of.

[Pato del Muerto 53369]

3 folders. Porn, deviant porn, and embezzlement fund docs. 

Edited April 1, 2019 by Pato del Muerto

[BigDHornfan 6625]

Fuck his mom

[Damor 1245]

Guy I knew had his gallbladder removed and was friends with the surgeon.  Coming out of anesthesia, he woke up to his surgeon buddy standing there looking forlorn and shaking his head.  He looked down groggily and saw an ostomy bag stuck to his abdomen.  Hilarity ensued.

[mulletpelini 5220]

6 hours ago, Armybrat said:

Mrs. Brat just had surgery this morning to remove a 3” diameter lump off her back.

i tried to find a little Alien action figure to put in a jar to show her what the doctor took out of said lump, but was unsuccessful in my search. Too bad, would’ve been a prime prank for  April Fools.

CSB a girl I went to school got pissed at me in 3rd grade and grabbed me by the neck as hard as she could, unknowingly injecting part of her fingernail into my neck which after 10 years had grown into a decent sized lump and had it removed.  Fast forward about 5 years and she moves into the apt above me.  We start talking and I remind her of the incident and she feels bad and yada yada yada I got to inject part of my DNA into her.

 

Fortunately, she never got a lump.

[Prepuce of Doom 21263]

Nebraska mating rituals sound complicated. 

[Pato del Muerto 53369]

1 hour ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Nebraska mating rituals sound complicated. 

It’s been documented on the Nebraska coeds website. 

[Moby Ric 2058]

When I worked in an office with a bunch of degenerates the usual prank was if someone left their computer for minute another would get on that persons email.  Then an email would go out company wide of that person expressing their massive homosexual love for another person in the office.  If there as time a pic of gay porn was included.  It would include things like how tight their pants looked today how last night was magical and that they were looking forward to their lunch rendezvous etc etc.  We eventually got in real trouble.

[NeverMarryAStripper 22251]

The HR lady would like to have a word with you

[Nivek 17363]

OP’s guy seems like he is on the spectrum.

[burntorangebongos 10809]

11 hours ago, Moby Ric said:

When I worked in an office with a bunch of degenerates the usual prank was if someone left their computer for minute another would get on that persons email.  Then an email would go out company wide of that person expressing their massive homosexual love for another person in the office.  If there as time a pic of gay porn was included.  It would include things like how tight their pants looked today how last night was magical and that they were looking forward to their lunch rendezvous etc etc.  We eventually got in real trouble.

Are you from the 70's?

[markstanco 12774]

When I worked in an office with a bunch of degenerates the usual prank was if someone left their computer for minute another would get on that persons email.  Then an email would go out company wide of that person expressing their massive homosexual love for another person in the office.  If there as time a pic of gay porn was included.  It would include things like how tight their pants looked today how last night was magical and that they were looking forward to their lunch rendezvous etc etc.  We eventually got in real trouble.

I'm going with you totally made that up. That's not a usual prank today or even 15 years ago without a lawsuit.

[Spartan52 151]

^ My current office I have a co-worker who jumps onto my computer if its unlocked and changes the lock screen/screensaver to a Manpower poster or something similar, I think its humorous...

[After irth 1245]

48 minutes ago, markstanco said:

13 hours ago, Moby Ric said:

When I worked in an office with a bunch of degenerates the usual prank was if someone left their computer for minute another would get on that persons email.  Then an email would go out company wide of that person expressing their massive homosexual love for another person in the office.  If there as time a pic of gay porn was included.  It would include things like how tight their pants looked today how last night was magical and that they were looking forward to their lunch rendezvous etc etc.  We eventually got in real trouble.

I'm going with you totally made that up. That's not a usual prank today or even 15 years ago without a lawsuit.

Eh...depends on the office. Not all places were PC and corporatized.....

[Moby Ric 2058]

This took place in a large construction field office in the early 2000's.  Not with a bunch of pussies like today.  HR was never involved, just the Operations Manager got wind of it through the IT dept and told us to knock it off or we would all be fired.