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Posted

So I’m at a casino in Tulsa ( not by choice)

And fucking satan is on the other side of the bar. So far I’ve just been giving him the stink eye. I want to go pee on his leg but my wife won’t let me.

 

What would y’all do.

Posted

I’ll PayPal you the price of 4 peach schnapps shots and a 100% tip for the bartender and $100 for you to defray your current tab if you send them to him, get the bartender to say “This is from SurlyHorns.com” and post the video. 

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Posted
3 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt said:

I’d enjoy getting drunk with him. I picture him telling some pretty good stories. 

Shit as popular as that fucker is there he’d probably get you a handy from the managers daughter

Posted
5 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt said:

I’d enjoy getting drunk with him. I picture him telling some pretty good stories. 

You're probably right.  

Posted
Fart in his general direction.


This...eat the most vile stuff you can find there and then crop dust him for the rest of the night.
Posted
Just now, Hate said:

 


This...eat the most vile stuff you can find there and then crop dust him for the rest of the night.

 

He's in OK surrounded by unwiped assholes and rotting teeth. It will probably improve conditions.

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Posted
36 minutes ago, Fondren & Main said:

Go talk to him you fucking weirdo.

 

19 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt said:

I’d enjoy getting drunk with him. I picture him telling some pretty good stories. 

He's pretty approachable, from what I heard.

Buddy at a newspaper I used to work at many years ago was out drinking when a colleague called him up and told him to get over to ____ ASAP. Buddy shows up and, lo and behold, it's Switzer. They throw back a few and buddy works up the nerve to ask for an autograph. Switzer grabs a napkin and writes,

Quote

To Lance,

Fuck you!

Barry Switzer

Buddy kept the napkin as a souvenir and was always happy to show it off and retell the story. Seemed plausible.

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Posted
28 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt said:

I’d enjoy getting drunk with him. I picture him telling some pretty good stories. 

 

21 minutes ago, Bullneck said:

You're probably right.  

The guy is fucking great socially and isn't gonna turn into some dipshit 'durrrrr, Texas sucks durrrrr'.  Say hi, and shoot the shit. 

Doubt any of you would ever admit it, but you'd love to bullshit and have beers with Barry over Mack.  Maybe milk and cookies with Sally...

 

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Posted
7 minutes ago, Braff Zacklin said:

 

He's pretty approachable, from what I heard.

Buddy at a newspaper I used to work at many years ago was out drinking when a colleague called him up and told him to get over to ____ ASAP. Buddy shows up and, lo and behold, it's Switzer. They throw back a few and buddy works up the nerve to ask for an autograph. Switzer grabs a napkin and writes,

Buddy kept the napkin as a souvenir and was always happy to show it off and retell the story. Seemed plausible.

I rest my case. 

Posted
2 minutes ago, ChiTownDoc said:

Doubt any of you would ever admit it, but you'd love to bullshit and have beers with Barry over Mack.  Maybe milk and cookies with Sally...

Mack would have orange slices though...which might come in handy depending on what you're drinking

Posted

I’ve met him out in Dallas twice.  He was pretty damn cool both times.  Very approachable.  One time I was with an ousux buddy and we saw him during Texas ou at ZaZa.  We were all pretty fucked up and he did a couple shots with us and hung out for a while.  Eventually, his PR handler had to come escort him outa there.  Other time was at the bar at Nick and Sams.  Just standing around drinking and shootin the shit with him and his people.  He’d have probably hung out with us all night if our table hadn’t been ready.  Fucker loves to drink from my two experiences.  I wanted to hate him but he was a pretty cool old bastard.

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Posted
Just now, Surly Bevo said:

Mack would have orange slices though...which might come in handy depending on what you're drinking

Meh, damn blue moon.  Get me some local swill if it has to be beer.  Otherwise let's stick to bourbon, scotch, whiskey...not necessarily in that order. 

Posted
5 minutes ago, ChiTownDoc said:

The guy is fucking great socially and isn't gonna turn into some dipshit 'durrrrr, Texas sucks durrrrr'.  Say hi, and shoot the shit. 

Doubt any of you would ever admit it, but you'd love to bullshit and have beers with Barry over Mack.  Maybe milk and cookies with Sally...

 

This ^

Posted (edited)

I would do what DKR would have done, and it sure as hell wouldn't have involved shooting the shit with him and laughing about all the shit he pulled off and got away with.

Edited by nunna yo bizness
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Posted
44 minutes ago, ChiTownDoc said:

Meh, damn blue moon.  Get me some local swill if it has to be beer.  Otherwise let's stick to bourbon, scotch, whiskey...not necessarily in that order. 

Blue moon fucking sucks and if you serve it with an orange slice you might as well call an Uber and go peg your boyfriend at that point in the night. 

If I ever meet Switzer in a public setting I don't want to remember anything after the 3rd drink

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt said:

I’d enjoy getting drunk with him. I picture him telling some pretty good stories. 

No shit.  I'd buy him a shot of whisky and ask him about Jerry Jones.  

Yeah, he's Satan, but don't you think Satan has better stories than Jesus?

Edited by Beau Vine
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Posted
45 minutes ago, Wiler77 said:

Honestly I thought this was a euphemism and I clicked on the thread expecting to read about his death.

That's kind of what I was thinking when I first read the thread title.

Posted

Yeah I'd be over there getting hammered with him. OU sucks forever and always but Switzer seems like he'd be fun to get hammered with and I'd love to hear the stories.

Posted
6 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

What a bunch of fucking benedict arnold dipshits on this thread. The fucking guy runs Texas down on television to this day. He drove the best coach Texas has ever seen to an early retirement due to his rampant fucking cheating. He ran the most outlaw piece of shit program in the history of the sport until Penn State and Baylor. He legitimately brought the institution of college football down 2-3 notches by cheapening it with his cheating, whether with his OC’s wife or with players from Texas or simply by lowclassing the fucking rank and file of the hallowed halls of the game. 

That considered, wait until he goes to the restroom, follow him into a stall with one of the cocktail drink swords you’re currently picking your teeth with, cut his throat from ear to ear with it and write “OU Sucks” on the walls and mirrors with his gushing blood. Fuck. It’s like amateur hour in here. 

Yeah, I'm sure everyone here agrees.  But have a couple drinks and hear some stories first.  

Posted

I'm with CTJ on this.  Though it feels fkn weird saying that.  Anyway wtf is going on here?  "Rather have beers with Barry over Mack", um no.  Weird way to end the day.  Switzer can lick a dirty asshole.   

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Posted
Just now, ChiTownDoc said:

Yeah, I'm sure everyone here agrees.  But have a couple drinks and hear some stories first.  

I’ve partied with plenty of colorful people and know how to have a fucking crazy time myself. You’re a biased dipshit on this and your opinion is both predictable and banal. Barry Switzer can die of gonorhea and rot in hell, and you are free to follow him there and join that party. I don’t need to wrestle pigs in order to say I’ve had a hell of a time. 

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Posted
12 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

I’ve partied with plenty of colorful people and know how to have a fucking crazy time myself. You’re a biased dipshit on this and your opinion is both predictable and banal. Barry Switzer can die of gonorhea and rot in hell, and you are free to follow him there and join that party. I don’t need to wrestle pigs in order to say I’ve had a hell of a time. 

Nah, I've had a beer with a few Texas legends in my time.  They were good people and pretty chill.  If you get this bent out of shape in 'real life' over sharing drinks with a rival I worry for  your mental health...then again your username is 'close to jumping'.  Anyways, you got me, touche. 

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Posted

That considered, wait until he goes to the restroom, follow him into a stall with one of the cocktail drink swords you’re currently picking your teeth with, cut his throat from ear to ear with it and write “OU Sucks” on the walls and mirrors with his gushing blood. Fuck. It’s like amateur hour in here. 



I should have gone with this option.
After I got my drink I flashed him the hook ‘em. He winked and smiled and will live another day.
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Posted
I’d enjoy getting drunk with him. I picture him telling some pretty good stories. 
I hate ND but I sat at a table with lou Holtz for 90 minutes once and I loved listening to his stories.
  • Like 2
Posted (edited)
2 minutes ago, markstanco said:
3 hours ago, DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt said:
I’d enjoy getting drunk with him. I picture him telling some pretty good stories. 

I hate ND but I sat at a table with lou Holtz for 90 minutes once and I loved listening to his stories.

WHY DIDNT YOU STABBED HIM 

DURRRRRRR

Edited by ChiTownDoc
Oh, and how the fuck did you understand him?
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