30 Rock

[Grandioso 2592]

 

We didn't land on Plymouth Rock! Plymouth Rock landed on Mars!

[henrygandorf 29192]

i never sleep on planes.  i don't want to get incepted.

[rage-a-holic 4402]

Jack Donaghy: "Kenneth, you're from Georgia, aren't you?"
Kenneth: "Stone Mountain, sir. Although, when the Parcells first came to America they lived in a town called 'Sexcriminalboat.' Do you think that's Cherokee?"

Edited April 16, 2019 by rage-a-holic

[Elvis 3371]

'I like when a woman has ambition. It's like seeing a dog wearing clothes' – Jack

[RoundRobin 828]

Liz: Why are you wearing a tux?

Jack: It's after six. What am I, a farmer?

[Js1 85389]

[Guest Lobo]

We'll all either be working for Kenneth, or dead by his hand.  

[UTGrad98 2280]

Don’t ever make me talk to a woman that old again. 

[Guest Lobo]

Well good luck pushing take off, then auto pilot, then land! 

[TriStone 1724]

Liz: Oh, I'm sorry. Are you on some subconscious level seeing this as me toying with your manhood?
Jack: Of course I am, I invented that. Boca 2012 ... you've seen the tapes!
Liz: What? No! I-I just--
Jack: You *are* being coached -- by me!
Liz: Sorry, Jack, I have to take this. Yes, may I please speak to pizza?
Jack: The fake phone call to buy time in an emergency? Classic Donaghy!
Liz: OK, fine, you got me. Game over.
Jack: No, no. This just levels the playing field. Going mano-a-mano against a real adversary: me. It's the ultimate game: Jack Donaghy, playing with himself. It's a Jack-off!

Edited April 16, 2019 by TriStone

[HornOnTheBayou 8931]

"Hey, dummy."

[henrygandorf 29192]

i'm-a the plumber, i'm here to fix-a the washing machine.

right this way, mr spoonatelli.

[RPM 26322]

[blacklab 11941]

It's not a Lemon Party without ole Dick!

[Grandioso 2592]

We used to call this the Jew room.

[BigOrange1 6442]

12 hours ago, Lobo said:

Well good luck pushing take off, then auto pilot, then land! 

think of this one every time i'm on a plane.

[BigOrange1 6442]

Dot Com: Yet another black superstar brought down by his personal life.
Jenna: Just like my favorite golfer, O.J. Simpson.

[Js1 85389]

1 hour ago, BigOrange1 said:

Dot Com: Yet another black superstar brought down by his personal life.
Jenna: Just like my favorite golfer, O.J. Simpson.

Continuity error. Jenna dated OJ. He killed Nicole thinking it was Jenna. 

Edited April 17, 2019 by Js1

[Grandioso 2592]

2 hours ago, BigOrange1 said:

think of this one every time i'm on a plane.

And when I'm walking through an airport terminal I always think of "herds of walking mozzarella sticks."

[Grandioso 2592]

You think I don't want to know what Pizzerina Sbarro's wearing?

[BBQ2Bayou 807]

 I once saw a baby give another baby a tattoo! They were very drunk!

[Stringer 1439]

My wife and I have been rewatching the whole series the last few months and it is just so good.  Even the later seasons were better than I remembered.  

[henrygandorf 29192]

would you like a glass of wine?

oh no thanks, there’s way too many phones in here. 

[Js1 85389]

[hornian 5219]

23 hours ago, BBQ2Bayou said:

 I once saw a baby give another baby a tattoo! They were very drunk!

A pack of stray dogs managed the McDonalds. They did a good job!

[RPM 26322]

Making it through a full twenty-four hours without making a single misstep is called Reaganing. The only other people who've ever done it? Lee Iacocca, Jack Welch, and—no judgment—Saddam Hussein.

[henrygandorf 29192]

and...i lied.  i have had five donuts today.

[Bill Lumbergh 7171]

"I don't know, but I have the entire liberal-media establishment at my disposal. The same manipulation machine that got people to vote for Barack Obama, and donate all that money after Rainstorm Katrina. I'm going to use that to find my dad a kidney."

[Southland 35]

"There's no link between diet and diabetes. That's a white myth. Like Larry Bird, or Colorado."

[qwertyu1234 496]

imgur

[henrygandorf 29192]

jack, the vending machine is broken.

i know.  i broke it.  it was the only way i knew to get you up here.

you bastard, i trusted you!

[HornOnTheBayou 8931]

On 4/17/2019 at 11:13 PM, BBQ2Bayou said:

 I once saw a baby give another baby a tattoo! They were very drunk!

The projects I lived in were named after Zachary Taylor, generally considered to be one of the worst presidents of all time! 

[austingirl 2191]

Never go with a hippie to a second location.

[austingirl 2191]

On 4/18/2019 at 8:14 AM, Stringer said:

My wife and I have been rewatching the whole series the last few months and it is just so good.  Even the later seasons were better than I remembered.  

Button classic!

Rewatching and forgot about this line:

"If I wanted to lick a hippie I'd return Joan Baez's calls."

[HornOnTheBayou 8931]

I found a nursing home off Maine's coast run by the same French company that oversaw Napoleon's exile. She will be treated humanely, but there will be no escape.

[RPM 26322]

 

[BigOrange1 6442]

here comes the funcooker!

[honolulu horn 6164]

"Synonym's just another word for the word you want to use."

-- Janey Jimplin

[honolulu horn 6164]

I'm cocoa for cuckoo poops. Is that how you say it?

[UTGrad98 2280]

It's the Japanese porn star diet. I only eat paper, but I can eat as much paper as I want.

[honolulu horn 6164]

Ron, I'm going to be constructive here. You should kill yourself.

 

[honolulu horn 6164]

Kenneth, you remember that kid in school that used to bully you? Well, I ate that goat. Because you and I are family.

[honolulu horn 6164]

The only celebrity I ever met was Evel Kenivel's motorcycle. And even that was just a picture.

[henrygandorf 29192]

this badge is a symbol of dignity, honor, and dramatized 1970's inter-ethnic california daytime motorcycle highway justice.

[HenryJames 66115]

I got a squeezer from an Indian girl on a bunk-bed, so I think I got the whole Harvard experience.

[HenryJames 66115]

Lemon, isn’t there a slanket somewhere you should be filling with your farts?

[HornOnTheBayou 8931]

18 hours ago, honolulu horn said:

"Synonym's just another word for the word you want to use."

-- Janey Jimplin

"Liz, take a lesson from Janis and practice some self-control."
"How far are you into that biography?"
"Not very."

[HenryJames 66115]

I did Big Sister in college. That little girl taught me how to use tampons

[honolulu horn 6164]

Sully Sulenberger? Yeah, I've met that guy. He's not that great. You know what a great pilot would have done? Not hit the birds. That's what I do every day. Not hit birds. Where's my ticket to the Grammys?

 

[honolulu horn 6164]

I love you, Jenna. I want to hogtie you and throw you in the luggage compartment of a Greyhound bus with only a bowl of dirty water.

vs

Jenna, here's your engagement ring. It's made of Liza Minelli’s baby tooth surround by diamonds that passed through a terrified Michael Kors.