What would you do different if you could do it again

[Guest]

48 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

Of course young me wouldn't listen to old me, I'd be like "shut up old man I know what I'm doing"  That's why this is a fantasy thread.

What would your answer be, Slorch?

I answered above.

Be a better freaking son-in-law so my Relationship with my MIL would have blossomed sooner.  Today is her birthday...she is in the final stages of Alzheimer’s and hasn’t clue who I am, or her own kids for that matter.  What I’d give for those early years to be right...

As for the big rocks and forks in the road in my life- no real regrets.  The journey has been incredible.

Edited May 15, 2019 by slorch

[Snake Diggity 4628]

I wouldn’t have listened even if older me had told me what to do, but here are my regrets:

Not embracing my creative interests more in my teens and early 20s.

Not putting more effort (and by that I mean any effort) into my studies/grades in college.

Not being more proactive in my career in my late 20s and early 30s.

Not getting to know my now-wife’s family better before I proposed.

Also, so far I regret having kids.  That may not be the case 10 years from now so I’d be hesitant to say anything to young me.

Generally, I’d tell my 20 year old self:

Take it easy on yourself, take it easy on other people.  Lower your expectations of people and life.  But otherwise, go for it; you only get to live once, so fuck it, there’s really nothing to lose in trying to be as happy and fulfilled as possible.  Pursue the loftiest goals you have.  Fight against apathy and laziness as hard as you can.  But if you don’t go for it, at least don’t obsess over your shortcomings.  

As for women, it’s fine if you fuck all those chicks, just try to be more careful of their feelings.  When you think you are ready to settle down, just make sure you know your potential in-laws very well, because after marriage and kids they become a huge part of your life and you need to be prepared for that.

[tantric superman 4668]

Chose Stanford over Naval Academy and West Point.  Then went to Stanford and fucked around, not taking advantage of the incredible resources and opportunities there. 

I think being an unimpressive student at Naval Academy would have served me better long term than being an unimpressive student at Stanford.  But in general the regret is that I simply didn't go find mentors and become more involved. 

The flip side is I'm pretty certain that if I had gone to an Academy I would have died in some freak munitions or boiler room accident, so still okay with how it worked out.

[BearSchlong 8128]

4 hours ago, Snake Diggity said:

Not getting to know my now-wife’s family better before I proposed.

This.  My ex wife's older brothers were estranged from her and each other.  Her dad died before we met and was so leveraged it threw what should have been a 8 figure estate into bankruptcy.  Then after we married her oldest brother shot her older brother and went to prison.  Seems they had lots next door to each other on what was previously the family homestead.  Older brother was burning leaves, and the smoke wafted over to the oldest brother's patio. He went inside, got a shotgun, shot his brother, and sat down on a stump and lit a cigarette while the other brother crawled inside and dialed 911 for an ambulance.

Oldest brother refused an attorney, explained to the judge that his brother "had it comin" and was promptly sentenced to TDC, where he remains after being released and then earning some additional felonies.  Older brother can still barely walk.

Whole family is eaten up with crazy.  Of course when we got engaged my family put out feelers to contacts in NE TX to find out their reputation, confronted me with the findings, and begged me to ditch her.  As did numerous friends that knew her in college.  Hardheaded me went through with it anyway.

Edited May 21, 2019 by BearSchlong

[tx 3 putt 77595]

Day one of my current career, I should have started a job log book - machinery, serial #'s, contacts, subs, brief job scope.

[High Plains Drifter 11054]

I would play golf instead of running track in HS. I would skip football completely and focus on swimming.

I would smoke less pot and climb more before I got too old.

I would not dive off that cliff at Pace Bend Park in HS with half a watermelon on my head conehead style and nearly rip my ear off my head.

I would learn to play the piano.

I would walk away from that one fight on dirty sixth.

OTOH, there is this one guy who ass I should have beat when I had the chance.

I would graduate with less debt.

I would have kids a little sooner. I'm too fucking old now (wrong side of 50) to have an eight year old.

I would tell my dad to stop fucking drinking and get his ass into AA.

 

Whatever, I can't complain too much. I've got a good wife, great kids, my health, no debt other than a mortgage, a job I (usually) like, good memories, life-long friends, and a I slayed my fair share of puss back in the day.

 

[Aqua Buddha 14625]

On 5/12/2019 at 8:06 PM, Gil Bang said:

Worry less about pussy and more about school and work. 

If you're successful, you'll have more pussy than you could hope for, and you won't have to work for it. 

Was about to post this.  My life turned out alright but I spent most of my teens and 20's dicking around chasing ass.  Had a great time, mind you, but I wish I would have taken college and my early career more seriously.  

[Knoxtnhorn 6067]

I was good, really good, at basketball.  I made my high school team shortly after getting accepted to UT.  My parents told me I had two options:  1) play bball and forego UT or, 2) get an after-school job, save $,  and go to UT.  I chose UT.  Always wondered what would have happened if I chose bball.  Not that I have any delusions of NBA or D1, but I probably could have gotten a scholarship at some small school.  As poor as we were, I don't know that my family would have let me turn down a scholie.

Coincidentally, bball screwed me more grade-wise than anything else once I got to campus.  The ability to walk across the street (Jester to Gregory) and play unlimited bball - at times with the UT team - was more than I could handle.  I often skipped class to play ball.

Edited May 21, 2019 by Knoxtnhorn

[Aqua Buddha 14625]

On 5/14/2019 at 7:47 AM, TwiceHorn said:

I'll make you feel a little better on the architecture thing.  First, some may not realize it, but it is a very rigorous degree.  Arguably (barely), the toughest major at UT.  Second, it requires a rather peculiar mix of scientific/mathematical aptitude and artistic talent.  Third, it can be a brutal career path that starts very slow (and low-paid) and may never pick up speed.

Finally, like art, you can have all the technical proficiency in the world, and a good bit of artistic talent, but if people don't like (or don't see) your designs, you won't enjoy the level of success you might envision.

This applies to most engineering disciplines as well.  And some artsy things like industrial design, even interior design and landscape architecture.

I thought I wanted to be an architect for a while, spoke to some architects, and realized a lot of the foregoing and majored in mechanical engineering.  No ragrets.

I recently had a meeting with a guy that is an architecture graduate from Tech (yeah, yeah).  He's an oilfield welder now.  Still designing and creating stuff, mostly tools for oilfield welders.

The wife (no pics) is an architect and I'd echo that.  She was a MARCH from UT and her starting salary back in the 90's was somewhere in the mid to high $20's.  Adjusted for inflation that's around $40K now and that's a difficult degree.  LOT of work and you really have to love it.  Her career turned out fine but it's one of the worst bang for buck degrees out there.  Licensing process is also difficult.

[Aqua Buddha 14625]

On 5/14/2019 at 10:40 AM, Lobo said:

Very true about architecture.  I wanted to be one up until high school when I learned maths were not my strongsuit.  Perhaps that's why I always identified with Larry David/George Costanza/Art Vandelay.  But the architect/planning firm i work very closely with, he tells me time and time again...there is no money left in being an architect.  Unless you can in on the development side.  So they're left to pimp themselves out, forego their full freight and get a piece of the development side instead.  It's been lucrative, but a tough row to hoe.  

Plus, have you looked at new buildings lately?  Nobody is paying for design anymore.  They ain't exactly paying for functionality either.  So here we are.  

 

On 5/14/2019 at 11:11 AM, Sbbruin said:

I can confirm the in my biz (commercial RE) architects are wildly underpaid for the quality of their work.  

 

On 5/14/2019 at 11:33 AM, Chewbacca said:

Not on the apartment side, they're not.  Rates have gone up by 4x since 2010 for similar projects.

 

On 5/15/2019 at 4:34 PM, Gil Bang said:

Medical guys charge a fucking fortune. 

Saw these posts later, too.  Architects with a very specialized niche (Mrs. Aqua Buddha) can do pretty well but those are few and far between.  Most of them at firms are woefully underpaid for their experience level.  Corporate architects do OK but you're not designing much at that point.  It was pure happenstance that the wife stumbled into the niche she did.

She wouldn't recommend architecture to anyone unless you truly LOVED architecture.

[Gil Bang 26057]

[Guest]

9 hours ago, tantric superman said:

Chose Stanford over Naval Academy and West Point.  Then went to Stanford and fucked around, not taking advantage of the incredible resources and opportunities there. 

I think being an unimpressive student at Naval Academy would have served me better long term than being an unimpressive student at Stanford.  But in general the regret is that I simply didn't go find mentors and become more involved. 

The flip side is I'm pretty certain that if I had gone to an Academy I would have died in some freak munitions or boiler room accident, so still okay with how it worked out.

Do you think if you had gained admission to an Academy, you still would have been an  'unimpressive' student?

 

There is a shit-ton of positive peer pressure to do well.

 

Your perspective is interesting, as Stanford is significant as hell.  My son is 2 years into his 5 year commitment and is counting the freaking days until he can leverage his WP education and now demonstrable leadership experiences into a much, much more lucrative career in the civilian world.  

He damned sure wasn't an overachiever at WP, although he certainly wasn't a shitbird, if they exist in that environment at all...  he loves leading /serving people.  He can't freaking stand the red tape and idiots running their own agendas...so his tolerance level for bullshit in the corprorate world is stout as hell.  and that's why I tell him he's instantly hireable.

He hasn't been enamored with that part of the Army, but has not shared any regrets in going to WP, even if he did miss out on the 'traditional' college experience, whatever that is worth.

[tantric superman 4668]

6 minutes ago, slorch said:

Do you think if you had gained admission to an Academy, you still would have been an  'unimpressive' student?

I'm torn on that.  I would have gone to USMA or Naval Academy right at the beginning of the Reagan years -- when competition to get into the service academies was very low.  I remember going to the physical exam part at Ft. Sam Houston and I was one of only a few people who could do more than 10 pull ups.  So I think physically I would have been up for the challenge and enjoyed that part, but I hit a math wall in college, and engineering would have been tough.  When all is said and done, to be able to learn leadership skill as well as how to repair a tank or a PT boat -- that would have been something I would have been really proud of.   So unimpressive compared to others but more confident in myself. 

 If I had stuck it out.

10 minutes ago, slorch said:

Your perspective is interesting, as Stanford is significant as hell.  My son is 2 years into his 5 year commitment and is counting the freaking days until he can leverage his WP education and now demonstrable leadership experiences into a much, much more lucrative career in the civilian world. 

Bingo.  That's what I didn't get.  Now granted, maybe it wasn't in me and that is what the service academies find in their cadets- -- maybe if it was in me I would have chosen that road in the first place.  Hard to know. 

[Dbeasy 15134]

This is a fascinating thread.

[tantric superman 4668]

8 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

Of course when we got engaged my family put out feelers to contacts in NE TX

You need "feelers" regarding anyone from NE TX?

[tantric superman 4668]

On 5/14/2019 at 11:03 AM, chesthair said:

-learned to speak Mexican

-learned to play the harmonica.  

 

thats about it.  

Not sure if I understand.  You learned the pucker method instead of the tongue block method of paying the harp, and now you regret it?

 

Edited May 22, 2019 by tantric superman

[tantric superman 4668]

On 5/13/2019 at 1:59 PM, Sandman said:

Dad knew the Air Force, front to back. I (now) trust his opinion on it. My USMC career ended very, very early due to injury and I feel like I could have avoided that in the Air Force. But 19 year old fucksticks don't think that way, all they know is the Marines are tough and badass, Airmen are dorks and losers. Who's the loser now? Spoiler: It's me.

My cousin Sammy, who we of course called Little Black Sambo when we were growing up, joined the Marines and I remember when he came back after a year or so he looked the same but he had this bizarrely huge forearms.  Like Popeye the Sailor forearms.  He was a tad fitter all around, but the forearms were like his hamstrings.

Anyway, I'm sure your a badass, and the reason your dad never told you "I told you so" is because he's a dork and a loser and your a fucking killer.

[Jkwellborn 6750]

This.  My ex wife's older brothers were estranged from her and each other.  Her dad died before we met and was so leveraged it threw what should have been a 8 figure estate into bankruptcy.  Then after we married her oldest brother shot her older brother and went to prison.  Seems they had lots next door to each other on what was previously the family homestead.  Older brother was burning leaves, and the smoke wafted over to the oldest brother's patio. He went inside, got a shotgun, shot his brother, and sat down on a stump and lit a cigarette while the other brother crawled inside and dialed 911 for an ambulance.
Oldest brother refused an attorney, explained to the judge that his brother "had it comin" and was promptly sentenced to TDC, where he remains after being released and then earning some additional felonies.  Older brother can still barely walk.
Whole family is eaten up with crazy.  Of course when we got engaged my family put out feelers to contacts in NE TX to find out their reputation, confronted me with the findings, and begged me to ditch her.  As did numerous friends that knew her in college.  Hardheaded me went through with it anyway.

I’m curious as to who they are now. Lol. I’ve got some crazy fuckers in my family, but they’re mostly out of jail at this point. They’ve slacked off on trying to kill each other.

[Rimbo 26165]

I would start and maintain a healthier lifestyle with lots more outdoor physical activity and better eating.

That alone would probably change the entire course of my life from graduate school on.

I fell into such horrible physical shape in my early 20s that I became clinically depressed. And with that began a long series of self-sabotage.

Also, get the girlfriend involved in the outdoor activities, too.

[South Austin 52636]

22 hours ago, Snake Diggity said:

Also, so far I regret having kids.  

Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say they regret having kids. Did they join ISIS or something?

[Patricio Swayze 17058]

Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say they regret having kids. Did they join ISIS or something?

Hahaha, this threw me off, but I let it go. I figured I don’t know everyone’s story.

[Snake Diggity 4628]

17 minutes ago, South Austin said:

Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say they regret having kids. Did they join ISIS or something?

Ha, no.  My kids are wonderful: beautiful, well-behaved, funny, everything.  But for me, the yoke of responsibility that goes with being a parent is nearly unbearable.  The amount of worry and stress I have been under since having kids simply hasn’t been worth it so far.  I just don’t feel like I was cut out to be a parent.  It has also put a huge strain on my marriage.  My kids are still very young, so I am hopeful that once they are a little older and more independent the experience won’t be so heavy and I will be able to enjoy it a little more.

[Patricio Swayze 17058]

I *think* I know what you’re saying (I have two daughters ages 4 and 2), but that still sounds weird. The way you are saying it.

[South Austin 52636]

21 minutes ago, Snake Diggity said:

Ha, no.  My kids are wonderful: beautiful, well-behaved, funny, everything.  But for me, the yoke of responsibility that goes with being a parent is nearly unbearable.  The amount of worry and stress I have been under since having kids simply hasn’t been worth it so far.  I just don’t feel like I was cut out to be a parent.  It has also put a huge strain on my marriage.  My kids are still very young, so I am hopeful that once they are a little older and more independent the experience won’t be so heavy and I will be able to enjoy it a little more.

I can understand having those feelings.  Even today, I struggle with my youngest child constantly cockblocking the attention of my wife (he's 8 and is still on my wife like a leach).  I could tell you it get's better when they're older and more engaging, more independent, less demanding, etc., but in some ways it gets harder with the level of energy required for your kids' growing list of extracurricular activities and the new territories of middle school and high school, and it's hard to put myself in another father's shoes. 

8 minutes ago, Patricio Swayze said:

I *think* I know what you’re saying (I have two daughters ages 4 and 2), but that still sounds weird. The way you are saying it.

But yeah, the concept of regretting having children seems crazy to me.  As tough as it can be, I can't imagine, and wouldn't want, a life without them.

Edited May 22, 2019 by South Austin

[Sandman 3419]

33 minutes ago, Snake Diggity said:

Ha, no.  My kids are wonderful: beautiful, well-behaved, funny, everything.  But for me, the yoke of responsibility that goes with being a parent is nearly unbearable.  The amount of worry and stress I have been under since having kids simply hasn’t been worth it so far.  I just don’t feel like I was cut out to be a parent.  It has also put a huge strain on my marriage.  My kids are still very young, so I am hopeful that once they are a little older and more independent the experience won’t be so heavy and I will be able to enjoy it a little more.

Those heavy feelings will still be there, it will just come from a different angle. My kids are almost 18, so now I worry about auto accidents, drugs, boyfriends, etc., instead of climbing trees or sticking a fork in the outlet. It sucks, I wish I was better at controlling my feelings.

[Brew 3049]

I’ve had a pretty good run, but I do regret not moving when the chance opened up about 15 years ago. My wife wants to move now, but even at 40 it’s too late to do it. My career is locked in at this point and I’m riding it through the next 15-20.

I also regret not taking a year off after HS and just fucking around working at the ski slopes or somewhere else. I married the girl I dated in high school pretty early on in college (20th is today actually), so I was pretty focused on getting out of college and started immediately after high school ended.

I’m also currently regretting this puppy I agreed to, but maybe he’ll start sleeping  better at night pretty soon rather that at my feet at 8 this morning.

[South Austin 52636]

4 minutes ago, Brew said:

I also regret not taking a year off after HS and just fucking around working at the ski slopes or somewhere else. I married the girl I dated in high school pretty early on in college (20th is today actually), so I was pretty focused on getting out of college and started immediately after high school ended.

Yeah, I wish I had taken a gap year, either after high school or between undergrad and law school.  But at the time I was focused on getting all my education out of the way.

[Patricio Swayze 17058]

Before I owned my studio I was offered a job in studio in DC, which I took. Midsize studio (biggest client was when weezer recorded some demos there). Right after I accepted the job, I got an offer from a very large studio in Hoboken with a ton of big name clients. I often wonder where I would be had I taken that job instead of the DC one. But since time is a flat circle and all the amor fati business, I guess I would still be sitting in a cube at an oil company with a wife and two kids.

[Nueces River Rat 5558]

1 hour ago, Snake Diggity said:

Ha, no.  My kids are wonderful: beautiful, well-behaved, funny, everything.  But for me, the yoke of responsibility that goes with being a parent is nearly unbearable.  The amount of worry and stress I have been under since having kids simply hasn’t been worth it so far.  I just don’t feel like I was cut out to be a parent.  It has also put a huge strain on my marriage.  My kids are still very young, so I am hopeful that once they are a little older and more independent the experience won’t be so heavy and I will be able to enjoy it a little more.

Hang in there man.  All I can say as a parent of a 21, 18 and 13 year old, the time flies by and with that you will be looking back and saying to yourself it wasn't that bad.  I think most parents on here with now older children can share a time or two they felt exactly the way you do.  There was a time I wished my wife and I would have spent a couple of years before we had our first kid and traveled the world and did some of those things we probably won't be able (physically) to do in few years when we will be empty nesters and our plans are to travel the world.  But we deferred on that and saved for such things as our first home, etc and with that the kids came soon after.  

I wound't trade it for anything now.  Especially right now with my 18 year old getting ready to walk the stage and all the graduation hoopla.   It's a milestone event where you look back and emotions flow both ways because you are proud and sad at the same time.   But while you are sitting at that ceremony you will realize did the right thing in deciding to have him or her and as they go to college and the "real world" and comeback to you for advice, then you will really see your venture into parenthood was worth it.   

[Brew 3049]

43 minutes ago, South Austin said:

Yeah, I wish I had taken a gap year, either after high school or between undergrad and law school.  But at the time I was focused on getting all my education out of the way.

I went through undergrad/grad school in 4.5 years and that was after blowing my first year in Knoxville. I took max hours every semester including summer to get finished while working and being married for over half of it, so my experience was a little different than most.

[Snake Diggity 4628]

46 minutes ago, Nueces River Rat said:

Hang in there man.  All I can say as a parent of a 21, 18 and 13 year old, the time flies by and with that you will be looking back and saying to yourself it wasn't that bad.  I think most parents on here with now older children can share a time or two they felt exactly the way you do.  There was a time I wished my wife and I would have spent a couple of years before we had our first kid and traveled the world and did some of those things we probably won't be able (physically) to do in few years when we will be empty nesters and our plans are to travel the world.  But we deferred on that and saved for such things as our first home, etc and with that the kids came soon after.  

I wound't trade it for anything now.  Especially right now with my 18 year old getting ready to walk the stage and all the graduation hoopla.   It's a milestone event where you look back and emotions flow both ways because you are proud and sad at the same time.   But while you are sitting at that ceremony you will realize did the right thing in deciding to have him or her and as they go to college and the "real world" and comeback to you for advice, then you will really see your venture into parenthood was worth it.   

 

Thanks.  I don’t want to be misunderstood; I love my children as much as any parent loves their children.  They are the greatest source of joy in my life.  Now that I have them, if you took them away from me, my life would be over.  But in assessing the experience of parenthood so far, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that for me the negatives have outweighed the positives.  The fun times and the joy I get out of watching them grow has not made up for the constant worry and stress of being responsible for them and wanting so badly for them to be happy and healthy, and that doesn’t even factor in the restrictions they put on your lifestyle and the stress they put on a marriage.

Im only a few years in, and I do think (hope) that small children are more stressful and needy than older children.  So I expect that in a few years not only will I be able to enjoy parenthood more, I will look back on these years fondly and view them more positively.

[RDCanecutter 26479]

3 hours ago, Snake Diggity said:

Ha, no.  My kids are wonderful: beautiful, well-behaved, funny, everything.  But for me, the yoke of responsibility that goes with being a parent is nearly unbearable.  The amount of worry and stress I have been under since having kids simply hasn’t been worth it so far.  I just don’t feel like I was cut out to be a parent.  It has also put a huge strain on my marriage.  My kids are still very young, so I am hopeful that once they are a little older and more independent the experience won’t be so heavy and I will be able to enjoy it a little more.

[Brew 3049]

1 hour ago, Snake Diggity said:

 

Thanks.  I don’t want to be misunderstood; I love my children as much as any parent loves their children.  They are the greatest source of joy in my life.  Now that I have them, if you took them away from me, my life would be over.  But in assessing the experience of parenthood so far, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that for me the negatives have outweighed the positives.  The fun times and the joy I get out of watching them grow has not made up for the constant worry and stress of being responsible for them and wanting so badly for them to be happy and healthy, and that doesn’t even factor in the restrictions they put on your lifestyle and the stress they put on a marriage.

Im only a few years in, and I do think (hope) that small children are more stressful and needy than older children.  So I expect that in a few years not only will I be able to enjoy parenthood more, I will look back on these years fondly and view them more positively.

Not to be a downer, but it’s all relative and I’m not sure it gets easier. The challenges get more difficult. With a baby you are more worried about you screwing them up, but you can still somewhat control it. With two right at teenage girls, I have to worry about the world screwing them up which I can’t control. Middle school is a lot different than what I remember with kids vaping, the crap they find on the internet, some already having sex and drinking, etc. It’s a different world and they have access to way too much of it. I wonder what the hell we’ve brought them into.

Edited May 22, 2019 by Brew

[Nueces River Rat 5558]

1 hour ago, Snake Diggity said:

 

Thanks.  I don’t want to be misunderstood; I love my children as much as any parent loves their children.  They are the greatest source of joy in my life.  Now that I have them, if you took them away from me, my life would be over.  But in assessing the experience of parenthood so far, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that for me the negatives have outweighed the positives.  The fun times and the joy I get out of watching them grow has not made up for the constant worry and stress of being responsible for them and wanting so badly for them to be happy and healthy, and that doesn’t even factor in the restrictions they put on your lifestyle and the stress they put on a marriage.

Im only a few years in, and I do think (hope) that small children are more stressful and needy than older children.  So I expect that in a few years not only will I be able to enjoy parenthood more, I will look back on these years fondly and view them more positively.

If you give them good direction early, they will do ok as they advance through childhood, teenage years and on to adulthood.   One thing I think some parents do and it becomes a giant issue later down the road when they are teens and young adults is being over protective and doing everything to keeping them from failing at something.    The best life lessons are learned from failures and the incentives to get better are born from those experiences.    Yes I had my share of sleepless nights and not being able to do things at the office because I had a hunch one of mind was going to fail at something or worse.  Fortunately and looking back, some of that was for nothing in the sense if they did fail or something didn't go their way, they picked themselves up and got back after it.  

The good thing about the restrictions on marriage is it will get better  because when they get older, they will want to participate in things that maybe your wife and you enjoy.   For example, we are long past the amusement park vacation stage and now they get excited about going to places which have historical significance, museums, landmarks, etc.    Don't get me wrong if a group of friends decide to go up to San Antonio to Fiesta Texas or wherever, they'll go and have  fun there.   But gone are the "do we have to go" responses if we want to do a quick two day trip to somewhere that doesn't have amusement stuff targeted towards kids.    And of course when they get to be 16-18, you can just leave them at home and you and your wife can go do your thing.  Plus at that age they get their DL and they can hold a job which is double bonus.  I loved the fact my kids played sports throughout. their school years while my youngest still has some year and she does band.  But I disliked the morning practice thing and waiting until 9PM to pick them up thing during football season.    Once they were 16 and they could get their DL, we were at the DPS office to get that baby taken care of.    Of course with all that it takes worries to another level like auto accidents which I have to deal with and a few other things,  But again much what will occur during those years as far as responsibility and picking themselves up are from the seeds planted in the early years.   In other words, embrace the suck now and it will pay off later.  

Edited May 22, 2019 by Nueces River Rat

[Aqua Buddha 14625]

I don't regret not having kids.

[South Austin 52636]

I definitely hear that more often, and it's not weird.

[Nueces River Rat 5558]

3 hours ago, South Austin said:

Yeah, I wish I had taken a gap year, either after high school or between undergrad and law school.  But at the time I was focused on getting all my education out of the way.

I think I would do the Euro Rail thing or whatever it was back in the early 90s'?  I know some people who did it back then.  But today's young ones have more Europe to see vs back then or at least a more modern Europe as it was tricky to get around some of the former Soviet bloc countries and of course you had a little civil war going on in the former Yugoslavia.  Plus they have the internet to help them book the Airbnbs and find out of the way hostels which are more popular vs back in the day as well.  

[Aqua Buddha 14625]

21 minutes ago, South Austin said:

I definitely hear that more often, and it's not weird.

People used to tell me I'd regret it even thought I knew I never would.  Still don't.

[Guest Lobo]

I can't believe it's 2019 in the Western Hemisphere and I still hear, "We had kids because we didn't want to be alone when we grow old.  It's nice to know you'll have someone to help take care of you."  

What a selfish load of bullshit.  

[Patricio Swayze 17058]

People used to tell me I'd regret it even thought I knew I never would.  Still don't.

I absolutely can not imagine my life without my kids now that I have them. They are the center of my world and if they were ripped away from me I would probably just off myself because the pain would be too much. However, had I never had kids, I absolutely know that my life would have been just as great and fulfilling, just in a different way.

[Aqua Buddha 14625]

3 minutes ago, Lobo said:

I can't believe it's 2019 in the Western Hemisphere and I still hear, "We had kids because we didn't want to be alone when we grow old.  It's nice to know you'll have someone to help take care of you."  

What a selfish load of bullshit.  

Most people that have kids end up alone.  Kids grow up and move on and that's in a good scenario.  What if your kid is a degenerate?

[Guest Lobo]

I agree.  Your kids should move on and start their own lives wherever the wind takes them.  I just know way too many people that feel the other way.  Not the topic of the thread, just a thought I had reading the last several posts.  

[DaysOff 7978]

Besides giving stock tips or giving myself a sports almanac, I’d let myself know that it’s going to be ok. We all have some dark times and simply having reassurance that there will be joy in the future means a lot.

I should print this out and read it every day. I'm a worrier. Always have been. 52 and still worry about stuff I have no control over or stuff I'm good at and have nothing to worry about. Don't waste a life worrying kids.

[HouTex 1894]

I would have taken a year off after undergrad and traveled the country.  Early in my career I would have taken more risks.  I would have delayed having children by several years. 

[Ollie Slatt 289]

2 hours ago, Snake Diggity said:

The fun times and the joy I get out of watching them grow has not made up for the constant worry and stress of being responsible for them and wanting so badly for them to be happy and healthy, and that doesn’t even factor in the restrictions they put on your lifestyle and the stress they put on a marriage.

Stress on the marriage from kids happens to everybody.  But you can be intentional about fixing some of the problems -- which typically come down to a lack of spending quality time together without the kids.  We have a standing date night every weekend (and a regular babysitter).  It helps a lot. 

[HouTex 1894]

Take this how you will, but on raising kids and seeing how ours turned out and how many of our friend's kids turned out, there's only so much you can do.  I've seen great parents end up with shitty kids and vice versa.  While it's no guaranty, the best thing you can do is make sure your kids avoid substance abuse.  And you do that, in large part, by making sure their peers are not into drugs and/or alcohol at an early age.  Depending on the school/town/city that can be extremely difficult or damn near impossible.  Another strategy is keep your kids busy.  Ours had constant activities during the school year--mostly sports--and then swim team and camp in the summer.  They never had much time to get into trouble.

[tantric superman 4668]

8 hours ago, South Austin said:

Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say they regret having kids. Did they join ISIS or something?

[tantric superman 4668]

3 hours ago, Aqua Buddha said:

I don't regret not having kids.

I started my first job after law school and the woman who started with me was a woman (OU law school grad) who was in the last stages of denying she was a lesbian.  She came out full force a few years later, and although I have enjoyed by two kids, she's traveled the world and lived pretty damn large -- two income childless gay couples have a bit of extra spending money than us folks with kids.

Especially in this overcrowded world, I could see being comfortable with the decision not to have kids.

As a guy, I never ever felt there was some biological or ethical force to have kids. 

To fuck like snakes, yes.  But not to have kids.

[tbone_ 14200]

Is this guy related to Pat?

[52-80 19271]

2 hours ago, HouTex said:

Take this how you will, but on raising kids and seeing how ours turned out and how many of our friend's kids turned out, there's only so much you can do.  I've seen great parents end up with shitty kids and vice versa.  While it's no guaranty, the best thing you can do is make sure your kids avoid substance abuse.  And you do that, in large part, by making sure their peers are not into drugs and/or alcohol at an early age.  Depending on the school/town/city that can be extremely difficult or damn near impossible.  Another strategy is keep your kids busy.  Ours had constant activities during the school year--mostly sports--and then swim team and camp in the summer.  They never had much time to get into trouble.

you'll never guess what goes on at band camp