Ouchies

[bernorange 8,385]

Hello aloe vera, my old friend
I've come to rub on you again
Because a sunburn softly, creeping
Left its marks while I was outdoors drinking
And my hammock, that was parked in tree shade... still sways
Within the hail of UV light

[South Austin 53,220]

I once tried to masturbate using aloe vera. Do not recommend.

[SquishMitten 10,496]

You’ve gotta cut the thorns off first

[South Austin 53,220]

Things I wish I had known . . . .

[Ten Bears 2,500]

I jerked it once after cutting up shitload of jalapenos for salsa and forgetting to wash my hands.  One of the worse pains of my life.  I puked.

[Walden Ponderer 12,639]

1 minute ago, Ten Bears said:

I jerked it once after cutting up shitload of jalapenos for salsa and forgetting to wash my hands.  One of the worse pains of my life.  I puked.

Sounds like how you make salsa in aggyland, actually. 

[Ten Bears 2,500]

Aaand I just puked again.

[SquishMitten 10,496]

4 hours ago, Ten Bears said:

I jerked it once after cutting up shitload of jalapenos for salsa and forgetting to wash my hands.  One of the worse pains of my life.  I puked.

Pussy

[DoobieWah 1,535]

On 5/26/2019 at 5:07 PM, Ten Bears said:

I jerked it once after cutting up shitload of jalapenos for salsa and forgetting to wash my hands.  One of the worse pains of my life.  I puked.

 

You've given more eloquent speeches.

[Armybrat 41,391]

Sumbitches will probably start putting fern plants in the restaurants  and sprouts on the burgers

[Armybrat 41,391]

2 hours ago, Armybrat said:

Sumbitches will probably start putting fern plants in the restaurants  and sprouts on the burgers

Gottdamnit, that was supposed to go in the Whataburger sold to Chicago yankees thread in the Daily Texan forum.

[TKthunder2 5,059]

On 5/26/2019 at 5:07 PM, Ten Bears said:

I jerked it once after cutting up shitload of jalapenos for salsa and forgetting to wash my hands.  One of the worse pains of my life.  I puked.

Once fingered a girl after eating a bunch of well seasoned crawfish.  She did not enjoy it.