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The Southern Baptist Convention's woes

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RDCanecutter

RDCanecutter 26252

Posted
Posted
41 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Catholics always have booze.

Apparently in the Secret Past of the Baptists, they were hard-drankin frontier folk who were once Methodist, Presbyterian, or Episcopal, but had shot or run off any seminary types and thus morphed into something new, where your preacher would be whoever "felt the call."

(This is not unlike how the Norse did it in the wayback. Atavism, or just wanting to takke a potshot at the parson?)

I was told that in old Texas, Baptist congregations paid their preachers in moonshine. Then came Prohibition, and the Baptists randomly decided THAT would be the law they would honor the most.

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RDCanecutter

RDCanecutter 26252

Posted
Posted (edited)
2 minutes ago, Chad Fuck said:

There are two kinds of liars.  

Those who say they don't. 

And those who say they quit.

Oh yeah, I wanked like a spider monkey. Hell I'm doing it right now.

What I meant is, Onan didn't ever get around to the horizontal dance. I did.

Edited by RDCanecutter
go way. batin.
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formermav43

formermav43 4599

Posted
Posted
6 minutes ago, RDCanecutter said:

Oh yeah, I wanked like a spider monkey. Hell I'm doing it right now.

What I meant is, Onan didn't ever get around to the horizontal dance. I did.

Onan actually did do the horizontal dance if you read the story. The problem is he pulled out. “Onanism” is a misnomer.

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Asithappens

Asithappens 974

Posted
Posted

I've never seen the appeal of being a Southern Baptist: virulent racism, backwards views on dancing and alcohol. I never got the impression they appealed to the, let's say, intellectual crowd. 

But it's a private club and if that's your thing, then go for it.

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Chad Fuck

Chad Fuck 17564

Posted
Posted
Just now, Asithappens said:

I've never seen the appeal of being a Southern Baptist: virulent racism, backwards views on dancing and alcohol. I never got the impression they appealed to the, let's say, intellectual crowd. 

But it's a private club and if that's your thing, then go for it.

Well, I can only speak for East Texas.  But there, they pretty much have the market cornered on hot, dumb blondes.  I think over half our cheerleaders went to the First BC.  

So I had to stop in and check it out every once in a while.

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RDCanecutter

RDCanecutter 26252

Posted
Posted
4 minutes ago, Chad Fuck said:

Well, I can only speak for East Texas.  But there, they pretty much have the market cornered on hot, dumb blondes.

This. Plus, the churches serve as havens for obviously closeted gay dudes who just love the Lord when they're just praying and just full of love and fellowship for the word "just."

Gives the room a sort of bizarre tingly electricity.

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Pescado_Rojo

Pescado_Rojo 19331

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Brisketexan said:

Baptists serve bland food at their potlucks.

So do Presbyterians and Methodists, generally speaking.

Catholics always have booze.  The food can be pretty good, if it's a heavily hispanic congregation.

But for the best grub.....man, spend a Sunday at an A.M.E. church.  

Theologically speaking, I mostly judge the denominations by the quality of their potlucks and the attractiveness of my pew-mates.  It may not be the most theologically sound approach, but it works for me.

The problem with AME churches is you'll starve to death before you get to eat. They go looooonng. 

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Chad Fuck

Chad Fuck 17564

Posted
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31 minutes ago, RDCanecutter said:

This. Plus, the churches serve as havens for obviously closeted gay dudes who just love the Lord when they're just praying and just full of love and fellowship for the word "just."

Gives the room a sort of bizarre tingly electricity.

To each their own, I suppose.

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Asithappens

Asithappens 974

Posted
Posted

I just have a natural antipathy to groups who insist they "know" the "true" way, that their version of the "truth" is the only one.

Baptists seem to be like that. But then, so do a lot of other fundamentalist religions. In fact, all of them are like that or they wouldn't be fundamentalist.

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atomheartbevo

atomheartbevo 89416

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, RDCanecutter said:

Apparently in the Secret Past of the Baptists, they were hard-drankin frontier folk who were once Methodist, Presbyterian, or Episcopal, but had shot or run off any seminary types and thus morphed into something new, where your preacher would be whoever "felt the call."

(This is not unlike how the Norse did it in the wayback. Atavism, or just wanting to takke a potshot at the parson?)

I was told that in old Texas, Baptist congregations paid their preachers in moonshine. Then came Prohibition, and the Baptists randomly decided THAT would be the law they would honor the most.

Difference between a Methodist and a Baptist, is the Methodists will at least greet one another in the liquor store.

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RDCanecutter

RDCanecutter 26252

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, atomheartbevo said:

Difference between a Methodist and a Baptist, is the Methodists will at least greet one another in the liquor store.

I chaperoned a bunch of Baptist kids to Costa Rica. They would flock to the local bar like flies on road-kill. One night we were in a town that I noticed, from daytime recon, was nothing but a mile-long row of clubs, with our hotel about a quarter mile away. It is likely that the kids did not realize that. Anyway, at this hotel they had a little bar was outside my hotel room, and I heard all the kids in there, drinking.

I knew if they saw me, Baptist-style they would flee into the night, find the mile-long row of clubs, get drunk/drugged/raped/murdered/married/drag back in over the next three days, and I personally would find it inconvenient trying to claim my stipend when I showed up at the airport with coffins.

So I walked in on them, and while they froze, I bought a beer en botella weyyy, slugged it down, and said:

"Ah! We are lucky-- I walked all over this town today, and this is the only bar worth going to."

I lied I lied I lied.

As I fell asleep, I could hear them, still in there.

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Onboard 2.0

Onboard 2.0 9083

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, RDCanecutter said:

I chaperoned a bunch of Baptist kids to Costa Rica. They would flock to the local bar like flies on road-kill. One night we were in a town that I noticed, from daytime recon, was nothing but a mile-long row of clubs, with our hotel about a quarter mile away. It is likely that the kids did not realize that. Anyway, at this hotel they had a little bar was outside my hotel room, and I heard all the kids in there, drinking.

I knew if they saw me, Baptist-style they would flee into the night, find the mile-long row of clubs, get drunk/drugged/raped/murdered/married/drag back in over the next three days, and I personally would find it inconvenient trying to claim my stipend when I showed up at the airport with coffins.

So I walked in on them, and while they froze, I bought a beer en botella weyyy, slugged it down, and said:

"Ah! We are lucky-- I walked all over this town today, and this is the only bar worth going to."

I lied I lied I lied.

As I fell asleep, I could hear them, still in there.

Welllll ain't you the messiah.

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Mole

Mole 4320

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, workswithseed said:

I'm over here just being a Church of Christ member.

3 Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,     praise him with the harp and lyre,

4 praise him with timbrel and dancing,     praise him with the strings and pipe,

5 praise him with the clash of cymbals,     praise him with resounding cymbals.

FIFY

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cactusflinthead

cactusflinthead 27594

Posted
Posted

It is unclear how much influence Mr Greear wields over the convention’s disparate parts. It is also not obvious how, in practical terms, he can expect to wean his brethren off party politics without revising the tenets of the 1979 resurgence, which he claims to support. So long as Southern Baptists put fighting abortion and gay rights before the acts of grace and social justice they once gave equal billing to, they have only one party to support: the Republicans, whose shrinking, white coalition is the future they are trying to escape. Mr Greear can clearly see that looming cliff-edge. He just cannot bring himself to hit the brake.◼

Yeah, it's probably not happening. That's exactly why I stopped attending. I started going elsewhere. 

It's too bad Escriva is not here to retort that evangelical voters are the most ethical. 

What the hell am I doing?

It's not bad! It's great that he's not here with his army of strawmen, his impermeable wall of BS, and his stubborn refusal to answer the fucking question. 

Nope. I don't miss that shit even a little. 

Sack might be along to hold up the banner of the SBC. Pretty soon the SBC will be down to the Sacks,  Tahoes, and Escrivas. Some of their progeny might leave, but bitter and angry men will continue to have a church home.

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cactusflinthead

cactusflinthead 27594

Posted
Posted
3 minutes ago, Aqua Buddha said:

Wulaw was the one quick to tell us how principled evangelicals were.  In reality, they're the most pliable group in all of American politics.  

Yep. I stand corrected. I forgot about him. And it's funny how Escriva's politics fits in better with the SBC than the Catholic church. 

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F250

F250 28682

Posted
Posted
37 minutes ago, cactusflinthead said:

It is unclear how much influence Mr Greear wields over the convention’s disparate parts. It is also not obvious how, in practical terms, he can expect to wean his brethren off party politics without revising the tenets of the 1979 resurgence, which he claims to support. So long as Southern Baptists put fighting abortion and gay rights before the acts of grace and social justice they once gave equal billing to, they have only one party to support: the Republicans, whose shrinking, white coalition is the future they are trying to escape. Mr Greear can clearly see that looming cliff-edge. He just cannot bring himself to hit the brake.◼

Yeah, it's probably not happening. That's exactly why I stopped attending. I started going elsewhere. 

It's too bad Escriva is not here to retort that evangelical voters are the most ethical. 

What the hell am I doing?

It's not bad! It's great that he's not here with his army of strawmen, his impermeable wall of BS, and his stubborn refusal to answer the fucking question. 

Nope. I don't miss that shit even a little. 

Sack might be along to hold up the banner of the SBC. Pretty soon the SBC will be down to the Sacks,  Tahoes, and Escrivas. Some of their progeny might leave, but bitter and angry men will continue to have a church home.

The SBC purge happened nearly two generations ago. The last major purge of "liberal" Southern Baptists was in the late 80's. There is no opposition in the SBC, there is nobody left to stand up because they were sent packing decades ago. These articles come out every year when the convention is held and its evident that the SBC drove off the cliff a long time ago and there is no coming back.

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cactusflinthead

cactusflinthead 27594

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Just now, F250 said:

The SBC purge happened nearly two generations ago. The last major purge of "liberal" Southern Baptists was in the late 80's. There is no opposition in the SBC, there is nobody left to stand up because they were sent packing decades ago. These articles come out every year when the convention is held and its evident that the SBC drove off the cliff a long time ago and there is no coming back.

I largely agree. I'd push it back to the 70s. That's when it started. Running off Dr. Dilday from the seminary didn't happen until they had the power to do it.

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 104596

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Posted
Or why are baptists so opposed to sex? Because it might lead to dancing. Although my very conservative Southern Baptist grandmother used to go out dancing with my grandfather when they were younger.

That’s a weird way to tell us that your granny was a tramp.
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Tom

Tom 2959

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Posted

I used to think Footloose was an exaggeration until I went to a wedding at the Southwestern Baptist Seminary.  

No dancing at all at the reception.  It wasn't allowed.  We even had to sneak in our own booze.

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Texas73

Texas73 420

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Mole said:

3 Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,     praise him with the harp and lyre,

4 praise him with timbrel and dancing,     praise him with the strings and pipe,

5 praise him with the clash of cymbals,     praise him with resounding cymbals.

FIFY

The Church of Christ doesn't use any Old Testament quotes on how to worship. 

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Mole

Mole 4320

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Posted
12 minutes ago, Texas73 said:

The Church of Christ doesn't use any Old Testament quotes on how to worship. 

I get how they come to their conclusions, but they don't make any sense. It never made sense to me how they could sing something (surely they'd have no problem singing Psalm 150) but not actually do the thing they sing about. So I can sing "praise Him with the sounding trumpet" but I better not actually play a trumpet while doing so. It's a bizarre game of mental gymnastics.

The early church avoided instrumental music (which is what much of the Church of Christ's argument falls on) in part to distinguish themselves from other contemporary practices but they had to jump through some funky theological hoops to ignore things like Psalm 150. The early church basically ended up embracing some strange metaphorical interpretations of any instrumental references in the Old Testament. 

But this is distracting from the Baptist sex abuse problem and their desire for worldly power, which is more important and more troubling.

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Zepol87

Zepol87 9171

Posted
Posted

Who are the ones that wear long skirts? I had a neighbor growing up that always wore that.. whole family was weird. All the kids ended up strung out on meth and heroin. The dad evidently had a few wives across the country also. That family was fucked but they loved their lord

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workswithseed

workswithseed 2036

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

Or why are baptists so opposed to sex? Because it might lead to dancing. Although my very conservative Southern Baptist grandmother used to go out dancing with my grandfather when they were younger.

See, at least us in the CoC dance. 

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CooterBrown

CooterBrown 17905

Posted
Posted
Who are the ones that wear long skirts? I had a neighbor growing up that always wore that.. whole family was weird. All the kids ended up strung out on meth and heroin. The dad evidently had a few wives across the country also. That family was fucked but they loved their lord

Probably Mennonite.
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Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, Zepol87 said:

Who are the ones that wear long skirts? I had a neighbor growing up that always wore that.. whole family was weird. All the kids ended up strung out on meth and heroin. The dad evidently had a few wives across the country also. That family was fucked but they loved their lord

Sooners?

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formermav43

formermav43 4599

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, workswithseed said:

See, at least us in the CoC dance. 

Man, I don’t know where you are a member, but let’s just say that’s not a universal position.

Also points out why it’s problematic to declare THE position of a decentralized group who values congregational autonomy. 

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28710

Posted
Posted
7 hours ago, Zepol87 said:

Who are the ones that wear long skirts? I had a neighbor growing up that always wore that.. whole family was weird. All the kids ended up strung out on meth and heroin. The dad evidently had a few wives across the country also. That family was fucked but they loved their lord

Long skirts and multiple wives? Sounds like Mormons. 

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Chad Fuck

Chad Fuck 17564

Posted
Posted
9 hours ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

Or why are baptists so opposed to sex? Because it might lead to dancing. Although my very conservative Southern Baptist grandmother used to go out dancing with my grandfather when they were younger.

Did she tell you how you shouldn't ougthen to do what she done?

I always loved it when the olds would tell the youngs they shouldn't drink/fuck/dance once they'd had their fill and checked themselves out of the drink/fuck/dance game.  That was always a real knee slapper.  

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SimonBolivar

SimonBolivar 10915

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, CooterBrown said:


Probably Mennonite.

We have an independent Mennonite style compound north of Waco and they are rich as fuck. They've always been super friendly to me and they haven't ever tried to convert me, but there are some dark rumors that go around. They've become so successful they have branches in Idaho and Mexico now. Nobody alert the ATF.

 

As kids we'd go on field trips to see how they live and make their crafts. They have a damn good restaurant out there too that is the highest rated in the Waco area.

https://www.yelp.com/biz/cafe-homestead-waco

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Post Oak

Post Oak 20184

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Posted
3 minutes ago, SimonBolivar said:

We have an independent Mennonite style compound north of Waco and they are rich as fuck. They've always been super friendly to me and they haven't ever tried to convert me, but there are some dark rumors that go around. They've become so successful they have branches in Idaho and Mexico now. Nobody alert the ATF.

 

As kids we'd go on field trips to see how they live and make their crafts. They have a damn good restaurant out there too that is the highest rated in the Waco area.

https://www.yelp.com/biz/cafe-homestead-waco

I've been interested in taking my kids out there when they have those festival type events but was worried about the vibe.  Plus some of their woodworking and iron forge products look amazing.

Good to know about the restaurant.  

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Zepol87

Zepol87 9171

Posted
Posted
7 hours ago, Fudge Nuggets said:

Pentecostals perhaps? 

This sounds right

1 hour ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Long skirts and multiple wives? Sounds like Mormons. 

The multiple wives wasn't an allowed thing. He just got caught. 

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SimonBolivar

SimonBolivar 10915

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Posted
2 minutes ago, Post Oak said:

I've been interested in taking my kids out there when they have those festival type events but was worried about the vibe.  Plus some of their woodworking and iron forge products look amazing.

Good to know about the restaurant.  

I do a lot of business with them and there is a bit of a hey you're an outsider vibe, but never had any problems with them and they've always been really honest.

 

 

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 104596

Posted
Posted
17 minutes ago, Mojo Hand said:

For what shall it profit a church, if it should gain the whole government, but lose its own soul?

Well, being that the denomination was founded in a rift over slavery (the Southern Baptist being the pro-slavery result).....the question of whether the denomination ever had a soul is open.

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28710

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Posted
45 minutes ago, SimonBolivar said:

We have an independent Mennonite style compound north of Waco and they are rich as fuck. They've always been super friendly to me and they haven't ever tried to convert me, but there are some dark rumors that go around. They've become so successful they have branches in Idaho and Mexico now. Nobody alert the ATF.

 

As kids we'd go on field trips to see how they live and make their crafts. They have a damn good restaurant out there too that is the highest rated in the Waco area.

https://www.yelp.com/biz/cafe-homestead-waco

What is a "Mennonite style compound?"

Are they Mennonites or not?

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