Help me evict a family

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4977]

11 minutes ago, ztejas said:

I was going to make another comment then I realized that we're arguing about the mortality rate of relocating raccoons from urban areas.

 

The mortality rate of a .22 to the head is much better.

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4977]

9 minutes ago, Errestaurants said:

Lol. No please keep going! This is really happening. 

You should go back to swapping your neighbors cows around to see if they notice.

[Soldierhorn 206]

19 minutes ago, ztejas said:

I was going to make another comment then I realized that we're arguing about the mortality rate of relocating raccoons from urban areas.

 

This is important bidness... 

[Errestaurants 2570]

My daughter loves her coon hat.

Sent from my SM-G973U using Tapatalk

[ztejas 43537]

Post that last one over at TexAgs. See what they rate it. 

[Soldierhorn 206]

GOOD PICs!  Obviously, the coon was left handed.  

WRT the clasps trap: have you tried burying the clasp about 4 inches, then covering it with a piece of plywood (maybe 2'x2') with about a 1" or hole over the trap and some dirt on top of the plywood?  it's a poor man's version of a dog trap.  Put bait on the claps, cover with wood w/hole over trap, cover wood with dirt/leaves/grass/straw, pour sardine juice (sardines in oil works) on the dirt around the hole. when the critter puts his hand through the hole in the plywood to get the bait, there's a good chance he will trigger the trap. 

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4977]

Another reason not to use a live trap:

Or maybe that's an argument in favor depending on your disposition.

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4977]

Or you could always try giving them cotton candy to laugh at their misfortune.

[immortal13 4059]

1 hour ago, ztejas said:

I was going to make another comment then I realized that we're arguing about the mortality rate of relocating raccoons from urban areas.

 

Everyone has to have a cause, bro. Even dumbfucks

[Armybrat 40908]

Just shoot the annoying little assholes and be done with it.

[dcbc 14509]

We used to have raccoons the size of Volkswagens get into my parents' attic when I was a kid.  Live trapped those big bastards one-by-one.  and sealed off points of entry as they were created. 

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4977]

2 hours ago, dcbc said:

We used to have raccoons the size of Volkswagens get into my parents' attic when I was a kid.  Live trapped those big bastards one-by-one.  and sealed off points of entry as they were created. 

Volkswagens you say?

@RDCanecutter...

[Sandman 3412]

OP should just go down to his local redneck bar and talk loudly about the "damn coons" that are causing problems on his property. He'll have tons of help in no time. 

[El Diablo 4232]

What's the groundspeed velocity of an unladen raccoon?

[Fuck Tim Beck 3834]

36 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

What's the groundspeed velocity of an unladen raccoon?

Catapult or trebuchet? 

[Hornius Emeritus 12487]

Fox urine or coyote urine. You can get it at Academy. Get some cotton balls, soak them in fox urine, and throw those all over the place in the impacted area. The raccoons smell a predator and they don't want their young to be eaten, so they move along.  This is how I did it when they got into my attic. Some people say that it doesn't work but it worked three different times in my case.  You can also get it in dry form.  Somebody once told me that coyote urine is better. 


 

[NeverMarryAStripper 21921]

How smart can a raccoon be if it believed that a fox was in you attic

[Soldierhorn 206]

47 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

How smart can a raccoon be if it believed that a fox was in you attic

a coyote that works for ACME can do it and dont try to tell me my childhood was a lie 'cus I'm not hearin' it

[Errestaurants 2570]

Holy shit. This thread keeps delivering. Now we are on to coyote urine. 

Wouldn't humans be the apex predator to the raccoons? So the OP should just piss everywhere. 

Edited June 27, 2019 by Errestaurants

[Deej 76917]

3 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

How smart can a raccoon be if it believed that a fox was in you attic

The fox learned how to use a spiral staircase from the coyote. 

[El Diablo 4232]

Remember the video of the guy that made the glitter bomb for the package thieves? Yeah OP, you need a raccoon glitter bomb. But instead of glitter you fill it with explosives.

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4977]

+

[Kennythetiger 9460]

5 hours ago, Soldierhorn said:

a coyote that works for ACME can do it and dont try to tell me my childhood was a lie 'cus I'm not hearin' it

I will watch Looney Tunes if I'm flipping through the channels and it's on.  I wish he'd get that goddamned roadrunner one of these times.  That bird is annoying as fuck.

[Jkwellborn 6737]

I will watch Looney Tunes if I'm flipping through the channels and it's on.  I wish he'd get that goddamned roadrunner one of these times.  That bird is annoying as fuck.

He caught it once.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21921]

 

[RPM 26353]

I think it's obvious where they need to be relocated.

[hookemATL 11886]

Let them have the house, and move your family out of there. Despite your new son, these raccoons still outnumber you. Safest bet is to sign the deed over to them and find a new home. 

[Soldierhorn 206]

21 hours ago, Errestaurants said:

Wouldn't humans be the apex predator to the raccoons? So the OP should just piss everywhere. 

yeah, if he makes it a family affair, they could save a lot of toilet water.  It's worth a try

[Soldierhorn 206]

so....?  what happened?  did the coons win? Are you still alive?  Speak to us!

This afternoon I was listening to the radio that was off and on talking about the thunderstorms that came through today.  At one point, they talked about how bade it was up in Hico, Mineral Wells and "Possum Kingdom".  Is your habitat now named "Coon Kingdom?"

Edited July 8, 2019 by Soldierhorn

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4977]

[achooloco 1085]

On 7/8/2019 at 7:17 PM, Soldierhorn said:

so....?  what happened?  did the coons win? Are you still alive?  Speak to us!

This afternoon I was listening to the radio that was off and on talking about the thunderstorms that came through today.  At one point, they talked about how bade it was up in Hico, Mineral Wells and "Possum Kingdom".  Is your habitat now named "Coon Kingdom?"

This. Update?

[beer 3220]

On 6/26/2019 at 4:47 PM, Errestaurants said:

My daughter loves her coon hat.

Sent from my SM-G973U using Tapatalk
 

My gawd...and I'm the one who moved to 'bama

[Errestaurants 2570]

6 hours ago, beer said:

My gawd...and I'm the one who moved to 'bama

Don't hate the player, hate the game son.