I'm retarded: going to Disney in 2 weeks.

[markstanco 12607]

The Florida one. My boys are 8 and 10 so it's time. Thank goodness we are going in July since the weather is nice and cool, wife choice.

 

Tell me what is fun and what is not. I obviously expect sarcasm but if any points or tips I will award 15 internets.

[CoTex 1162]

Animal kingdom is excellent.  The rides, the atmosphere.  It’s the right amount of everything.

epcot is a lot of walking.  Some bright spots but underwhelming.

take naps.  Hit it early and late but during the hours that are hot af, go to your hotel and sleep.  It will make the evening hours much more enjoyable and feel less like the Bataan death march.  My kids and wife fight me on this every time and after the nap they’re always apologetic “you were right...”  yeah, no shit.

take a day off from the parks.  Hotel pool, walk around downtown Disney.  There is no way you can see or do everything, so accept that and pick a pace that’s enjoyable - not a see everything at any cost pace.

poolside restaurant at swan/dolphin hotel is relaxing.  Good place for killing an afternoon drinking.

Edited June 29, 2019 by CoTex

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

Dead man walking. We got a dead man walking here.  Dead man walking......  we got a dead man walking here.....

[Buzzrock 14937]

CoTex is spot on. Other suggestion: go to Universal instead. Way better rides.

[mdmost 43044]

Epcot has tons of alcohol in the World Showcase. Grab a litre of German Hefeweizen at Biergarten. 

The breaks idea is perfect. We did that around 2-3 each day and went back to the hotel for a swim. It's just too oppressively hot for being out there all day. The swim breaks let us all relax a bit and recharge. Then we went back in the evening. Magic Kingdom at night is pretty cool. Try to get in as many Space Mountain rides as you can. 

I was not as big a fan of Animal Kingdom but I went before Avatar land. Expedition Everest is a great coaster. 

Just realize you bought your ticket, you knew what you were getting into.

[AustinMT 952]

If you are staying at a Disney Hotel, use the extra hours (Magic hours) where certain parks on certain days hav the hours for only Disney hotel guests

Use the fast passes, but read on how to best use them.  You can book a limited number of rides in advance

Try to plan out how to attack each park in advance instead of stumbling through and hoping to get lucky

Best restaurant at Epcot is the one at the Canada area.  You need to book it well in advance

 

[luke duke 6414]

Avoid Hollywood Studios.

[ajax 2620]

 

 

[Pato del Muerto 52587]

Maxpass. Disney app. 

[SDG 3319]

I worked at DW (Epcot) for a semester in college.  

My advice is: 

1) don’t swim or strep into in anything wet that isn’t a pool unless you’re okay with loosing a leg.  

2) for your sanity take some time and drink around the world in Epcot   

3) fast passes are your friend

4) the hotels are more fun then the actual parks (I may actually throw in a water parks day here as well)  

5) take your budget and multiply by 1.5 and be okay with that.  Disney has entire teams to figure out how to separate you and your cash (see fast pass which gives you more time to buy useless shit).

6) if you and your wife have a babysitter pleaser island can be a nice escape   

Edit to add: wear a pedometer so you can at least be excited about all the calories you’ll burn walking.  

 

Edited June 29, 2019 by SDG

[Nueces River Rat 5539]

Wear a parachute and jump off the plane.

[Baboontyme 2821]

It's all about planning. And in advance. Either you have to take this on, or you need to make someone in your party take it on, or you need to pay someone external to take it on. In advance. Or you will be miserable, especially in the summer. 

[jinx 2635]

1. Buy a backpack cooler and take it to the park with you.  As long as you don't take alcohol Disney don't care.  They have free water everywhere so take Gatorades, Cokes, etc.

2. I completely agree with the day (or 2) off at the pool (or day at Typhoon Lagoon) as a key way to survive the struggle.

3. Realize it will be a struggle and accept it.  People will piss you off daily (see point 2). 

4. This should probably be point one:

    Schedule your fast passes early in the day because you can get more.  After you use your three search for more on the app.  You can get an unlimited number but only one at a time until it is used. As soon as you get in line with your new fast pass, start looking for the next.   THIS IS KEY: keep refreshing on the app until you get a ride you want as close to the current time as possible.  We just came back and we got over 15 fast passes in a day.  It works best at Magic Kingdom because it has the largest amount of rides and they keep fast passes open all night.  Animal Kingdom and Hollywood Studios it doesn't work as well and they shut down the fast passes at night.  

5. Two parter: Ride the rides during the fire works because the lines disappear. Second part: Don't believe the times during the fire works.  We rode Seven Dwarves Mine Train after waiting 12 minutes during the fireworks.  The queue said 60 minutes.  We road Tower of Terror in under 60 minutes during Fantasmic when the posted time was 135 minutes. 

6. We have tried Epcot twice in 13 years and both times it got voted out on future trips.  My kids think it is extremely boring, and prefer to do 2 days at Magic Kingdom if we are going to parks for four days.

I live in Florida and go nearly once a year.  I would be glad to give more tips, but those are my best starters.  

It will be hot and it will probably rain.  Good shoes are a must (I bought Keens about a decade ago that I wear almost exclusively for Disney). 

Prepare for the struggle and be determined to enjoy it.  Your kids are at the perfect age for Disney (I think Universal is more geared toward 13+).  

 

[CoTex 1162]

not to piss on any of the other advice on this thread, but additional thoughts.

There are a lot of little details at Disney that you miss if you’re breaking ass to get to the next line to ride the next ride.  

Examples - The boat rides from the transportation ticket center or Polynesian resort to the magic kingdom - they’re cool.  Enjoy the boat ride.

- the night light parade on the 7 seas lagoon - it’s unique - find a chill spot to watch it.

- the actors on Main Street are fun to bullshit with.  The mayor, the fire chief, I especially like the suffragettes.  Find them and stop them.  Ask them - what are you doing today?  What should we do next?  You might be surprised - they’re well practiced and will do something cool.

also, if you see a villain like the bitchy stepsisters from Cinderella - definitely talk to them.  They’re funny as hell - they will insult you.

ive been 4 times with my kids and I don’t go because I’m obsessed with all things Disney.  I go because they do everything for you - you don’t have to entertain your kids but can just enjoy and play along with them.  

dont be surprised if your wife pulls some “let’s wear matching shirts” bullshit.  It’s not her fault - all her friends did it first.

 

[bigcigar 1165]

Disney is made for planners. We had great success getting up early, being in the park and seeing what was important early (rides/characters/whatever) before the crowds of mongoloids on scooters (and it’s depressing how many people need them to get around). It’s easier to enjoy the little things amongst the crowds of mouth breathers once your itinerary is done.

But in all honesty, your family will have a great time if you have a great time. Have a good attitude and set the stage for a good time. Planning makes it less of a beating since you’ll know what to expect. I’d recommend touringplans.com. I found the itinerary planning and expected wait times very useful.

[bigcigar 1165]

9 hours ago, SDG said:

5) take your budget and multiply by 1.5 and be okay with that.  Disney has entire teams to figure out how to separate you and your cash (see fast pass which gives you more time to buy useless shit).

 

This is a great point. Marvel at how good they are at taking money from you. It’s truly an art.

[Buzzrock 14937]

Touringplans.com is a good resource, or was a few years ago. For a few bucks they’ll help you build a step by step plan that you keep on your phone and you can keep an eye on the lines on their app. It made a big difference for us on a summer trip a few years back. 

Also bring or rent a stroller. I had to carry my daughter from the back of MK to the bus to the hotel when she conked out the first night. 

[mdmost 43044]

If your kids are early risers, take advantage of that. The park at opening is so much better. Then you get most of your big things before people even arrive. Plus, you’re ready for that afternoon break. I’ll echo Touringplans.com. Great resource. 

[LonghornSean 4022]

Going in July is not ideal.  Very crowded and hot as fuck.  The best way to combat this is to get to the parks as early as possible.  Like at least 30-45 minutes before the actual park opening time if possible.

Edited June 30, 2019 by LonghornSean

[jinx 2635]

11 hours ago, CoTex said:

not to piss on any of the other advice on this thread, but additional thoughts.

There are a lot of little details at Disney that you miss if you’re breaking ass to get to the next line to ride the next ride.  

Examples - The boat rides from the transportation ticket center or Polynesian resort to the magic kingdom - they’re cool.  Enjoy the boat ride.

- the night light parade on the 7 seas lagoon - it’s unique - find a chill spot to watch it.

- the actors on Main Street are fun to bullshit with.  The mayor, the fire chief, I especially like the suffragettes.  Find them and stop them.  Ask them - what are you doing today?  What should we do next?  You might be surprised - they’re well practiced and will do something cool.

also, if you see a villain like the bitchy stepsisters from Cinderella - definitely talk to them.  They’re funny as hell - they will insult you.

ive been 4 times with my kids and I don’t go because I’m obsessed with all things Disney.  I go because they do everything for you - you don’t have to entertain your kids but can just enjoy and play along with them.  

dont be surprised if your wife pulls some “let’s wear matching shirts” bullshit.  It’s not her fault - all her friends did it first.

 

Good points here.  The step sisters are great.  One of my funniest experiences was in the Prime Time Cafe ( a funny spot where you have to eat your vegetables and keep your elbows off the table).   Grabbing a beer at the bar before we ate, I noticed the "public works department" was also grabbing a beer.   One guy with low tolerance drank a shot glass of beer and passed out on the table for the next ten minutes while his buddies chatted with everyone at the bar.

 There are a ton of things like this around the parks, especially Hollywood Studios.  

30 minutes ago, LonghornSean said:

Going in July is not ideal.  Very crowded and hot as fuck.  The best way to combat this is to get to the parks as early as possible.  Like at least 30-45 minutes before the actual park opening time if possible.

Or do the opposite and sleep in and plan to close the park down if it is open late.  Crowds are highest between 11 and 4.   

[LonghornSean 4022]

Also do a little research and make some reservations for dinner. Don't just settle for the counter quick service places, there is some damn good food all over the resort. Epcot has a lot of great restaurants to choose from (some very pricy though). We try to hit mostly new ones every trip, but ones we often go back to are Prime Time Diner at DHS, Yak and Yeti at AK, Rose and Crown Pub at UK pavilion in Epcot.  There are also a lot of good restaurants to choose from at the resort hotels if you're not going to a park one day.

Also while Epcot doesn't have too many rides (although for the family Soarin is a must and the Frozen ride is pretty good) and thus is usually the least favorite park for younger kids, there is great street entertainment around the World Showcase.  Just check the times guide (pick one up along with the park map): Chinese acrobats, French mime magician guy, UK has British invasion cover bands, etc.  We love strolling around Epcot with drink in hand, as opposed to the other parks where we are often racing from ride to ride to maximize the number of attractions we see.

[Deej 76903]

Keep your kids away from the staff.

https://lawandcrime.com/crazy/deputies-disney-employee-said-he-had-constitutional-right-to-watch-child-pornography/

[mdmost 43044]

LeFou’s Brew is pretty good when it’s hot out. Get it at Gaston’s in Fantasyland. If you need a breather, hop on the Peoplemover in Tomorrowland. Takes you through Space Mountain.

[EE2B 1565]

You guys forget this is a Stanco thread? Y’all are assuming he is actually going to use any of the advice that has been posted. lol

[tantric superman 4667]

My adult kids give me shit for never getting them a dog.  Shit for losing my temper, especially when explaining algebra.  Shit for being an asshole parent at soccer games.  Shit for not buying a house with a pool.

They never give me shit for not ever taking  them to Disney World. 

For some reason, me and my wife were the ones who needed a vacation, not the kids.

[Gunsup 56]

Wear dry-wicking...everything.  We end up going in July as well.  It'll still be hot af, but that helps.  Use your fast passes and reload when you can.  And Animal Kingdom is by far the best park.  

Edited July 1, 2019 by Gunsup

[Nueces River Rat 5539]

We've gone twice staying at Animal Kingdom Lodge  the first time and offsite at a Marriott Resort the second.   I would recommend staying on the Disney property for better access to the park amenities, etc.    Sure you pay a little more, but with younger ones it makes it easier such as not having to load up the car and all that jazz to get to park, etc.   

It will be hot, but if you are from Texas and especially closer to the coast where you are used the heat and humidity, it shouldn't bother you that much.   

It's been 10 years since our last trip, so my details might be a little off.   I do think we tried to go early morning on most days we went to the parks.   Took an afternoon break back at the lodge and then went back in the evenings.  We did take a day off between visits to the different parks opting to lounge around at the pool or one of the Disney waterparks.  The second time we went and the kids were older,  we didn't really have a set plan and sort of went when we felt like it.  

Like noted above,  Animal Kingdom has the most "Kids stuff" and I would focus on the parks that have the most stuff for kids during the day time hours and the earlier in the day, the better.   Epcot is maybe one of those things you do on an  evening...  Same could be said about Magic Kingdom since a number of things are done exclusively at night as well.  

Edited July 1, 2019 by Nueces River Rat

[Johnny Sack 8397]

Cancel and go to Disneyland.  Much better weather.  

[DaysOff 7971]

This is the correct answer. Why anyone voluntarily steps a foot in Florida is a mystery.

[Js1 85565]

I mean, I'm sure you were retarded before making this decision.  

[ajax 2620]

I heard Disneyland is less busy than usual and the anticipated huge crowds at Galaxy's Edge never showed up. TBH Galaxy's Edge looks really lame.

[chesthair 231]

I hate disney more than anything, however, i understand you have to pay homage to the mouse once in your life.  We did it and i hated every moment so yes, just bite down and get it over with.

-drinking around the world is indeed the highlight.  pace yourself....i was stumbling by the time i got to japan.

-we had one of those disney planners do our entire trip.  when we got to our hotel i sat down with the concierge and she threw our plan away and re-did it.  MUCH better than what we had planned.  someone else said to use the people who work there for advice, do it. 

-you will see the worst in people while you are there.  i helped an old lady up who got trampled after the fireworks one night.  people suck and disney is a magnet for those people.  foreigners, generally speaking, have little to no manners, watch your 6.  

-get a bottle of good bourbon on your way to the hotel, dont buy booze on campus if you can avoid it.

 

have fun. 

[deadshank 24653]

My wife’s family always goes to DW.  A rite of passage for each child and grandchild. Her parents pay for it all and my FIL is big into the mouse.  

For the life of me I can’t see the attraction and have turned down multiple invitations to join the family fun.  

No effing way.  

[BabaYaga 15312]

On 6/30/2019 at 12:07 AM, bigcigar said:

mongoloids on scooters (and it’s depressing how many people need them to get around).

Nor is that they "need" them.  They are just fucking lazy.  Perfectly capable people riding them now.  It's sad.  One jelly-belly almost ran up the back of me trying to steer with one hand and eat a whole funnel cake with the other.  

Went after X-mas this year.  It's a beating.  Endless lines and walking.  Dad gets to pack around everything.  Obviously you have to have a fast-pass to orchestrate times for certain rides.  Even then you wait.

[Irwin F Fletcher 3550]

Pack a pancho, looks like rain. 

[AustinMT 952]

1 hour ago, BabaYaga said:

Nor is that they "need" them.  They are just fucking lazy.  Perfectly capable people riding them now.  It's sad.  One jelly-belly almost ran up the back of me trying to steer with one hand and eat a whole funnel cake with the other.  

Went after X-mas this year.  It's a beating.  Endless lines and walking.  Dad gets to pack around everything.  Obviously you have to have a fast-pass to orchestrate times for certain rides.  Even then you wait.

Are these the same healthy people that preboard on Southwest?  Still don't understand how they screen those

[BabaYaga 15312]

[Js1 85565]

3 hours ago, Irwin F Fletcher said:

Pack a pancho, looks like rain. 

I don't think @Pancho wants to go with markstanco on vacation. 

[Nueces River Rat 5539]

10 hours ago, chesthair said:

I hate Disney more than anything, however, I understand you have to pay homage to the mouse once in your life.  We did it and I hated every moment so yes, just bite down and get it over with.

-Drinking around the world is indeed the highlight.  pace yourself....i was stumbling by the time i got to japan.

-we had one of those disney planners do our entire trip.  when we got to our hotel i sat down with the concierge and she threw our plan away and re-did it.  MUCH better than what we had planned.  someone else said to use the people who work there for advice, do it. 

-you will see the worst in people while you are there.  i helped an old lady up who got trampled after the fireworks one night.  people suck and disney is a magnet for those people.  foreigners, generally speaking, have little to no manners, watch your 6.  

-get a bottle of good bourbon on your way to the hotel, dont buy booze on campus if you can avoid it.

 

have fun. 

This is 100% true.  The second trip to WDW,  I was getting the family some bottled water at a drink cart and there really wasn't a defined line for people to get in to take their turn to purchase.  This  obnoxious  lady got there about the same time I did and I as I turning around to tell her to go ahead of me and I didn't get one word out when  she screamed at me  you are not going F'ing cut in front of me..  blah, blah.   In my much younger days, I probably would have gone ape shit all over her, but my cooler self prevailed.   I saw some other asshats make total bitches and dicks of themselves at concession windows or rides and I said the heck with this forever once we spent our last day there. 

I've told my kids when they have kids and if they want us to go to WDW with them,  we will gladly stay at the resort and watch the grandkids while they go out have fun.   It will take a ton of persuasion to get me to ever step  foot in one of those parks.   Screw Mickey, Donald Duck and Goofy forever as far as I'm concerned.    I rather get my toe nails pulled.

[Francisco 2.0 32426]

God Speed.

 

Avatar ride is bitchin'.  Toy Story Land is well done, not much in terms of rides...but the decor, the signage, well, everything just calls out to what I played with growing up.  

Eating recommendations.  Breakfast at Tusker House in Animal park is worth your time.

Cape May Cafe for dinner seafood buffet is quite good.  O'Hana at the Polynesian is good for breakfast or dinner.

 

[Baboontyme 2821]

On 6/30/2019 at 2:45 PM, EE2B said:

You guys forget this is a Stanco thread? Y’all are assuming he is actually going to use any of the advice that has been posted. lol

Best post in thread. 

[zork 629]

On 6/30/2019 at 3:43 AM, Buzzrock said:

Touringplans.com is a good resource, or was a few years ago. For a few bucks they’ll help you build a step by step plan that you keep on your phone and you can keep an eye on the lines on their app. It made a big difference for us on a summer trip a few years back. 

Also bring or rent a stroller. I had to carry my daughter from the back of MK to the bus to the hotel when she conked out the first night. 

We used this to plan which day of the week for which park.  We went spring break '18.  We had a great trip.

Did MK x 2, AK, EP, HS, bought a 5 day pass for everyone through one of the places touringplans suggested.  Expensive but days 3,4,5 got progressively cheaper.

 

We used backpacks to carry in fresh fruit, crackers, cheese to supplement the expensive food you can get at the park.  The Publix grocery chain is your friend there: great fruit, food,  and great t-shirts/towels/SWAG to get there instead of at the park.

On 6/30/2019 at 10:04 AM, mdmost said:

If your kids are early risers, take advantage of that. The park at opening is so much better. Then you get most of your big things before people even arrive. Plus, you’re ready for that afternoon break. I’ll echo Touringplans.com. Great resource. 

and

On 6/30/2019 at 10:41 AM, LonghornSean said:

Going in July is not ideal.  Very crowded and hot as fuck.  The best way to combat this is to get to the parks as early as possible.  Like at least 30-45 minutes before the actual park opening time if possible.

We got up way early every day to be parking well before each park opened.  Traffic can suck so going early still doesn't guarantee you get in too early.    However, this way you can have a decent chance to go to the best primo ride at each park that you didn't get a fast pass reserved with only an hour or so wait or less(or more at the AK rides).  We used this method at every park.

We took them on easy roller coasters first, they tolerated them well and we ended up doing all of them.  

Using the disney ap and disney wifi was very helpful when it was working which was most of the time.

10 hours ago, Irwin F Fletcher said:

Pack a pancho, looks like rain. 

it is easy to put your cheap ass pancho that folds up like a tiny paperback book in your backpacks.  you will need it cause it rains due to orlando humidity.

W

Go to the East Coast to see NASA one day.

My 10 YO boy at the time and still, was a lego freak.  The 8 YO girl at the time, thought lego was ok.  They both had fun at Lego-land one day.  I was fortunate to be not feeling well enough to go out that day. (haha)

You can buy from the orlando chamber of commerce or some other site online pre-tickets to nasa and lego-land to save bucks if interested.

The kids had a great time.    It was a fun trip for all.

[Longboard Horn 40501]

On 6/28/2019 at 11:05 PM, CoTex said:

take naps.  Hit it early and late but during the hours that are hot af, go to your hotel and sleep.  It will make the evening hours much more enjoyable and feel less like the Bataan death march.  

This is spot on

On 6/29/2019 at 5:10 AM, Buzzrock said:

CoTex is spot on. Other suggestion: go to Universal instead. Way better rides.

Universal is so much better roller coaster wise. Dueling Dragons are fun and I could ride the Hulk all day.

On 6/29/2019 at 8:04 AM, mdmost said:

Epcot has tons of alcohol in the World Showcase. Grab a litre of German Hefeweizen at Biergarten. 

Perfect place for day drinking.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

I hate disney more than anything, however, i understand you have to pay homage to the mouse once in your life.  We did it and i hated every moment so yes, just bite down and get it over with.
-drinking around the world is indeed the highlight.  pace yourself....i was stumbling by the time i got to japan.
-we had one of those disney planners do our entire trip.  when we got to our hotel i sat down with the concierge and she threw our plan away and re-did it.  MUCH better than what we had planned.  someone else said to use the people who work there for advice, do it. 
-you will see the worst in people while you are there.  i helped an old lady up who got trampled after the fireworks one night.  people suck and disney is a magnet for those people.  foreigners, generally speaking, have little to no manners, watch your 6.  
-get a bottle of good bourbon on your way to the hotel, dont buy booze on campus if you can avoid it.
 
have fun. 

Haha. No doubt Americans are the minority in Orlando. I feel that everytime ive been in the airport or amusement park in that city.

[CoTex 1162]

If you decide to go to NASA, there’s an Alamo car rental at the Magic Kingdom.  Sorta.  It’s really at the gas station across the street but it works.  About 1.5 hours to the east coast and a fun relaxing day trip.

Also, if you’ve selected a hotel - speak up - we might have some pro-tips.  Unless of course your hotel is the super 8 in east Orlando.  Then these people will just call you a poor.

[Guest Lobo]

My sister is actually retarded and knows that Disney in July is fucking idiotic.  

What do you people have against living your life as an adult?  

[EE2B 1565]

I don’t see Mrs. Stanco settling for the Super8.

[Johnny Sack 8397]

Again, why would anyone go to swamp ass Florida over Southern California in July or August?

[CooterBrown 18027]

4 hours ago, Johnny Sack said:

Again, why would anyone go to swamp ass Florida over Southern California in July or August?

This what I don't get. DLR/CA has nearly as many attractions in a footprint 1/10th of the size of WDW. Plus, it'll be a high in the 80s and 50 degrees in the morning and evenings.  The fast pass system is much better and hotels are way cheaper.   My family loves DLR/CA but fucking loathes WDW.

 

[mdmost 43044]

I think it falls under the rite of passage concept. It's a rite of passage to go to Walt Disney World. Walt Disney World is more of a vacation since it's a park created to bring non-Floridians to Orlando to stay for 5-7 days. There's a benefit to staying onsite with the earlier Fastpasses, early park hours for guests, and access to character and dining options 180 days out. It's bigger, grandier, has more to do, and is more of a total package. 

Disneyland is more for locals. Even if you come in from out of town for a vacation, you can reasonably accomplish the parks in 2 days. You can't do that at WDW. I love WDW but for us it's so much more of a vacation investment, both in time and money. We can accomplish a trip to Disneyland for half the price of WDW and over a long weekend. Flights to LA airports are plentiful and inexpensive. Hotels are across the street and reasonable.

I don't fault people for opting for WDW vacations. It feels more like a vacation where you have to stay onsite and be immersed in Disney. You don't have to do that at DLR because it's not really beneficial other than the extra magic hours.