There is no way I come from your loins.

[CoTex 1,162]

I always thought we were pretty normal.

Parents divorced.  When I was about 10 one of my mother's friends gave her a cat for a gift.  This was some persian, himalayan, high-bred showcat.  It was supposably a big deal.  I remember being told to not shoot my slingshot (I bought it in concan and was lethal with it), at the showcat. 

My mom named the cat "Fancy."  Whatever, keep your cat away from my slingshot and we'll all get along fine.

Yesterday (over thirty years later) my wife asked my mother "what were the names of pets you had with your children growing up?"  She's trying to find a pet name and was just making small talk with my mom.

Mom responds with all the names over the years and adds in "Fantasy."  I said "WTF?"  And she responded "We called the cat "Fancy" for a nickname, but her real name was "Fantasy."  

Mom, you're weird, I'm embarrassed for us all, and no wonder I had those awkward years - I'm sure all of my friends' parents told them to stay the fuck away from our place because you were sick.

['stache 21,865]

Tell us more about your mom's pussy.

[CoTex 1,162]

1 minute ago, 'stache said:

Tell us more about your mom's pussy.

It birthed me, now it's over 70, but apparently it still holds some secrets.

What did I do to deserve this?

[Kennythetiger 9,460]

Your mom's cat sounds hairy.

[Walden Ponderer 12,639]

[Upgrayedd 5,818]

Tell it again

[TwiceHorn 31,535]

Daddy my hat blew off.

[RPM 26,353]

Maybe you should punch your Momma right square in the mouth.

[CoTex 1,162]

When I was about 8, my dad decided he was going to buy a car with a pussy magnet, so he bought a used TR6, which was basically a cheap piece-of-shit british car for midgets.

There was something wrong with it so he decided he was going to upgrade the wiring in that car.

There was a medium sized fire, and no more pussy magnet.

Next stop - 

All the pussy magnet with none of the fire risk.  

Edited July 3, 2019 by CoTex

[Armybrat 40,908]

You posted the wrong picture.

[SurlyBDR 22,841]

I came in your mom's loins

[RPM 26,353]

I think that's the end of the magnet that repels.

[SurlyBDR 22,841]

8 minutes ago, RPM said:

I think that's the end of the magnet that repels.

[ulukinatme 1,765]

[CoTex 1,162]

10 minutes ago, ulukinatme said:

This is supposed to be the "my parents made stupid decisions and I want to disclose them to the internets" thread of childhood purgation.

[Fuck Tim Beck 3,834]

2 hours ago, Walden Ponderer said:

Nice marmot. 

And normally you see pussy named Fantasy at the scrip club. 

Edited July 3, 2019 by Fuck Tim Beck

[El Diablo 4,232]

Fantasy pussy is no stranger to Surly.

[Walden Ponderer 12,639]

8 minutes ago, Fuck Tim Beck said:

Nice marmot. 

And normally you see pussy named Fantasy at the scrip club. 

[Trey3216 15,356]

2 hours ago, CoTex said:

It birthed me, now it's over 70, but apparently it still holds some secrets.

What did I do to deserve this?

Username checks out 

[sidis 9,832]

17 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

Username checks out 

i laughed.

[CoTex 1,162]

1981 - Dad wants to climb the status ladder - we’re going to be yachtsmen.

We got the blue version of the yellow craft in the middle.

good work dad.  At least you didn’t buy Apple stock, or Berkshire Hathaway.  This was clearly the better investment.

[Fuck Tim Beck 3,834]

So you had to scrub your dad's dinghy? 

[Judge Roybeanbag 11,821]

6 hours ago, CoTex said:

It birthed me, now it's over 70, but apparently it still holds some secrets.

What did I do to deserve this?

Your mom was fucking Aldo Nova on the side?

[Player 4,576]

You couldn’t see spending the rest of your life with your head hung down in shame?

 

You know you might’ve been born just plain white trash, but Fancy is your name!

 

Here’s your one chance Fancy, don’t let us down.

 

[Bigbend1812 12,932]

Sum bitch

[Fuck Tim Beck 3,834]

1 hour ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

Your mom was fucking Aldo Nova on the side?

The side, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, whatever it took. 

[boknowstecmo 216]

You're embarrassed to be your mother's son because she named her cat Fancy? What are you, a character in the Sopranos? 

[deadshank 24,653]

I want hush puppies. 

[CoTex 1,162]

29 minutes ago, boknowstecmo said:

You're embarrassed to be your mother's son because she named her cat Fancy? What are you, a character in the Sopranos? 

Fantasy fuckstick.  Fancy was the nickname.

[ABSR 5,324]

5 minutes ago, CoTex said:

Fantasy fuckstick.  Fancy was the nickname.

Yeah, that changes everything.

[Buffsoldier 1,895]

4 hours ago, deadshank said:

I want hush puppies. 

We ain't got time for that crap!!!

[Tasking Monkey 16]

Could the cat play us a tune, something to make us all happy?

[clapclapclap 9,000]

21 hours ago, CoTex said:

What did I do to deserve this?

Dang, you almost worked in a Pet Shop Boys reference.

[CoTex 1,162]

9 minutes ago, clapclapclap said:

Dang, you almost worked in a Pet Shop Boys reference.

The Got damn Germans got nothin’ to do with it.

[Buffsoldier 1,895]

26 minutes ago, clapclapclap said:

Dang, you almost worked in a Pet Shop Boys reference.

 

16 minutes ago, CoTex said:

The Got damn Germans got nothin’ to do with it.

They sounded taller on the radio.

[Prepuce of Doom 21,103]

I could really go for a Diablo sandwich and a Dr. Pepper. 

[Redneck Mutha 8,007]

14 hours ago, boknowstecmo said:

You're embarrassed to be your mother's son because she named her cat Fancy? What are you, a character in the Sopranos? 

Nobody, and I mean NOBODY makes CoTex look like a possum's pecker.

[El Diablo 4,232]

19 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

I could really go for a Diablo sandwich and a Dr. Pepper. 

Kinky.

[Walden Ponderer 12,639]

17 hours ago, deadshank said:

I want hush puppies. 

Fucking hell. I had a huge lunch, but now I'm hungry again.

[LW Goatman 1,125]

My mom kept her beloved dead cat frozen in the garage chest freezer for years. 

[Ignatius 4,027]

On 7/3/2019 at 3:56 PM, RPM said:

Maybe you should punch your Momma right square in the mouth.

From your voice on the radio I figured you’d be taller...

[CoTex 1,162]

3 hours ago, LW Goatman said:

My mom kept her beloved dead cat frozen in the garage chest freezer for years. 

I feel better now.

thank you for this.

[Clintonaldo 2,576]

Hold up on that car wash gentlemen. 

[Walden Ponderer 12,639]

4 hours ago, LW Goatman said:

My mom kept her beloved dead cat frozen in the garage chest freezer for years. 

Did she at least keep him wrapped separately from your dad?

[crash_davis 23,115]

[Pato del Muerto 52,597]

Put the evidence in the car

[Fuck Tim Beck 3,834]

6 hours ago, LW Goatman said:

My mom kept her beloved dead cat frozen in the garage chest freezer for years. 

Kinky

[Pato del Muerto 52,597]

27 minutes ago, Fuck Tim Beck said:

Kinky

How do you know it’s name?

[huge 3,795]

If they'd have cremated the sonofabitch, I'd have been kickin' that Mr. Bandit's ass around the moon by now!

[huge 3,795]

My handle's Smokey Bear and I'm tail-grabbin yo ass right now!